Michelle McCool def. Maryse
Brian Kendrick def. Shannon Moore
Edge and Vickie Guerrero ostensibly apologize

Segment Six
Michelle McCool is making her first defense of her Divas Title against French Canadian beauty Maryse. Maryse’s outfits get progressively provocative each week. I am not complaining.

When JR announces her name it sounds like “Maurice” and I think of an very old and very bald male Harrisburg restaurateur who is now probably deceased. Major turnoff. Then Mick Foley calls her a nasty, naughty girl and all bad images are forgotten. Before we get any more illicit zoomed images of Maryse skimpy black vinyl outfit she is caught by a debilitating Brazilian heel hook and taps out.

McCool’s first title defense is successful.

Segment Seven
Vickie is back in her wheelchair. More importantly, she has a new hairdo. OK, it’s not that important, her new straightened hair is not going to make her good looking. Not even Michael Jackson-level surgery could do that. Vickie has heard rumors about the previously mentioned Edge/Alicia Fox conversation and asks Bam Neely and Chavo Guerrero what has been said. Thankfully the two man up and admit nothing. Word, bro(s).

Edge now says he want to apologize to Vickie. We will see.

Brian Kendrick in his new Leonardo DiCaprio-inspired persona (no, really) makes his way to the ring and Mrs. Jabandgrapple audibly gasps, “What (in the world) is that? Isn’t that the jacket from the Bad video?”

Yes. That’s a second Michael Jackson reference in less than 20 minutes. But she is right. Kendrick’s jacket is the most ridiculous thing known to man. One lapel is faux-tiger skin, the other fake jewel studs. The jacket’s back is ripped with three razor gashes as if it were in a battle with Wolverine.

Kendrick pins jobber Shannon Moore with ease. I’ll be the first to say that Kendrick’s relationship with his bodyguard Ezekiel is a little bit weird to me. Just saying.

After the match Vickie, Chavo and Bam discuss Edge’s apology. Vickie doesn’t seem to be that understanding. It is so on.

Segment Eight
Edge saunters down to the ring with his cocky Canadian confidence. He wants his wedding cake and he wants to eat the wedding planner too. Is he really going to apologize. As Vickie is being wheeled to the ring by Chavo a few scattered Philadelphians yell “You suck!”

Mrs. Jabandgrapple wonders, “If she’s such a cripple then why is she wearing stiletto heels?” And you thought the cake comment went too far.

Edge looks his wife in the eye and goes down on his knee to apologize. He tells her that what he’s done is horrible and understands if she can’t forgive him. He says the video didn’t show how many times he tried to say no. Mr. Jabandgrapple hears you dog. He’s been in that situation too much to even mention. Oh, regret. Oh, regret.

Edge echoes Badfinger when he says “I can’t live if living is without you” but Vickie isn’t sympathetic. She’s no Harry Nilsson. Instead she counters with, “Well guess what Mr. Edge. I reinstated the Undertaker. Sorry.”

The crowd erupts. Standing ovation. Spontaneous combustion. Live births. Loving chants. UN-der-TAK-er clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-re clap clap clap-clap-clap.

Edge makes some lame honeymoon proposal. Vickie says “Too bad, so sad. I have a SummerSlam opponent already set for Taker. And it’s you Edge. In a Hell in a Cell Match.” Vickie cackles, Edge cowers, we congratulate. That is a match we want to see.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/25 WWE SmackDown Part Three: The Undertaker Is Back!

Finlay and Hornswaggle def. The Miz and Morrison
Triple H def. Chavo Guerrero
Natalya and Maryse def. Michelle McCool and Cherry

Image details: Flavio Briatore And Elisabetta Gregoraci Wedding Ceremony served by picapp.com

Segment Six:
Will Finlay and Hornswaggle ever stop fighting The Miz and Morrison? Aren’t all four now in ECW? Mick and JR discuss Hornswaggle drinking a Guinness and I’m thinking about ending this live blog early and heading down to my local Irish Bar establishment.

Finlay lands a terrific Celtic Cross on Morrison but The Miz breaks it up. While the ref is tsk-tsking Morrison and telling him to leave the ring Finlay hits The Miz with the shillelagh knocking him out cold. Hornswaggle tags in and flops off the top rope and onto the Real World rebel pinning him one-two-three. Does this mean we’re going to have to see these four fight yet again? We’re afraid so.

***

Hold up. A local commercial for the July 29 ECW/SmackDown event in Hershey, PA says the Main Event is Triple H vs. Edge for the WWE Championship. We…are…so…there.

***
Segment Seven:
Bam Neely stares down HHH and looks like a much more impressive opponent than Chavo. In due time. In due time. Notably, Charles Robinson is back in the ring reffing the match. Apparently his Great Khali-induced head trauma wasn’t so bad after all.

Chavo is doing his best but this match is a heavyweight versus a cruiserweight. HHH hits a Spine Buster, punches Bam Neely, and follows with a Pedigree. Chavo is done. Vickie is some kind of kin. The crowd seems to love The Game. What are we missing? Speaking of cruiserweights, it’s now 9:00 p.m. and we’re about to begin the difficult dance of flipping between boxing and pro wrestling. A personal favorite, Tomasz Adamek, is fighting tonight and we have double duty.

Image details: WWE Smackdown – Sydney served by picapp.com

Segment Eight:
Michelle McCool is so pretty, Cherry not so much. Neither are a match for third generation wrestler Natalya who makes Cherry tapout with a neat sharpshooter and after the match destroys Michelle with a quick snap suplex. During the match Natalya’s partner Maryse just sort of stood around. Let it be known Maryse standing around is fine with me. Jeez Louise she’s something else.

Natalya is a good wrestler and we’d love to see her fight Beth Phoenix. If she doesn’t win the SmackDown women’s title at The Great American Bash then justice hasn’t been served.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part Two: Still No Wedding News

Opening Segment
Vicki Guerrero gets booed a lot. When Batista signs a contract to fight Edge at Night of Champions (if he beats the Great Kali) she adds a clause saying if he doesn’t beat the Indian then he will be banished from the WWE.
Comment: Yawn. I like the major heel hate Vickie receives but the “win or your banished” route is getting pretty tired.

Morrison def. Finlay
Comment: I really enjoy Finlay’s brawling but I last week thought his and Hornswaggle’s feud with Miz and Morrison was a little silly. Finlay brings the best out of everyone and Mick Foley’s insults of The Miz are terrific. This match was surprisingly entertaining and the best bout in a horrifically bad night of SmackDown. If Vince McMahon is wondering why ratings are falling he only needs to re-watch this night’s putrid display.

Mark Henry def. Tommy Dreamer
Comment: Mark Henry is the last person I want to see sweaty, glistening, and wearing a skin tight outfit. He’s such a ridiculously boring wrestler and an unconvincing bad guy.

Cherry def. Maryse
Comment: Why can’t this feud just end?

MVP def. CM Punk
Comment: I know CM Punk is straight edge but he always looks so old, weathered, and in need of sleep. Which is why I catch a few zzzzs during this match. I wake up to yet another headlock and fall back asleep. Wake up. Arm bar. More sleep. Wake up. Commercial. I’m happy because I assume the match is over. It isn’t. The match mercifully ends when the ref catches Punk holding the Money in the Bank briefcase and wrongly assumes Punk used it to knock out MVP. Horrible horrible match.

Matt Hardy def. Chuck Palumbo
Comment: Chavo Guerrero announces he’s fighting Hardy for the U.S. Championship and that Chuck Palumbo is customizing a motorcycle for him. Hardy easily defeats the under- utilized Palumbo.

Jesse and Festus def. Deuce and Domino
Comment: Deuce hits Jesse with a poorly placed boot and open up a nasty cut on the little guy’s forehead showing just how violent these moves can be if they’re missed by the smallest of margins. I don’t understand why Jesse doesn’t let Festus open the matches since the same Jesse-is-beat-up-horribly-until-he-can-tag-Festus plot occurs in every one of the fights. He gets the tag and Festus predictably goes wild and quickly pins Domino. Deuce and Domino brawl after the match and it seems like these two might be breaking up. Not like I care either way.

Batista def. Great Khali
Comment: It’s hard to expect much when only one of the two participants can actually move. Edge and a wheelchaired Vickie Guerrero watch the bout from the entrance area. We feel bad that they have to witness Khali’s trademark boring mix of leg drops, elbow slams, and head butts. Khali hits an impressive Khali Bomb and Batista promptly sues the Punjabi giant for copyright infringement. Actually, the Animal spears the huge Indian and pins him thus saving his career and ending a miserably bad SmackDown.

Post from: EveryJoe

SmackDown 6/13 Results

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

Match 5
M.V.P. def. Jamie Noble
and
Match 6
Vladimir Kozlov def. Shannon Moore
It’s hard for me to get excited over either of these two matches. There was zero chance of M.V.P. losing to a man half his size. If he had then his stock would have officially dropped to zero. His boastful shtick, combined with his overwrought sensitivity and constant complaining just isn’t doing it for me. Maybe it’s time for a rebranding.

As far as Kozlov it’s about time he fought someone with a chance of beating him. Every week we get his repetitive and boring bullying act. His tosses and strength may be impressive but we want him to be tested. Maybe Kozlov and M.V.P. should fight. Sadly, odds are they’ll both get jobbers next week too.

Segment Grades: D-

If you really must watch here are the videos:

M.V.P. vs. Noble

Kozlov vs. Moore

Match 7
Michelle McCool def. Maryse
Maryse and Michelle are two beautiful blonde women but they’re not the most athletic or acrobatic of the WWE divas. Michelle takes Maryse out with a Brazilian heel hook submission hold while the jilted Cherry looks on gleefully.

Segment Grade: D

Again, if you must:

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

SmackDown 5/30 Part Five: Are These Fights Really Happening?