This review may come a bit late since the William Dietz book came out way back in 2003, but it’s something I’m used to since everything with release dates don’t come around as early where I’m from. If you’re a huge fan of the Halo series, then there’s a chance that you’ve already picked up Halo: The Flood. However, being a Halo fan is not a guarantee that reading The Flood would be satisfying. The reader would be treated to copious amounts of battles on paper, as if one were playing through the original game. Unlike the game, encountering a battle at almost every page can be rather tiresome.

Characterization is rather weak for the most part. Dietz attempts a humanization of Master Chief, but like the game, the main protagonist is limited to one-liners that aren’t even very good. Some personal details are revealed, but they are too far in-between to become really interesting.

Other characters were fleshed out a little more than the Spartan hero, but were still lacking in detail. Dietz seems to have expected (or even required) the reader to know Combat Evolved and omitted major descriptions, leaving the uninitiated clueless as to how the Halo universe looked and felt.

Interestingly, Dietz tries to depict the United Nations Space Command as feminist. As one reads, it’s noticeable that the women outnumber the men—at least in the Pillar of Autumn. However, to exhibit strength (especially in times of armed conflict), the female characters were given a generous dose of machismo. The result is rather jarring.

Halo: The Flood is an obvious attempt to cash in on the popular video game franchise. However, the book ends up disappointing Halo fans with its tedious fights. It also alienates potential readers for its lack of key details. There’s no reason to miss out on Dragons of the Highlord Skies and pick this dog up from the bargain bin.

Post from: EveryJoe

A quick review of Halo: The Flood

Warning: the video is NSFW.

If you’re wondering why you don’t understand the hell is going on, then I suggest you watch part one:

and two:

Still don’t get it? It’s a parody of the rabid Halo fans that you encounter in Xbox Live. Very apt, I must say.

Post from: EveryJoe

Master Chief sucks at Halo 3

The excrement hit the fan when Dateline came out with a write-up of a rumored relationship between Zac Efron and Master Chief. The article also revealed that the two has been spending more time together, and there are pictures to prove it.

“I’ve been saying that Master Chief is a huge f*g for years, but no one believed me,” said Cortana, the female AI once implanted in Master Chief. Apparently, Cortana wasn’t invited to the Halo 3 premiere, but ended up crashing the event.

Does this mean that Halo Nights was just an act?

Despite the photos, Efron and the Chief haven’t said anything about the sort of relationship that they have. Stay tuned for updates to this intriguing power couple.

Read

Post from: EveryJoe

Breaking Halo news: Zac Efron is dating Master Chief

So you’ve started playing Halo 3. If you’re halfway around the world like I am, you probably haven’t finished your single-player campaign yet because you just got your copy the other day, and you have other things to do with your life other than play the game or fight with Master Chief because he’s into your gurl.

Fear not! We got some vehicle survival tips for the n00bs (myself included). Read the wisdom after the jump.

First thing’s first. If you’ve played any Halo game, then you’ve obviously driven a Warthog. Thanks to the new inventory system in Halo 3, you can now keep a stash of weapons. If you have a powerful one that you’re saving for a rainy day, you can give it to the marine that rides shotgun.

Never allow Halo 3 marines to drive your vehicle; your grandma with the expired license would be much more reliable. In addition, allow your passengers to man the guns on your Warthog because they’re much better shots than you could ever be. No offense meant. These guys are fantastic shots.

Remember the Wraith? Well, it’s back, and meaner this time around. If you’re used to jacking them in Halo 2, consider them the “good ol’ days” because with their new front turrets, running at them head-on won’t be very smart.

Then how must one jack a Wraith? Snipe the turret gunner and make a run for it. To facilitate quicker travel, another vehicle would be nice.

Using your Hornet’s homing missiles doesn’t mean you just aim, then fire and watch the fireworks. You have to lock-on close enough so that the reticle will turn red, then fire and watch the fireworks. If you take the time to do this, you won’t be disappointed because one hit would be enough to blow up some vehicles.

Your enemy didn’t blow up, you say? Then pump the target with a little lead from your vehicle’s machine guns. A short burst would probably be enough.

Stay tuned for more Halo 3 tips. If you’re unlucky enough, maybe I can ruin your day by giving you the ending before you actually get there.

Post from: EveryJoe

Tips and Tricks Department: Halo 3 vehicles

A new auction is set up in eBay for the new Halo 3 inhaler—you know, the medical device you erm, suck when you have asthma or COPD. Check the atrocious description after the jump.

Like the Flood surprising you from behind, your asthma attacks can sneak up on you swiftly. Now you can proudly display your Breathing Atmosphere Regulator on the table in front of your friends with this customized Halo inhaler. Imagine the lack of air you will feel in your lungs trying to finish the first level when you realize a shot from your albutorol – filled cannister will revive your chest pains and comfort your anxiety as you fondle this cylindrical savior.

Better than a PLASMA nade!
You may have your XBOX 360 Halo 3 Edition, the Elite edition of the game – perhaps even a can of Halo Dew……, but you are not ready to finish the fight unless you can breath!

Is that a M90 Mk.1 shell in your pocket?
“NO! it’s my Halo 3 Inhaler!”

At work or at school (if you do either), be the envy of all heavy breathers and watch their faces as you slip out your Halo 3 inhaler, positioning it with authority as you take aim at you lips…slowly squeezing down the cannister until hear that sweet “puff” that sounds like sniping an Elite from 500 yards.

Is any of the paint used on this from China?
“NO! it was synthesized on board Pillar of Autumn”

Egad, they can’t even spell “albuterol” or “canister” correctly.

Read

Post from: EveryJoe

Halo 3 gives “sucking” a new meaning

It must be the beer talking, eh Chief?

Post from: EveryJoe

Master Chief uses plasma grenades for foreplay

This one’s pretty good. I love the way the Spiker looked, and when the veteran picked it up, the weapon seemed really heavy. Have I mentioned that the video had that “documentary” vibe that gave off some convincing drama? Watch the second video after the jump.

The second one reeks of cheese, though. Have you ever seen a documentary that doesn’t use any sort of light or night vision for its cameras? According to the veteran in this clip, the damage done to a particular tree was made by a plasma rifle, but you can’t even see the hit very well. Turning off the lights in the spot where the trees are felt rather forced, and calling the Halo protagonist by his complete name twice didn’t feel natural.

Post from: EveryJoe

Microsoft should be paying me for this: more Halo 3 ads

Don’t believe me? Watch this.

Post from: EveryJoe

Master Chief fights giant reptile to sell Halo 3 in South Korea

Fricking awesome.

Thanks to Patrick, the Ironic Gamer for sharing with us the video.

Post from: EveryJoe

Master Chief scares the socks off South Koreans

Don’t worry GTA fans, it’s not like you won’t get your hands on GTA IV this year.

Pachter thinks Master Chief has something to do with this delay, but it’s not because of some dubious derrière display. If you’ve lived like veal for the past year, here’s the lowdown: Halo 3 is coming out on September 25. GTA IV, on the other hand, will hit store shelves on October 16—exactly three weeks after Halo 3’s launch.

Releasing two huge products in close intervals is a business no-no because it would affect the sales of both. Notice how film companies try to get out of Sony’s way when they release a Spider-Man movie? Same thing here. Putting distance between Halo 3 and GTA IV is actually good for the sales of both games, so this decision by Take-Two is likely.

So how long will Halo 3 make GTA fans wait?

Pachter predicts a two-week delay. Peanuts. This decision would affect Take-Two’s fiscal earnings for ‘07, but their prospects for the ’08 FY are looking good. Let’s just hope they don’t pull off another Hot Coffee this time.

Read

Post from: EveryJoe

Halo 3 might cause GTA IV delay