ECW Results and Highlight Narrative

Mark Henry and Tony Atlas bend frying pans
Mike Knox def. Shannon Moore
Evan Bourne def. Chavo Guerrero
The Hardy Boyz def. Miz and Morrison

Image details: On A Bender served by picapp.com

Who is excited about tonight’s Hardy Boyz versus The Miz and Morrison? Both Mr. and Mrs. JabandGrapple.com. Mr. JandG is excited to see the high flying death defying world’s greatest super tag team of all time in their maybe last match EVVVVEEERRRRR. Mrs. JandG says “whooo hoooo. this is a match for the ladies. 3 1/2 hot guys fighting. Why can’t they do this every week?”

I’d like to argue. But I can’t. So until 10:45 p.m. lets hope ECW isn’t too painful.

Looks like my hopes have been denied. Mark Henry and Tony Atlas are doing their best Uri Geller impression by attempting to bend frying pans. I wish I had some more Drank!

Guess what? Mark Henry just bent a frying pan with his bare hands. It took like ten minutes. In the same time span Henry sweat enough to fill thirteen reservoirs. This is your fault Michael Hayes!!! Why did you have to insult the supposed world’s strongest man?

Tommy Dreamer just sauntered out to the center square to bend a frying pan of his own. Mrs. JandG offers “Look at his horrible fake leather pants. Do you think he’s going to catch the wolf?”

(Anybody who comments with an explanation of Mrs. JandG’s joke gets a bottle of Drank mailed to them. No questions asked.)

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ECW Results and Highlights

RESULTS
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne def. Mike Knox and Shelton Benjamin
Veronica def. Kelly Kelly
Finlay def. Armando Estrada
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
The Miz and Morrison def. Kane and CM Punk

Vince McMahon’s announcement of the June 23 WWE Draft has taken a bit of anticipation from tonight’s ECW matches. The bookend tag team matches were fun but their feuds will surely not be maintained when a few of these stars will be drafted into other WWE brands.

For example, it’s hard for me to put any attention to the Kofi Kingston - Shelton Benjamin rivalry because both deserve and appear to be moving upward and out of the ECW. Still, they’re very good in the ring together and I thought the toss flip Benjamin landed on his feet was impressive. Wish they had had more time to face off against each other.

Kofi seems suited to fill SmackDown’s high-flying void - at least until Rey Mysterio reappears - and his goofy Jamaican stereotype angle would fit on the Friday night show. That being said I thought the opening ECW tag team match was terrific.

I really like the in-ring aerials of Evan Bourne (who last week was Matt Sydal). If he’s given a chance he could pump a lot of excitement and action into the ECW and might even get himself a tag team title belt. Below is a youtube video of their match. If you didn’t see it, judge for yourself.

Regarding the other matches, I don’t ever mind seeing WWE Diva Kelly Kelly but I’ve already tired of the Armando Estrada saga which has descended into pure comic relief. Pinned by Hornswaggle! C’mon.

The main event tag team title match was watchable but Kane’s pre-match showdown with Big Show sapped the match’s momentum and relegated it to a sideshow to the future Night of Champions event.

ECW Results
The Miz def. Kane by disqualification
Shelton Benjamin def. Kofi Kingston
Kelly Kelly and Colin Delaney def. Mike Knox and Layla
Armando Estrada def. Colin Delaney
John Morrison and Chavo Guerrero def. CM Punk and Tommy Dreamer

Image details: MTV Spring Break In Cancun served by picapp.com

I’ll admit it. I liked last night’s ECW. Three of the four matches featured some good wrestling. The storylines were kept to a minimum and we just got to see some fun grappling.

Because of my love for all things Real World/Road Rules Challenge I enjoy The Miz and want to see him succeed. When he says “I’m I competitor” I know it to be true because I’ve seen him beat Abram in the Gauntlet and I’ve seen him kick ass in the Battle of the Seasons. So when I hear him booed and nearly decapitated by Kane I’m cheering for him but I’m also happy because he’s becoming a much better wrestler. Maybe this Kane feud could bring The Miz a single’s title.

Thought Kofi Kingston’s loss to Shelton Benjamin was overdue. I like Kingston as a wrestler but the undefeated thing was getting a little old. Now that Kofi and the Gold Standard have fought three times I’m wondering if their feud will continue or if they’ll move on to bigger and better things. I would love for the WWE branding thing to officially end with these two high flyers participating more in RAW and Smackdown.

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Results
Mike Knox def. Tommy Dreamer
Kofi Kingston def. Matt Striker
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Kane and CM Punk def. Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely

ECW’s 100th show on the SciFi Network was supposed to be a celebration. Instead, this viewer just wished SciFi would have replayed one of their myriad disaster movies. Maybe even Pterodactyl: Evil is in the Air, you know the one wear rapper Coolio empties lots of ammunition into countless prehistoric flying beats. I love that one.

Instead we were blessed with continued keep-rising-to-the-top saga of the scrawny, ultimate underdog Colin Delaney who against all odds defeated ECW GM Armando Estrada and won an ECW contract. Give me a break. After winning the bout, Colin’s faux-thankful and amazed face appeared as genuine as American Idol David Archuleta while listening to the judges. Not at all. Learn how to act Colin and please go get a spray tan.

In between bouts the ECW showed top highlights from the previous 100 episodes including a really long clip of the Boogeyman spitting worms into some poor wrestlers mouth. I immediately thought “Didn’t that happen to Coolio on Fear Factor?” Coolio, SciFi, Pterodactyls.

I snapped out of it long enough to see CM Punk and Kane team up against Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely while John Morrison and The Miz whined about a wide variety of topics alongside the newly stationary Mike Adamle. CM Punk was his usual high-flying, hard-working, entertaining self. Kane did a lot standing around. I’m sure a choke slam happened. But by that point I think I had dozed off.

RESULTS

• Tommy Dreamer & Kelly Kelly def. Mike Knox & Layla
• Jimmy Wang Yang def. John Morrison
• Kofi Kingston def. Shelton Benjamin
• Mark Henry def. Nunzio

Poor match booking from top to bottom this week on ECW. I’m struggling to find anything in the entire hour worthy passing along. The “Familia” as they’re now being called with Edge, Vickie Guerrero, Chavo, and others, attacked Kane in what I guess you could call the main event, even though it wasn’t a match. Giving the group a name is semi-useful. It was getting pretty confusing as it kept growing and the simple title goes a long way in helping keep its members straight.

I am glad Kane is getting a push, though giving him the ECW title so quick was quirky in the least. It’s showing with the same old, same old every week and nothing is going to pump the fans up for the title match at Backlash. I think given time it could develop into something, either with the “Familia” and Chavo or another opponent, but giving Kane the title in the fashion he did, an absolute squash at Wrestlemania, and then expecting fans to buy into a legit match just seems odd. I’d love to be surprised but my expectations for Sunday’s match are really, really low.

• Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, Jimmy Wang Yang, & Shannon Moore def. Deuce, Domino, Shelton Benjamin & Elijah Burke
• Kelly Kelly wins Diva Dance Off
• Mike Knox def. Colin Delaney
• ECW Champion Kane & World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker def. WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz (non-title)

• Mike Knox def. Stevie Richards
• Big Show def. Colin Delaney
• ECW Champion Kane & CM Punk def. Chavo Guerrero & Shelton Benjamin

• Snitsky pins Tommy Dreamer (24-Man Tag Team Match)
• Shelton Benjamin def. Carlito
• Mike Knox & Layla def. Stevie Richards & Kelly Kelly (Mixed Tag Team Match)
• ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero def. Tommy Dreamer (non-title)