I’m posting the WWE Night of Champions Pay-Per-View Results right here live. If I’m up to it I’ll live blog clever comments any funny stuff. If nothing funny or clever appears then I outsourced the Night of Champions results posts to Mrs. Jabandgrapple.

Match #8
Triple H def. John Cena to retain the WWE Championship

John Cena has to win this one. SmackDown can’t have both titles. Nevertheless, Mrs. Jabandgrapple’s intuition leans toward Triple H bringing both titles to Friday night. I have to agree.

Michael Cole says “If you’re not excited about this one then go home.” Well, I’m not excited about this one and I’m already at home. So what should I do?

Cole characterizes Cena as HHH as fan favorites. We wonder “who exactly likes Triple H besides the McMahons?”

It’s been all posing for the opening few minutes. Now it’s turned into a brawl with Cena getting the better of the proceedings. Now it’s HHH’s turn to be in charge.

Cena hits two flying shoulder spears but dawdles instead of pouncing on Triple H. Cena goes to the top rope and straddles Hunter to the ground. Next up is a powerful body slam. But he dawdles again and HHH certainly CAN see him.

HHH’s second attempt at a Pedigree goes horribly wrong as Cena counters and tosses him out of the ring. Helmsley grabs his left knee and grimaces in pain.

Cena quickly attacks the knee so the injury isn’t “real” like Randy Orton’s broken collarbone at One Night Stand. Phew.

John Cena lands the STFU but HHH gets to the rope and forces the hold broken. HHH hits a powerful Pedigree and looks to have pinned Cena but it is not to be.

Cena hits the FU and I thought he had the pin. They’re now trading blows in the center of the ring while the crowd lustily cheers. Cena dawdles again but this time hits the Five-Knuckle Shuffle.

Cena now has him in the center of the ring and caught in the STFU. HHH is in pain. Can he get to the rope? Yes, but Cena drags him back. HHH counters with a submission hold of his own. Cena will NEVER tap out, we say. His neck is stronger than Triple H.

While in the submission hold he picks up HHH but The Game counters with a Pedigree and pins John Cena. Mrs. Jabandgrapple says “Wrestling sucks!” and I can’t disagree. Eff Triple H, Eff the McMahons, Eff them all. Regardless, this was a great match.

Cena leaves the ring holding his shoulder as if he’s injured his pectoral again. We hope that isn’t true.

Match #7
Edge def. Batista to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

I say Batista wins this one and brings the #2 belt to RAW while HHH retains the #1 belt and brings in to SmackDown. Full disclosure, I want Edge and Cena to win. The winner of this match definitely will determine the winner of the next match, right?

Edge is running around trying to make Batista chase him but The Animal contains his rage, catches Edge and controls the action early on.

Edge grabs control back by slamming Batista into the ring post and then viciously kicking him out of the ring with a well-timed slide.

I know how much everyone hates Edge but he’s a really underrated wrestler. He’s clever, athletic, and entertaining. That’s the full package IMHO. My broadband connection is cutting off so much now that listening to this match is like trying to decipher the garbled dialogue of the Miami Vice movie.

Edge has been in charge for the last five minutes now and currently has Batista in a modified sleeper hold. A hold that can’t contain the Animal. No siree!

Batista rushes headlong into Edge, but the Ultimate Opportunist counters nicely and nearly pins the Animal. Batista is hurting now but manages to land a blow to Edge’s head. They’re both on the canvas now.

When they arise it’s Batista who establishes control. He hits a clothesline and a spear but somehow Edge lifts his shoulder before the three count. Edge counters a Batista Bomb attempt with a DDT but can’t close the deal.

Batista uncharacteristically goes to the top rope but Edge drops him. Vickie Guerrero is now being wheeled to the ring by the blonde tag team twins.

Batista is about to pin Edge when Vickie jumps out of her wheelchair and stops the pin. Edge knocks the referee out and Chavo Guerrero enters the ring to be the guest ref. Batista grabs Vickie and tosses her out of the ring onto Chavo and Bam Neely.

Bedlam has ensued. Edge rolls Batista while we are all distracted by a pain-soaked Vickie. He pins the Animal while Chavo provides the three count and retains the title.

Match #6
Mickie James def. Katie Lea to retain the WWE Women’s Championship

Mickie won the Championship in England, will she lose it to someone “from England”? I like Katie Lea’s costume switch from cheesy velvet to glistening purple leather. Are Mickie James’ pants made of snakeskin or is it just my poor broadband connection?

The WWE Divas just don’t hold the same cachet for me when they’re not in high definition. Mickie James pins Katie Lea after landing a gutsy DDT.

Match #5
Kofi Kingston def. Chris Jericho to win the Intercontinental Championship

Y2J is now here to “save himself from all of you.” instead of saving everyone from whatever it is he’s saving them from. His mystery challenger is Kofi Kingston. We LOOOOVVVE Kofi Kingston but we also love Y2J. This promises to be our favorite match of the night.

We can’t believe Kingston has already been given a pay-per-view slot fighting a pro wrestling legend. What a step up! Kofi brings it with some impressive leaps and a fantastic splash jump over the ropes that hits an out-of-the-ring Y2J.

Jericho has turned brawler now and is smashing Kingston against the apron. The tide has turned as the match has descended into a brawl, something Kofi is not skilled at.

Kofi isn’t ready for this leap in competition but his turn has been a lot more game than most. He just doesn’t have the ability yet to sell a long match. Kofi lands a few moves and almost pins Y2J after countering a Walls of Jericho with a Small Package.

There’s been like five 2 7/8 counts for Kingston so far. Y2J hits a Walls of Jericho and Shawn Michaels rushes to the ring. He hits Lance Cade, who is standing at ringside, with Sweet Chin Music and Y2J is distracted.

Kofi takes advantage and PINS Y2J TO WIN THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE! This turn of events is unimaginable. Jabandgrapple.com is sooooo excited.

Y2J is understandably angry and attacks Shawn Michaels hitting him in his already injured eye. HBK writhes around on the ground in pain. His and Y2J’s feud will continue but fresh blood has a title. This is a welcome turn of events for the WWE.

Kingston could become a fitting heir to high-flyers like Jimmy Snuka (who amazingly never was able to win the Intercontinental Title) and Ricky Steamboat (who was the greatest Intercontinental Champ of all time).

A high-flyer should have the Intercontinental Title and we’re glad one has it now.

***

I don’t like JBL but his between match commentary on Dallas’ many sports failures is the highlight of the night. By far.

Match #4
Ted DiBiase, Jr. and Cody Rhodes def. Hardcore Holly to win the World Tag Team Championship

DiBiase can’t win a title in his first WWE match ever, can he? We say no. But a viable feud will begin. It would be great if this were a TNA star. Wouldn’t it? DiBiase is now asking for the match to be delayed until his partner arrives in ten minutes.

DiBiase asks to fight Hardcore Holly instead of Cody Rhodes who had appeared in the center of the ring to start the fight. Rhodes then decks Holly proving himself to be DiBiase’s mystery partner. This plot twist was revealed ages ago and isn’t particular interesting. DiBiase pins Holly within a minute of the match’s start bringing the Championship to DiBiase and Rhodes.

Match #3
Triple Threat Match
Mark Henry def. Big Show and Kane to win the ECW Title.

Since Mark Henry is the only one of these three in the ECW, doesn’t that mean that he’s going to win? Just saying. And when he wins how many extra holes are they going to have to add to the belt? Will they have to waterproof it to protect it from the “World’s Strongest Man’s” sweat?

Dallas Cowboy great and Pennsylvania football hero Tony Dorsett is at ringside! Will he jump into the fray like Shawne Merriman did at One Night Stand? It’s doubtful.

Let it be known, I am so uninterested in this match that I’m going to take a break now and eat dinner. There’s something about 400+ pound behemoths that makes me hungry.

Kane and Big Show double choke slam Mark Henry, which looks pretty cool. Then they argue about who can pin the strong one.

Kane’s actually coming with it in this one. He’s jumping off the ropes and proving to be a lot more athletic then he lets on in the weekday shows. Kane suplexes Big Show from the top rope but knocks himself so silly that Mark Henry pins Kane for the ECW title. Who didn’t see this one coming?

Match #2
Matt Hardy def. Chavo Guerrero to retain the United States Championship

They can’t take this belt away from Hardy after they’ve sent him to ECW, can they? I guess this is a good match but, as my I Got the Pay-Per-View Blues post explained, nothing looks good in standard def to me.

These two have brought a good mix of technical wrestling, holds, moves, and high-flying, high-risk maneuvers. Hardy almost pins Chavo with a Side Effect and then lands a flying elbow from the top rope.

Good back and forth. Hardy goes for a high risk finisher but Chavo gets a toe hold submission move on the Hardy Boyz member. Matt touches the rope and then hits a DDT but can’t get the pin. Chavo gets another toe hold submission in but Hardy gets the rope again.

Soonafter Hardy lands a Twist of Fate and pins Chavo. Two titles up, no titles change. Yawn. JR calls the US Championship prestigious. Who is he kidding?

Match #1
The Miz and Morrison def. Finlay and Hornswaggle to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship

It was pretty much guaranteed that this stinker of a title match was going to open the Night of Champions pay-per-view.

FYI, Hornswaggle was able go on every Six Flags of Texas amusement park ride yesterday. (Mick’s joke, not mine.) Hornswaggle tries to escape to the locker room but Miz and Morrison collect him and bring him back.

Then the Irish “father and son” team to some entertaining in-ring teamwork. But that has to be their Gettysburg, their high water mark.

Are we really supposed to accept Hornswaggle as a viable wrestler? Or is beating him up some sort of bullying? This match seems to be asking us to accept both realities as Hornswaggle rotates between scoring moves against the tag team champs and being pitied by the announcers while getting beat up.

The little guy tags Finlay in and the Belfast Brawler wreaks some havoc. Finlay tries to pull off the “toss the dwarf” onto the prone competitor move but Miz and Morrison intervene, toss the dwarf themselves, and pin the poor leprechaun.

Match over. Thank heavens.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Night of Champions Pay-Per-View Results

Tonight Manny Pacquiao (46-3-2), arguably the #1 pound-for-pound boxer in the world, is stepping up a weight class to fight Ring Magazine’s #3 ranked lightweight David Diaz (34-4-1). It should be a great action fight and a lot of fun. The undercard features the great junior lightweight Humberto Soto (Ring’s #4; 44-6-2) who faces Francisco Lorenzo (32-4) and the skilled featherweight Steven Luevano (Ring’s #3, 35-1) who faces Mario Santiago (19-1).

Tomorrow the WWE Night of Champions is sure to see either a change in the WWE Heavyweight Title or the WWE Championship. Truthfully though the only match I’m interested in is the climax to the Batista vs. La Familia saga: Edge vs. The Animal. I’m really not too thrilled about John Cena vs. HHH (again), whichever lumbering big men are fighting and, c’mon, Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle(!).

If I had won Vince McMahon’s Million Dollar Giveaway I would be buying both events. But I didn’t and I’m buying neither.

If I were choosing between the two I’d buy the Pacquiao fight but then I’d be giving up three hours of my Saturday night to watch an event not broadcasted (at least via Comcast Harrisburg, Pa.) in high definition. That ain’t gonna happen.

I may find a way to watch these events but until then I got the Pay-Per-View blues.

Post from: EveryJoe

I Got the Pay-Per-View Blues

These last two picks and the final match are going to have to be pretty darn great to get me into a good mood. Lucky for me, they are.

Match/Draft Pick #9 and #10
The last match is a 15-man Royal Rumble with 5 representatives from each brand. RAW looks pretty stacked but since pre-match RAW had 4 wrestler picks, SmackDown 2, and ECW 1 it’s clear that a SmackDown fighter is going to prevail.

The competitors have matching T-shirts which Mrs. Jabandgrapple thinks are darling. It’s a pretty good Royal Rumble highlighted by a vicious clash of heads between Batista and Edge. Batista’s head is gashed open and he oozes blood. The Animal is dazed for about five minutes before Big Show mercifully lifts him over the top rope. Batista clearly has a concussion. Let’s hope he can fight on Sunday.

The last four competitors are John Cena (RAW), HHH (RAW), Big Show (SmackDown) and Edge (SmackDown). Big Show is a perennial Royal Rumble favorite since he’s approximately 2,000 pounds. This doesn’t deter the RAW tandem who gang up on him and flip him over the top rope. Edge spends much of this time prone on the canvas. He too looks a little dazed and might also have a concussion from the Batista clash of heads.

Cena and HHH can’t contain their anger and attack each other. Edge capitalizes on their impetuousness and knocks them both out of the ring.

After the match and after Vince McMahon gives away $500,000 the stage collapses around him, he’s trapped, and finally wheeled out by EMT staff. We’re thinking amnesia or an altered personality as an excuse to stop giving away the money.

SmackDown Draft pick #1: Mr. Kennedy

Draft Grade: B+ The RAW stable was getting crowded and Kennedy is poised for bigger and better things on SmackDown.

SmackDown Draft pick #2: Triple H

Draft Grade: A- The snarling Cerberus of Orton-HHH-Cena has finally been separated. Thank heavens! The Night of Champions title matches just go a lot more interesting. I say Batista brings the World Heavyweight Championship to RAW while Triple H retains the WWE Title and takes that to SmackDown.

Overall Analysis: B-
The 2008 WWE Draft made a pretty big statement by moving Triple H away from RAW. That could sufficiently shake up the boring re-match PPV scene all by itself. Most of the picks turned out to be swaps of similar wrestlers. The brand landscapes haven’t changed that much.

Who wins the swaps, we wondered:

Rey Mysterio (RAW) vs. Jeff Hardy (SmackDown): PUSH
CM Punk (RAW) vs. Mr. Kennedy (SmackDown): SmackDown
Batista (RAW) vs. Triple H (SmackDown): RAW
Kane (RAW) vs. Umaga (SmackDown): RAW by a nose

So RAW wins by a nose but overall I’d have to give the edge (pardon the pun) to SmackDown.

The real loser was Matt Hardy and the ECW. Matt doesn’t have the ability to headline a brand like Kane or his brother. We can only hope that ECW’s dearth of draft picks means a talent import from other wrestling promotions.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #9, #10 and Overall Analysis

I’m angry and disappointed by the earlier draft pick that separated the recently reunited Matt Hardy from his brother. I was excited about tonight’s draft and now I just want to stop writing altogether. But I’m going to soldier on.

Oh by the way, the Million Dollar Madness password tonight is Night of Champions Winning that money might be the only thing that could cheer me up..

Match/Draft Pick #6
Edge (SmackDown) vs. John Cena (RAW)
Edge is counted out of the ring more because of indifference than injury. Edge has his mind on Sunday’s match and for good reason. After the match Batista flattens him and is…

RAW Draft Pick: Batista

Draft Grade: A-. We asked for this one and it’s a good change.

Match/Draft Pick #7
MVP (SmackDown) vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW)
Was this match ever in doubt? MVP wins with zero effort.

SmackDown Draft Pick: Umaga

Draft Grade: A-. We asked for this one too and it’s another good change.

Match/Draft Pick #8
Kofi Kingston (ECW) vs. JBL (RAW)
Can Kofi step it up against the much larger brawler? We sure hope so. Alas, he can’t and JBL finishes him off with a clothesline.

RAW Draft Pick: Kane

Draft Grade: C. Kane never really fit on ECW but the goofy big man friendly environs of SmackDown feels like it would have been a better fit. I find Kane so uninteresting and so boring. This pick is sort of blah for me.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #6, #7, and #8

We’ve already seen Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy move. As you already know tonight’s bouts will match-up two brands against each other. The winner gets the draft pick. More importantly, the Guy at Ringside Dressed like Hulk Hogan that was at every Michigan show a few months ago is back in the front row tonight in San Antonio!

Oh, and the Million Dollar Madness password tonight is Night of Champions.

Match/Draft Pick #3
Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely (ECW) vs. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes (RAW)
Holly hits an Alabama slammer and pins Chavo.

RAW Draft Pick: CM Punk

Draft Grade: B. So that’s who Rey Mysterio is going to fight. A lot of people seem to love CM Punk (I’m not one of them) so his promotion up to RAW makes sense; he’s been billed as a bigger star than the ECW stage provides. Is his presence going to make RAW better? Is his going to fight for those titles? Maybe. He can face Rey, Shawn Michaels, Y2J, and even Cena-Orton-HHH. Let’s hope he can step up to the challenge.

Match/Draft Pick #4
The Miz and Morrison (ECW) vs. The Hardy Boyz (SmackDown)
We have the Hardy Boyz together sooner than expected! It’s like they were never apart. They were meant to be a tag team. Still, Miz and Morrison have really improved as a partnership and this is a pretty good match. Morrison pins Matt Hardy with some dastardly tactics. Best match of the night so far.

ECW Draft Pick: Matt Hardy

Draft Grade: F. Not only does this choice stink but it also lowers the grade of every previous pick. I’m crushed. Matt doesn’t belong in ECW purgatory and he doesn’t deserve to be separated from his brother.

Match/Draft Pick #5
Mickie James and Melina (RAW) vs. Natalya and Victoria (SmackDown)
Melina gets hurt and both teams are DQ’d. Both RAW and SmackDown get draft picks.

SmackDown Draft Pick: Announcer Jim Ross
RAW Draft Pick: Announcer Michael Cole

Draft Grade: B I really liked both announcing teams and wasn’t sure if a change needed to happen. Nevertheless JR and Mick Foley should prove to be a very entertaining pair. The four announcers look shocked and have a hard time saying anything. Maybe the advance word was true and no one knew what was going to happen to their lives.

The truth is I’m putting my computer away for the night. I’ll watch the rest of RAW some time tomorrow. I’m sad and disgusted. I thought this Draft was going to bring change and new life to the WWE. Instead it seems like a reinforced status quo laced by vindictive decisions. Arrrggghh.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #3, #4, and #5

Tonight’s bouts will match-up two brands against each other. The winner gets the draft pick. More importantly, the Guy at Ringside Dressed like Hulk Hogan that was at every Michigan show a few months ago is back in the front row tonight in San Antonio!

Oh, and the Million Dollar Madness password tonight is Night of Champions.

Match/Draft Pick #1
Triple H (RAW) vs. Mark Henry (SmackDown)
Henry gets the most of Triple H for most of this match but there’s no way the WWE Champion is going to lose this one. And he doesn’t. He hits the “World’s Strongest Man” with a Pedigree and the sweaty one is out for the count.

RAW Draft Pick: Rey Mysterio! And there he is!!! He looks great and ready to rumble. RAW just got a lot more exciting but we don’t know how the tiny luchador is going to do among RAW’s pantheon of behemoths. Maybe this means John Cena or Randy Orton is moving to SmackDown.

Draft Grade: D. This doesn’t really alleviate RAW’s matchup rut since we don’t think Mysterio is going to be fighting Cena-Triple H-Orton at PPV’s any time soon. Their massive size difference is painfully obvious when Mysterio stands with Cena-Triple H during the next segment. Is he going to fight Jeff Hardy every week? This doesn’t make sense unless there are a lot more changes to come.

Match/Draft Pick #2
Finlay and Hornswaggle (SmackDown) vs. Santino Marella and Carlito (RAW)
Looks like Vince McMahon is getting back at Santino for insulting the Triple H politics. Santino gets pinned by the little leprechaun. How embarrassing.

SmackDown Draft Pick: Jeff Hardy.

Draft Grade: B. We called for this pick in our Draft Wish List because we wanted to see the Hardy Boyz reunited but also because we wanted to see Jeff fight Rey Mysterio. With Mysterio gone to RAW this seems like an even swap that won’t really change the make-up of either brand. Too bad. It leaves poor Rey without a high-flying RAW counterpart.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #1 and #2

Segments and Matches covered in Part Three:
Great Khali def. Charles Robinson
Jesse and Festus def. Deuce and Domino
Finlay def. The Miz

How many ways did Vickie Guerrero take advantage of her situation on tonight’s SmackDown. How many horrible things did she do over the span of two hours. Let us count the ways and rate the level of badness from Bad to Really Really Really Really Bad.
Click here for Bad Things #1 through #6.
Click Here for Bad Thing #7 through #11.
Click Here for Bad Thing #17 through #20

Bad Thing #12) She chooses The Great Khali to fight Charles Robinson!
jabandgrapple.com comment: Charles Robinson is half Khali’s size but, probably, twice as good a technical wrestler even without any experience. If Robinson just starts running around the ring Khali might actually trip and fall trying to catch him. It’s worth a shot. If not Robinson might want to check the below chart. It’s for serious head trauma injuries.
Level of Badness: Really Really Really Bad. As Mick Foley said “(this match) is a perfect example of Vickie Guerrero’s vindictiveness.” Can it get any worse?

Bad Thing #13) Robinson tries to run away but Vickie Guerrero has sent Hawkins and Ryder to keep him in the ring.
jabandgrapple.com comment: This is Vindictive Vickie at her worst. Or is it?
Level of Badness: Really Really Really Bad.

Bad Thing #14) Vickie has evidently instructed the Great Khali to punish and seriously injure Robinson. It just got worse. The match is ended after Khali nearly crushes Robinson’s head between his gargantuan palms.
jabandgrapple.com comment: Robinson might never be the same again. We want Vickie to have to fight Great Khali. Right now!
Level of Badness: Really Really Really Really Bad.

Bad Thing #15) Jesse and Festus vs. Deuce and Domino
jabandgrapple.com comment: Before the fight can even happen Deuce and Domino attack each other. Couldn’t they have settled this before the match.
Level of Badness: Really Really Bad but probably not Vickie’s fault.

Bad Thing #16) Finlay vs. The Miz while Morrison continuously calls Hornswaggle a toad.
jabandgrapple.com comment: I enjoy these guys but their Night of Champions tag team match seems like a bad idea.
Level of Badness: Really Good but this has nothing to do with Vickie, it’s an ECW matchup.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Vickie Guerrero Must Be Stopped Part Three