1. Los Angeles Dodgers
The Dodgers have consistently been near the top of the rankings. Now that Manny Ramirez is back, there’s no reason why they can’t run away with the best record in the National League.

2. Boston Red Sox
Earlier in the season, the Red Sox were struggling due to poor starting pitching. With their starters giving better performances, Boston now appears to be the team to beat in the American League.

3. New York Yankees
After a slow start, the Yankees have been very good. The money they spent in the offseason has been money well spent to this point. As long as they stay healthy, the Yankees appeared to be heading to the 2009 MLB playoffs.

4. Philadelphia Phillies
The Phillies are playing very well right now. They entered the MLB All-Star break with five straight wins. Their goal of winning back-to-back championships is definitely alive and kicking.

5. Los Angeles Angels
To begin the season, the Angels had to deal with tragedy. Now, the Angels appear to be hitting their stride. Expect the Angels to be able to hold off the Texas Rangers in the AL West.

The sky is the limit for the Dodgers with Manny Ramirez (Image: Zuma Press)

Post from: EveryJoe

Baseball Power Rankings – All-Star Break

Finish your coffee or tea before reading or you’re likely to snort it through your nose and onto your keyboard. And who wants to clean up a mess like that?

Check out this wish-we-wrote-it take on Buckner’s return and the tongue-in-cheek search for former Red Sox pitcher Bob Stanley.

Post from: EveryJoe

One More Post on Bill Buckner (’Cause This Link is Too Funny to Keep to Ourselves)

Not only did the Red Sox win their Opening Day game in Japan, but roller derby is expanding in the traitor state that roots for the Yankees because it thinks it’s part of New York Connecticut. All we need now is a vibrant curling subculture, though that might be a little too intense for our corner of the U.S.

Now, of the hundreds of posts we’ve done for Gossip On Sports, nary a one has touched on the elegant sport of women’s roller derby. Why? Well, quite frankly, we’re frightened of those chicks.

It’s one thing to throw a right hook in kickboxing class and smugly congratulate yourself for having better technique than all the other gals. (Not that we do that or anything.) But to be punk as all get-out and engage in a catfight on wheels? We’re afraid. We’re very afraid.

Yet while we’re quivering in our open-toed stilettos (yay for Spring!) at these ladies, some people actually suppress their fight-or-flight instinct and watch the sport. And the menfolk are in on it, too. Three new men’s teams have been added to the Connecticut circuit, as the other half of Team Revision (and that’s NOT a roller derby team) pointed out to us recently.

That being said, you know it’s just a matter of time before this thing goes co-ed and turns into some kind of S & M skatefest.

Remember, you read that prediction here first.

Post from: EveryJoe

Roller Derby Scares Us

As we scour the spring training reports and can’t wait for the Red Sox to dominate in 2008 and make the Yankees look like fools prepare for the upcoming baseball season, we thought this 2007 gem would whet the appetites of baseball lovers near and far. 

Troy Tulowitzki of the Colorado Rockies made it look easy. But as the announcer says here (36s), the unassisted wonder-play has only happened 13 times in MLB history.

Post from: EveryJoe

Baseball Video: A One-Man Triple Play

Unfortunately, the “prospects” were poolside teenage girls, and the “hands-on” part is, um, to be taken very, very literally. Oh yes, it’s what you’re thinking. We do mean that.

Levis was allegedly in his hotel room window—some witnesses say for a whopping 40 minutes—while performing his lewd act. The not-PR-savvy talent scout claims he’d just stepped out of the shower and thus sans clothes. (And what, forgot that he didn’t have any pockets and so found something else to do with his hands?)

What isn’t known is exactly when 39-year-old Levis was assaulted with the Stupidity Club (lesser known cousin of the Ugly Stick) that led him to do this in the first place.

Post from: EveryJoe

Red Sox Talent Scout Shows a Talent for Fondling Himself

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon, always good for a quote (or a dance move; see below) offered his two cents on Hank Steinbrenner’s trash-talking, per ESPN: 

“ I don’t know if he’s trying to stir things up or not,” Boston’s closer told the Hartford Courant. “I sure as hell don’t care, because he sure as hell hasn’t stepped foot on a baseball field. He needs to just stick to pencil-pushing, I guess.” 

(If we weren’t die-hard Sox fans, we might make a big fuss about Boston’s principal owner John Henry being more pencil-pusher than athlete. Instead, we’re just kind of whispering it to you, like this). 

Oh, and if somehow you feel compelled to see Papelbon and some of his teammates trip the light fantastic, you can see the dance party (and alarming fashion choices) here.

Post from: EveryJoe

Jonathan Papelbon: Steinbrenner, Pencil-Pushing, and Dancing

The other day he yapped about the concept of Red Sox Nation being “a bunch of [waste product originating from a bull].” Following that, Boston Red Sox principal owner John Henry granted him membership into said concept identified as a bunch of waste product originating from a bull (i.e., Red Sox Nation).

And now, our pal Hank’s lucky streak continues. Check out the story below, undercovered by Frank Coffey and his coterie of top-notch investigative satirists journalists at eTrueSports.com.

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 Steinbrenner Will Receive “Idiot Son of the Year” Award

“If You Just Keep Opening Your Mouth Good Things Will Happen”

 Crawford, TX – The New York Yankees’ Hank Steinbrenner will receive The American Sterilization Society’s “Idiot Son of the Year Award” at the group’s annual gala to be held this year in Crawford, TX. “I dreamed this day would come,” said Steinbrenner, “but, to be honest, I never imagined it would happen so quickly. I guess this proves that if you just keep opening your mouth, good things will happen. I’m thrilled.”

“Hank Steinbrenner is the embodiment of what we are all about,” said an  American Sterilization Society (A.S.S.) spokesman.

The prestigious ISY (“eye-see”) award will be presented by James Dolan, major domo of the NBA’s New York Knickerbockers, and himself the son of a successful (and proud) father, mega-mogul Charles Dolan, owner of Cablevision.  

“Hank and I are kindred spirits,” said Dolan, Jr. in a written statement, “this is extremely cool.”

Steinbrenner’s father, George Steinbrenner, known as “The Boss” was well known for his headline-grabbing quotes, including this now iconic pearl: “Some guys can lead through genuine respect, I’m not that kind of leader.”

This week, The Boss’s son did his father proud when he told The New York Times Play magazine: “(America) is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

“I’m a big Hank fan,” said Red Sox owner John Henry in a telephone interview with eTrueSports, “he’s truly deserving of the ISY Award.”

Post from: EveryJoe

Hank Steinbrenner: Award Winner?

The Red Sox signed portly—now that’s an understatement—pitcher Bartolo Colon to a minor-league contract. Colon, listed as 5′11″ and 245 pounds (now there’s another understatement), will *ideally* bounce back from his injury-hampered, post-Cy Young days to become a factor in the starting rotation.

Thumbs up to Boston Dirt Dog for clever Photoshopping and for conveying the essence of “Boston Sports Fan” all in one fell swoop. We can’t post it here but check out the link.

A shout-out to reader Prospero for sending this our way!

Post from: EveryJoe

Bartolo Colon—Or Is It “Calzone”?

Get ready for the 2008 unveiling of . . . the Doki-doki! The Japanese pitcher, like teammate and countryman Daisuke Matsuzaka, speaks through a translator. Okajima’s translator (Jeff Yamaguchi) explains the dual meaning of the phrase: “sounds of a heartbeat” and our favorite, the oh-do-we-hope-it’s-true “he makes me nervous.”

The pitch can be used for lefties as well and righties–which way it breaks is anyone’s guess (including Okajima’s, it seems).

Let’s hope the Doki-doki is not only okey-dokie, but honky dory as well. (Wow, that was a trip. We haven’t been that corny in a long time. Don’t cringe now, but it actually felt pretty good . . .)

Post from: EveryJoe

Red Sox Secret: Hideki’s Doki-doki

The Yanks’ shortstop-loving El Capitan gets a thumbs up from us because he supports blood testing in MLB players for banned substances. Better yet, he’s not afraid to take this stance even though the MLB union itself poo-poos the idea.

According to ESPN (via Bloomberg News), Jeter said, “You can test for whatever you want to test for.” Not only that, he wouldn’t view such testing as an invasion of privacy.

Bring it on! Let’s hear it for high-profile baseball players with nothing to hide. If this attitude were adopted universally, no one would have their panties in a bunch over the game’s integrity . . . and we could all get back to baseball, pure and simple.

OK, Jeter, now that’s enough. Don’t give us anymore excuses to kinda sorta warm up to you.

Post from: EveryJoe

Jeter: Bring on the Blood Test