If you don’t have time to go through the video, you can check out Filmgecko’s writeup on the G.I. Joe movie cast.

Of course, since this blog is about classic and retro games, I’ve opted to, at least for the meantime, stick to the topic and give you a review of what is probably the first G.I. Joe video game, G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike for the Atari 2600.

Here’s a two-word review for the game: IT SUCKS!

Well, G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike might have been cool back in the 1980s, especially with that good rendition of a giant cobra swishing back and forth in an attempt to obliterate the Joes, but in retrospect, I find it more fun moving a small dot that represents the Millennium Falcon around a large dot that represents the Death Star. Yes, I’m talking about the classic Star Wars video game, Return of the Jedi: Death Star Battle.

Going back to G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike, the player controls a G.I. Joe training camp on the bottom of the screen protected by a barrier and armed with two laser cannons. In this mode, the goal is to keep the giant cobra-operated robot snake from destroying the shield and thus the training camp by hitting it eight times. The Cobra robot shoots (surprise, surprise) venom and laser beams.

In the cooperative mode, the training camp is split between two players as they work to destroy the Cobra robot. There is also a competition mode in which one player plays Cobra and the other takes the role of G.I. Joe, of course.

Find it interesting? Well I don’t, except for the fact that it’s a G.I. Joe video game. I’m not the only one. Check out this video by Classic Game Room where the guy who did the voiceover talked less about the video game and more about the cartoon and comic book series.

Post from: EveryJoe

G.I. Joe: Cobra Strike for Atari 2600. Ewwww!

Here’s an excerpt from his post entitled, “For The People That Watched Captain N As A Kid, I have a ‘?’ “:

Was Simon Belmont gay?

Not that it matters or anything, but I remember being eight (years old) and thinking he was a little, hmmm, off, you could say. Today was Day One of my 12-day vacation so I went on YouTube and watched like a shit shiznit load of “Captain N” shows. Funny how I remember a lot of them.

But in every show, Simon always pulls out a mirror to look at himself, he brushes his hair quite more than a non-gay male would. He seems to hit on Princess Lana a lot, but it seems forced (like maybe he is trying to prove something) and when they do talk, it’s more of a girl to girl chat.

Haha. I’ve been wondering about the same thing for years … until I found out what a narcissist is, and this is exactly how poor ol’ Simon Belmont of Castlevania fame is portrayed in the Captain N animated series.

There’s an interesting entry about the Captain N version of Simon Belmont in the pages of The Video Game Museum.

Post from: EveryJoe

Is Simon Belmont gay?

Wait! Before you start stoning me, you might want to take a gander at this:

Like I said, unimaginative and boring.

Fortunately for Boulder Dash fans out there, the game has been remade into Boulder Dash: Rocks!, which is, thanks to digital and technological evolution, way better than the original. And thanks to a friend who owns both a Nintendo DS and a copy of Boulder Dash: Rocks!, I found the time to enjoy the classic without the irritating sounds produced by the original Boulder Dash.

Aside from graphics and sound upgrades, there’s also a big change in the background story. Instead of simply being Rockford the Prospector, the hero of Boulder Dash gets a real heroic goal in the guise of Crystal, the girl of his dreams that craves shiny large rocks. Bling! Bling!

Let me just shut up and let a video do the talking:

Post from: EveryJoe

Boulder Dash: Rocks! A rockin’ remake

Oh, I used to enjoy playing it, back when I was, what, 10 years old. I thought I could rekindle the flame by watching a video of Swashbuckler, but no go, unlike other Apple II video games.

The problem: Swashbuckler grew old pretty quickly. Check out this entry in Wikipedia about the reception of the game (emphasis in bold face mine):

Computer Gaming World gave Swashbuckler a glowing review, only lamenting the rollover of the five-digit score at 250 (which was fixed prior to final publication), appended by an editor’s note that, although the graphics were superb and the concept somewhat unique, the players at CGW grew tired of the lack of variety after a few dozen kills.

Not convinced it’s a bad game? If you can sit down in front of the PC for the entire length of the video, Paul might give you a cookie.

Post from: EveryJoe

Swashbuckler: I don’t know why I even played this game

Not exactly what I was looking for. I was thinking more along the lines of those Mario Brothers spoofs and fanfic videos I showed you before. Oh, don’t mind those other videos that made our red jumper-clad hero look like a total jerk. Unfortunately, the Sonic video I just showed you looked more like it was Batman spoofing the hedgehog.

Anyway, I’ll continue my Sonic watch, meaning I’ll go look for more entertaining videos on our favorite blue hedgehog.

Post from: EveryJoe

Sonic Spoof #1: The Dark Knight

I know, I know. You’re probably asking, “What the hell do you think you’re doing watching an 80s cartoon that trashed one of Nintendo’s most beloved characters?”

The answer is: I just had to see if my loathing for the Captain Nintendo version of Simon Belmont is gone. Apparently, it’s still there. The only way this feeling will dissipate is when they actually give the vain dude a movie of his own.

Hey, Van Helsing got his own film, I don’t see why Simon Belmont, vampire hunter, can’t have one.

Post from: EveryJoe

Simon Belmont faints

Oh, and in case you’re wondering if I’m also in the mood to forgive Simon Belmont’s nasty behavior in Captain Nintendo (you know, that Saturday morning cartoon series), it’s a NO.

Post from: EveryJoe

Castlevania: No-death run

Post from: EveryJoe

Legend of Zelda cartoon: Real cheesy

For those of you who don’t know what Tamagotchi is, I refer you to the description provided in Wikipedia:

The Tamagotchi is a handheld digital pet created in 1996 by Aki Maita and sold by Bandai. Over 10 million Tamagotchis have been sold as of 2005. The Tamagotchi is housed in a small and simple egg-shaped computer. Three buttons (A, B, and C) allow the user to select and perform an activity, including: feeding the Tamagotchi a piece of food or a snack, playing games with the Tamagotchi, cleaning up a Tamagotchi’s waste (ewww), and checking its age, discipline, hunger, happiness, and other statistics.

There are five versions and it is very likely that more varieties of Tamagotchis will be made.

Right.

Still don’t have an idea how the darn thing works? Check out this video:

Sigh. Now where’d I put my Tamagotchi?

Post from: EveryJoe

Tamagotchi: Pikachu, I choose you! Oops, wrong product

Anyway, here I am searching for references to some old games I used to play when I came across a video on YouTube featuring Spiderman for the Atari 2600. My first thought: “Damn, it totally sucks!” There I go again with the word.

Well, go check it out and tell me it doesn’t … suck.

Frankly, the text-based Spiderman video game on my old Apple IIc is more exciting than this blocky version. I’m trying to block out thoughts that E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial looks and plays better than Spiderman for the Atari 2600.

Post from: EveryJoe

Spiderman on Atari 2600 sucks, totally