Here’s an excerpt from his post entitled, “For The People That Watched Captain N As A Kid, I have a ‘?’ “:

Was Simon Belmont gay?

Not that it matters or anything, but I remember being eight (years old) and thinking he was a little, hmmm, off, you could say. Today was Day One of my 12-day vacation so I went on YouTube and watched like a shit shiznit load of “Captain N” shows. Funny how I remember a lot of them.

But in every show, Simon always pulls out a mirror to look at himself, he brushes his hair quite more than a non-gay male would. He seems to hit on Princess Lana a lot, but it seems forced (like maybe he is trying to prove something) and when they do talk, it’s more of a girl to girl chat.

Haha. I’ve been wondering about the same thing for years … until I found out what a narcissist is, and this is exactly how poor ol’ Simon Belmont of Castlevania fame is portrayed in the Captain N animated series.

There’s an interesting entry about the Captain N version of Simon Belmont in the pages of The Video Game Museum.

Post from: EveryJoe

Is Simon Belmont gay?

Wait! Before you start stoning me, you might want to take a gander at this:

Like I said, unimaginative and boring.

Fortunately for Boulder Dash fans out there, the game has been remade into Boulder Dash: Rocks!, which is, thanks to digital and technological evolution, way better than the original. And thanks to a friend who owns both a Nintendo DS and a copy of Boulder Dash: Rocks!, I found the time to enjoy the classic without the irritating sounds produced by the original Boulder Dash.

Aside from graphics and sound upgrades, there’s also a big change in the background story. Instead of simply being Rockford the Prospector, the hero of Boulder Dash gets a real heroic goal in the guise of Crystal, the girl of his dreams that craves shiny large rocks. Bling! Bling!

Let me just shut up and let a video do the talking:

Post from: EveryJoe

Boulder Dash: Rocks! A rockin’ remake

Post from: EveryJoe

Legend of Zelda cartoon: Real cheesy

Well, I’ve been planning to write about this Strawberry Shortcake game for some time now, and with my recent downtime, I’ve finally found the right time.

When I managed to wrangle my Atari 2600 out of my home’s Closet Of Forgotten Items, one video game cartridge came out with it. Yes, you guessed right: Strawberry Shortcake: Musical Match-Ups. Since it was the first one out, it became the first one in … the slot of my Atari 2600.

The cartridge lasted all of five minutes in the slot. I didn’t like it … never liked the game. The only persons who played it back then had been my two sisters. I just had a hell of a time laughing my tush off watching Strawberry Shortcake open and close her legs to some tune. Hmmm, that didn’t sound too perverted, did it?

Anyway, here’s a video review of the game from YouTube user maniac1075, a bloke from Down Under. Before you switch channels to watch it, though, I have to warn you that the video contains a lot of swearing to accompany Strawberry Shortcake’s leg-jangling dance. So if you don’t have the stomach for it, I suggest you click this instead and enjoy browsing images of the game.

Post from: EveryJoe

Strawberry Shortcake: Musical Match-Ups, Atari 2600’s worst game?

It’s the eighties. A school friend has an Atari 2600 – already a piece of treasure, a strange lumpy luxury from a time before time. It has that whiff of seventies design that’s still familiar and comforting to us, dodged deep in the brain from when our cortexes were still busy developing. We’ve got no concept of what ‘retro’ is, but we do get a kick of the feel and smell and shape of it and how the blocks on the screen the games are made up out of are so clunky and massive. Already it feels like playing on an antique – we’re used to the BBC Micro or the ZX Spectrum. Most of the games are recognisable, though – Atari Tennis, Atari Combat.

And ET.

ET The Extra-Terrestrial.

We don’t really know what ET is. My friend’s got no copy of the instructions and either can’t remember or won’t tell me how or why it got in the house. This actually gives it a lifespan it doesn’t deserve as we try and puzzle it out, the way the symbols flash at the top of the screen, the mystifying countdown, the falling into pits and then climbing back out, the wierd green splotches. We figure there’s got to be more to it somehow – if only we could figure out what.

It’s his game, and he gets bored first. Doubtless he’s been through it all on his own. Grudgingly, I put it down, still fascinated. Twenty years pass.

Occasionally, in the intervening time, ET is mentioned as being one of the worst games ever. I learn a little of the story behind it – mostly by reading ithe Wiki. The fascination only deepens, despite the bizarre Reese’s-Pieces-for-Alien-Technology handovers. I long to play this game again, now that I have at least some understanding of exactly what was going on, and I long to conquer its secrets once and for all.

Then I see this.

The illusion is shattered. The divine mystery of ET The Extra-Terrestrial: The Video Game is like mist blown from my eyes by a highly-powered industrial fan. ET was rubbish. The voiceover guy does his best to make it seem worthy of inclusion on his How To Win At Home Video Games tape but there is a hollow ring to his narration, for deep in his soul he feels the coiled worm of rubbishness as bitterly as I do.

Once I would have rated ET as THE FIRST GAME TO CREATE AN ILLUSION OF MYSTERY, but now I can no longer honestly do so. YouTube’s ‘tr0d’ and How To Beat Home Video Games – Vol. 2 The Hot New Games (Vestron, 1982) have pulled an entire sheep from my eyes.

ET was THE FIRST RUBBISH GAME.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to weep for my childhood.

NEXT: ELITE. Probably.

Post from: EveryJoe

The History Of Gaming, Part Six: The First Rubbish Game Ever