World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

WWE Championship Match
HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

ECW Championship Match
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Number One Contenders Match
Batista vs. JBL

Women’s Championship Match
Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Rey Mysterio’s Mask is on the line in this match-up
Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE No Mercy Card

JBL pins CM Punk and will fight for the Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam.
Shawn Michaels might quit wrestling to be with his family.

Segment Five
After Layla inexplicably writhes around seductively for a few minutes William Regal rudely interrupts her. Before he can tell us how he’s King Jamie Noble rushes into the ring to attack him and win Layla’s love. Regal is about twice his size. What was the point of that?

Segment Six
The next match is the CM Punk – JBL - Y2J handicap match “(Mike) Adamle Original.” Shouldn’t the World Heavyweight champ be headlining Monday Night RAW? Adamle adds a nice twist to the match by limiting the match to ten minutes. If there’s no pin in ten then the three will fight a Triple Threat at SummerSlam. Anything to make JBL less boring and harder working is fine by me.

After JBL beats Punk up for two minutes Y2J tosses JBL into the stairs and has his own few minutes to thrash the champ. The match has currently gone four minutes without Punk landing one successful attacking move. Y2J hits a flying elbow. Match is half-way through. Punk still hasn’t done anything.

He finally hits two offensive moves but at that point JBL stops his short period of success. Punk has no capitalized on his opponents’ in-fighting. He’s now doing pretty well and is using the two against each other. He catches JBL with a Got To Sleep but can’t get the pin. One minute left and Y2J lands a Walls of Jericho in the middle of the ring.

JBL breaks the move up with 20 seconds left. We’re counting down 10-9-8-7-6-5-4 and JBL flops onto the prone Punk pins him 1-2-3 or is it 3-2-1. This was a great entertaining match but CM Punk has proven to be a pathetic excuse for a champ. He got beat up badly for nine of the ten minutes and was pin by someone who had no idea of where he was.

Segment Seven
It’s a Shawn Michaels interview. He says he’s got severe eye damage, broken ribs, and countless other horrifically lingering injuries. This time he’s going to listen to the doctors and quit if they say quit. We will all know his decision (or the docs’ decision) at SummerSlam. He says he loves his family and might stop wrestling to be with them. Didn’t Brett Favre say something like that a few months ago?

Post from: EveryJoe

8/4/08 RAW Part Two: Shawn Michaels = Brett Favre?

Match Number Eight
Triple H vs. Edge

for the WWE Championship

Triple H Wins

A WWE phone poll says 55% have more sympathy for Edge while 45% side with Vickie. We can’t believe that many people are with Vickie. Really surprising. Another Eve Torres moment…

…

…

Where were we? Edge comes out with nearly as much greasy wet hair as his opponent. The greasy hair gap has been closed. Edge to Edge. The bell rings and Edge rushes at him with the intensity of a woman scorned. Triple H easily eschews his impetuousness and starts the assumed beat down.

The entire front row has turned away from the ring and is waving to the cameras. Tells you something about the excitement level of the match, no?

Edge gains control of the match after slamming HHH into the ringside stairs. He pounces on Triple H outside the ring and slams him into an announcer’s booth. Edge has HHH into a body scissors subsmission hold. We’re hoping somebody appears soon to liven to the match up be it Vickie, The Undertaker, or maybe both.

There’s been some good back and forth but little drama. There we go. Edge hits a nice DDT on HHH outside the ring. Nothing amps up the fun like a near double count out. Edge pushes the de-energized HHH into the ring and goes for the pin. 1-2 and not quite 3.

HHH catapults Edge into the turnbuckle and lands a DDT of his own. No pin though. HHH keeps favoring his ribs. Could he be on hiatus for a baby birth as well?

At this point both men are woozy. HHH eludes a rushing spear and then another countering the last with a Double Edge Spine Buster. He can’t finish him with the Pedigree though. Now Edge is going for a debilitating Superplex. Success. But as Mrs. JandG explains, “That move is stupid, it hurts them both equally.”

Alicia Fox a/k/a The Wedding Planner rushes to the ring and grabs the belt. She’s followed by Vickie Guerrero and those two engage in a heated cat fight. Edge looks to break it up and lands a vicious spear on his wife. Edge is in shock and Triple H capitalizes. He lands a Pedigree and pins Edge. Night over about fifteen minutes early. We wonder, did Triple H hurt his ribs and ask for the match to end? Hard to say.

***

Match Number Seven
John Cena vs. JBL

in a NYC Parking Lot Brawl

JBL Wins

OK, so it’s not exactly a parking lot, it’s more like the bowels of the Nassau Coliseum. JBL is armed with a crowbar and wearing a dress shirt and tie. Thank heavens we don’t have to see his boobies. This match is in no way live.

JBL is searching everywhere for Cena who is in the driver’s seat of of Lincoln which hurtles into the Ford JBL is standing on. Product placement. Cena jumps at JBL armed with jumper cables which he attaches to JBL’s privates and connects to the car’s battery. Electric relaxation!

Cena’s next implement of destruction is a beer keg which he smashes into a car window. JBL escapes to the front seat where Cena slams his head into the wheel numerous times.

JBL lands his first successful move when he slams Cena into a car door which promptly breaks off. Mama JandG says “He should body slam him into the limousine’s bull horns.” My mom has some kind of imagination. She continues, “Cindy Rowe (a Harrisburg-area auto glass repair shop) is going to make out with this match!”

JBL’s attempts to pin Cena are unsuccessful so he grabs a crowbar and begins smashing windows. He puts Cena into the back seat of a Ford and grabs a gasoline container from his limo. He pours the fuel onto the Ford, pops open his zippo, and lights the car on fire. WWE employees immediately appear with fire extinguishers.

Cena jumps out of the car refreshed. He puts JBL in another Ford and hops onto a forklift. He’s carrying the car into the ring! This match is finally going to happen with a live audience. The painful silence is over. Thank heavens. The bout was live after all.

This match has been all flash with little reward. Cena looks up to the clock to make sure he can end it. He hits a five knuckle shuffle but before he hits the STFU JBL tosses him into the car’s windshield which immediately shatters. JBL pins the, um, shattered Cena. This bout was a stupid cartoon imitation of a wrestling match and not nearly as interesting as it might read. May they never fight again. Please. Worst match of the night. Mrs. JandG says “Stink-O-Rama.”

Both fighters look visibly hurt, probably just cuts from the windshield glass.

***

Match Number Six
CM Punk vs. Batista

for the World Heavyweight Championship

Double Disqualification because Kane interferes; Punk retains title.

So you’re telling me that the World Heavyweight Championship gets a lower billing than the Cena-JBL non-title match? Or is that match not happening? And why is Punk coming out first? Isn’t he the title holder? No respect at all.

This match is definitely a make or break match for Punk. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Mama JandG concurs, “If that little guy beats Batista then something’s up.”

Papa JandG says “Punk’s going to win this. I’m telling you.” This is a contentious house. So far the match’s action feels awfully forced and pretty unrealistic. Batista lands a powerful suplex and now has Punk in a Camel Clutch. Batista looks like he is enjoying beating Punk up. Mama JandG is also enjoying the match, “That Batista sure is put together!”

The Animal goes for the Batista Bomb but is too close to the ropes. Punk is on the move now and hits Batista with a kick to the side of the head. 1-2 and not quite 3. The Animal kicks out. Punk almost land another fall after splashing Batista from the top rope. Batista then counters and almost takes the Straight Edge One down.

Batista’s next move is a vicious clothesline and things are getting good now. The action is outside the ring. Batista has Punk hurt and pushes him into the ring for the easy pin but Kane interferes, choke slams Punk, and the ref ends the match with a double DQ.

Kane again mutters “Is he alive or is he dead?” before ruthlessly knocking out a cameraman with a swift boot. He leaves the ring area where Heavyweight Champ Punk is still reeling with a bloody mouth. The Animal re-enters the ring and lands a convincing Batista Bomb. Punk can’t keep the title for much longer. He’s proving to be a boy amongst men.

***

Match Number Five
Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

for the SmackDown Divas Championship

Michelle McCool Wins

How do you follow an epic, bloody match between two veteran hall of famers? That’s right. A WWE Divas match. Natalya has McCool in a really cool looking move called a Surfboard. Mrs. JandG remarks, “That Michelle McCool is awfully flexible.” Um, um, what do you say to that?

Natalya puts McCool into a Sharpshooter but McCool is able to get the the ropes. McCool gets Natalya into a Brazilian heel hook and the Anvil’s daughter taps out far too soon. The wrong person won.

After the match Eve Torres enters the ring dressed in a stunning short yellow dress. But before I can ogle any more Chris Jericho disrupts the night’s most perfect moment by announcing that Shawn Michaels has a detached retina and is done. Hasn’t Y2J received an advance copy of Four Kings? Doesn’t he know that Sugar Ray Leonard fought like a dozen fights with that same injury? Evidently not. This feud is not over.

***

Match Number Four
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Chris Jericho Wins

It’s the match we’ve all been waiting for! So soon in the broadcast? Jericho enters the ring with a very intimidating vest. HBK comes in in all orange and a cowboy hat. Has his eye healed? They stare down as if they’re in love for about 15 seconds. It’s on.

Michaels is already grabbing his ribs as if he is hurt. What a faker! HBK quickly puts Y2J into a figure four leg lock. The match is all about the throwback. Jericho hits a great drop kick off the second rope and then grabs his knee. Mama JandG says “These guys are real complainers.” She continues “Can you imagine how sweaty Shawn is in those leather pants?” No we can’t.

This match is already living up to our expectations. Both competitors have landed a series of terrific moves. The momentum is building at a wonderfully steady pace. Y2J hits a Walls of Jericho but it looks like HBK is going to get to the ropes. He does.

Near fall after HBK nails Y2J with a powerful forearm. He’s now traveled to the top rope. Y2J sprints over to the ropes, shaking HBK’s vitals down onto the turnbuckle. Shawn looks to be turning purple. They’re now grappling from the top of the turnbuckle. HBK kicks him off and hits an elbow to Jericho’s heart. Instead of the pin he amps up the crowd.

Lance Cade tries to interfere but HBK easily disposes of him. There are two neat counters from both wrestlers which almost result in pins. Michaels then does a backflip FROM THE TOP ROPE onto Cade and Jericho who are standing outside of the ring. Wowee zowee.

HBK’s eye has been split open and is bleeding profusely! Jericho sees it and goes on the attack. The spewing blood is making for great drama. The ref wants to stop the match but Michaels is too much of a man.

Y2J headbutts the cut and punches the cut. He’s gleefully inflicting injury. The camera zooms in on HBK’s face and we’re straining to find the gash. HBK is in a bad way. He’s hanging on for dear life grabbing onto the front of Jericho’s trunks. The ref puts an end to the action; Michaels’ eye has been through too much.

The medical staff comes in to help Michaels but curiously they do not wipe the blood off his face or tend to the cut. Great match but I wish they would have let it go on.

***

Match Number Three
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer

for the ECW Championship

Mark Henry Wins

Big big surprises so far. Two title changes in two huge upsets. This pay-per-view has had a terrific start…until now. Mark Henry enters the ring with Tony Atlas. Tommy Dreamer follows with Colin Delaney.

Mr. Jabandgrapple’s mom starts laughing hysterically. “That guy is so big. He’s like a brick wall!” Announcer Tazz announces “Mark Henry is a brick wall.” Eerie. So eerie.

Mama JandG continues “This is so hard to watch. Mark Henry looks like he is breaking his arm. Why isn’t Dreamer screaming in pain? Scream, Dreamer, scream!”

The room breaks into audible Nooooo! as Henry looks to flop onto Dreamer. Tommy eludes him at the last second. Tommy Dreamer seems like he is in control on the top rope. He lets out a Tarzan scream and is going to finish Henry off.

But no! Colin Delaney double crosses his mentor, grabs Dreamer’s arm and the ECW original goes flying into the canvas. Henry pins him easily as Delaney walks off with snarly self satisfaction. We didn’t see that twist coming.

***

Match Number Two
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

for the United States Championship

Shelton Benjamin Wins

This match was not announced! We are pleasantly delighted. This one is for the technical wrestling fans. These two fought a few weeks ago in an underwhelming SmackDown match. Let’s hope this one is an improvement.

There’s been a lot of holds. Hardy has spent most of the time outside the ring and/or in pain. Benjamin continues the punishment. He’s clearly going to lose.

Shelton has Matt in a submission hold and the crowd is chanting for a Hardy resurrection. I yell at Papa Jabandgrapple to “watch the match and stop doing a crossword puzzle!” Mrs. JandG says “This match is painfully boring, you can’t force it on anyone.”

I say, “But what about Benjamin’s terrific kick out of nowhere that just happened and Hardy’s super body slam and resulting leg drop from the top rope?”

“Not enough, but Gold Standard’s catch of Hardy and toss into the turnbuckle was pretty cool.”

Hardy’s had two 2 7/8 near falls and the match is picking up. Hardy goes for a moonsaw and Benjamin catches him in the face with his knees. The Gold Standard then hits a Paydirt and Hardy is out. 1-2-3 pin. New United States Champion.

***

Match Number One
Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Ryder and Hawkins

in a WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way

Ryder and Hawkins Win

This opening match surprises me. I thought Mark Henry would be starting this one off. The bell rings, Festus goes crazy and everyone clears the ring…except Hornswaggle. The little leprechaun flies out of the ring and now The Miz is facing the Of Mice and Men lead character.

Hawkins and Ryder have just made their first entry in the ring on an unintentional tag for Morrison. The fun has just nosedived as the Edgeheads pound and hold.

There are far too many tags for me to keep up with by the way. Morrison does an attractive leap over the top rope to fell Finlay. Miz and Morrison have become a terrific tag team and really deserve this win. Finlay almost pins Ryder but Miz and Morrison break the fall. Ryder then almost pins Finlay but Hornswaggle breaks it up. Will there be a pin tonight?

Indeed there is. Miz and Morrison enter the ring too quickly to break up a Festus pin of Hawkins. Hawkins then pulls Jesse into the ring, pins him, and gains the WWE Tag Team Title. Mrs. Jabandgrapple is disgusted. She says, “I hate when mediocrity is rewarded!” We have to agree.

***

Not even a Pennsylvania summer thunder storm can stop me. www.jabandgrapple.com’s internet coverage was out until 7:56 p.m. but it’s on now! The Great American Bash live blog is about to begin.

Post from: EveryJoe

Great American Bash 2008 Live Blog

Yesterday I made some bold predictions. Let’s see how I did.

PREDICTIONS:

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Most predictors around the world wide web had Umaga winning this one but I wasn’t so sure. I thought the anything goes style favored the quick and unpredictable Hardy rather than the brutish plodding force of Umaga. As it turned out I was right. The match seemed more like a Bam Margera video than a wrestling match and spent very little time in the ring itself. The out-of-shape Umaga must have felt winded running all over the San Diego Sports Arena aisles and parking lot.

I’ve been to the Sports Arena before and know that there’s are restaurants directly across the street including Phil’s BBQ and a Red Lobster. It would have been very easy for Umaga to get distracted. I win here.

Running Score: 1 for 1

***

MATCH #2
Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

how did I do: Even Mrs. Jabandgrapple had this one right. She said “How can any of those little guys beat Big Show? ” I said “Floyd Mayweather, Jr. did at Wrestlemania XXIV.” She laughed and stared back at me as if I was the most gullible idiot in the world.

Let it be known, as soon as I saw Shawn Merriman in the front row I said to her “There’s no way he’s not getting in on this Singapore Cane action tonight.” Why didn’t I live blog that prescient comment? Let’s move on to Match #3.

Running Score: 2 for 2

***

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: I am on an official roll now! Three for three baby. Before the match I had a feeling JBL was going to do some down low dirty stuff and pull this one out but I stayed with my heart and went with the jean-shorted one.

Running Score: 3 for 3

***

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Like the Singapore Cage match before it, the result of this bout was no mystery. Melina can’t get Phoenix to quit wearing those goofy headband/tiaras or the unflattering outfits so how could she be counted on to make her quit a wrestling match? And really she should, Beth is a lot prettier than she looks on the television. Disagree? Check out her WWE Divas page.

Running Score: 4 for 4

***

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: Here’s where it all went wrong. I foolishly went with the spoilers which said Batista was taking some time off. Just proves that the WWE is just as skillful as the KGB and the CIA with skillfully placed disinformation.

Running Score: 4 for 5. There goes the perfect.

***

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Last night didn’t seem like the best time to give Orton back the title considering his request for a few weeks off to be with his expectant wife. HHH is a boring champ but what can you do. Orton’s confirmed broken collarbone should keep him out long enough for him to joyfully welcome his newborn into the world without the distractions of WWE on-the-road travel. Sometimes good things come from bad situations.

Running Score: 5 for 6

***

MATCH #7
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite
how did I do: Absolutely 100% wrong. I didn’t see this coming not one bit. I had read that The Undertaker wanted some time off but was amazed that it happened this way at an Extreme Rules Pay-Per-View. I still can’t see him leaving and it only escalates the La Familia-Undertaker feud which is sadly the best rivalry the WWE has going on at this point.

Running Score: 5 out of 7. Not bad at all.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

My WWE One Night Stand Predictions…The Morning After

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

RESULTS

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Result: Triple H wins with a sledgehammer (yes) hit.
Match Grade: B+. Good match which ended early presumably because of a real injury to Orton. The announcing team is saying a broken collarbone and we have no reason to disagree.

Commentary:
Is this match ever going to start? Finally, after an eternity of intros the bell has rung and HHH gets to work quickly slamming Orton into seemingly everything that surrounds the ring: the gate, the announcer’s table, and of course the steel staircase. So far this match has been very one-sided but Orton brings things closer with a terrific drop kick off the ropes.

His advantage doesn’t last as HHH easily tosses him outside the ring and looks ready to reintroduce Orton to the ECW announcer’s table. It doesn’t happen as Orton painfully DDTs HHH’s face into the ringside floor from on top of the table.

Orton is now lifting the padding from the ringside floor. This is so 1982. Cement exposed but no one is taking advantage of it just yet. They’re back in the ring and Orton begins his predictable stomp-o-rama. Guess what’s in the ring now?

It’s the steel stair steps which Orton lifts over his head and tosses into HHH’s face. Hunter gets up but not before Orton brings an extension cord into the ring! He’s choking the lights out of HHH but just not enough to ensure a submission. Another 8 count. Orton looks to finish him off with an RKO but gets tossed out of the ring and, if he hit the steel stairs, might have hurt himself.

He’s holding his collarbone as if it were broken and it just might be. HHH now has a sledgehammer which he connects with. Orton is done and the medics are out. This injury might be real. As he leaves the ringside Orton snarls at a taunting fan and looks like he’s going to snap. We love him even more.

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Result: Batista wins convincingly.
Match Grade: A-. Really great match between two top-notch professionals. At the end of the match Michaels received a lot of unnecessary punishment and it will be interesting to see what happens between him and Chris Jericho; whether he thanks him for his care and assistance or resents his ridiculous interference.

Commentary:
The spoilers have suggested a winner here. But I won’t do any spoiling myself.

Batista is cleverly utilizing the stretcher to his advantage slamming the HBK into its exposed top. Michaels hit the Animal with a good kick to the head and them dismantles the ring entrance ramp (which is getting a lot of action tonight). HBK then rams Batista with the stretcher. Good thinking Shawn!

Batista lines up the Batista Bomb outside the ring but Michaels is able to get out of it and manages to get the Animal onto the stretcher. Batista seems out and Michaels is nearing the finish line just as the Animal awakes and does some pounding of his own.

I audibly groan as Batista slams HBK’s band into the side of the ring. Batista looks in control and Michaels is reeling. After one shot he seems to do a full 360-degree turn. After a powerful body slam Batista is lining up HBK for the kill but the wily Michaels is able to dodge the juggernaut who tams himself into the ring post.

Michaels is gradually regaining his energy and looks to put his adversary away with a high-flying elbow drop off the top rope. He’s successful but looks to have done some damage to his problematic back.

The Animal has Michaels in what looks to be, heavens no, a Batista Bomb over the top rope. Michaels gets away and Sweet Chin Music’s Batista onto a stretcher. The Animal is out but maintains a grip on the apron. He doesn’t want to lose and rolls himself off the stretcher.

We wonder how many stretchers are at ringside (maybe 5) as Michaels repeatedly rams one into Batista’s stomach. The Animal counters by flipping up the stretcher into Michael’s face. We can’t believe HBK’s lip isn’t bloodied at this point. Batista continues his dominance and is finally able to land a Batista bomb in the center of the ring. Problem is now he has to drag the HBK onto a stretcher. Does Shawn have time to resuscitate? It seems as Chris Jericho intervenes and stops Batista from rolling Michaels out.

As Y2J leaves Batista pulls Michaels into the ring to inflict more punishment. Michaels looks destitute. Heavens to Betsy, another Batista Bomb landed! This has to be it. But Y2J reappears. He’s put himself in between the stretcher and the finish line and is trying to spur Michaels on.

But he seems to be hurting Michaels more than he’s helping him. Batista brings over the steel ring entrance ladder and ruthlessly slams HBK onto it. The Animal lifts Michaels back onto the stretcher and easily wins. Michaels went through a lot of pain in this one.

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Result: Beth Phoenix almost cracks Melina in half and she submits
Match Grade: C-. Just not my cup of tea.

Commentary:
Admittedly I used this women’s match to use the restroom. Now I’m back although I did hear A LOT of screaming from the other room. The Glamazon had Melina in a debilitating back breaker but sadly couldn’t close the deal.

Why must they both scream so much? Please please make them stop. I get it, they’re supposed to be in pain but it’s just so unattractive. Phoenix lands an impressive front face body slam and now has Melina in a hold that really shows off her flexibility. Melina can’t maintain the Phoenix-enforced yoga pose and submits.

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

Result: Cena wins after JBL spits up some “blood”
Match Grade: C. Boring, long, and anti-climatic. Not as bad as their Judgment Day fight but not much better. Let’s hope these two never ever fight again. The fun was a lot too sporadic for my tastes.

Commentary:
We’ve already had blood so we’re about to go 2 for 3 tonight in plasmability. Cena’s already dismantles a turnbuckle. Now they start swinging in the middle of the ring. Knuck if you buck indeed.

They’ve been scrapping outside the ring for a while and this one so far is about as boring as their Judgment Day bout. These two don’t bring out the best in one another. Methinks JBL has a blade in his extra thick knuckle tape tonight.

There’s a whole lot of punching and not a lot of wrestling. JBL Brings out a metal chair and lines up Cena head against the ring post. Luckily John eludes the crushing blow. JBL now has a WWE microphone with which to open up a cut. I think there’s some irony there given JBL’s propensity to talk and talk and talk.

JBL now has the steel ring entrance stairs. Are they going to cause another cut? Not likely. JBL’s not as strong as the Big Show and can’t bear to carry it any further. Cena’s got the mic now but can’t manage to make JBL bleed. His next effort is to rub Bradshaw’s face back and forth against the steel which is quite silly given the steel’s sharp edges. Oh well.

Next up for blood exposure potential is the exposed turnbuckle. Cena hits it heard but his skin is impervious. JBL now has a thick powerful chain and the end timer on this match is thankfully near. Cena gets hit in the stomach with the chain and JR aptly wonders if John has some internal bleeding. How would the ref ever know?

Now Cena’s tied up in the ropes and in some serious danger. JBL’s got an Indiana Jones bullwhip. Uh oh. One crack of that and its over. Cena gets out of the ropes, grabs the chain and proceeds to choke JBL assassin style. Bradshaw spits up some blood and it’s over. That was obviously a blood capsule and sort of a let down given last match’s Type O gushing.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

Here they are. Let’s see how I do:

PREDICTIONS:
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite

Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE One Night Stand Predictions: The Morning Before

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

The Setup
Batista sure cleans up well. He’s decked out in a pitch black pinstripe suit with a black tie and sun glasses that seem to have a gargoyle on their sides. Versaces, of course. He wants forgiveness from the people because he wants to “hurt Shawn Michaels“. It’s OK Animal, we understand.

Vickie Guerrero, however, doesn’t understand. She’s being wheeled out by the interchangeable Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins and she warns Batista not to look past Michaels and to the Heavyweight championship because he might not even be inSmackDown (in the future). The 2008 Draft and all. Vickie, who is showing a great deal of cleavage, is being rained on by a chorus of “You Suck” catcalls. She is not loved in Colorado Springs.

This protracted segment ends with Vickie setting up a match with Zach and Curt vs. Batista and any friend he can find backstage. Who will come to the Animal’s defense?

Segment Grade: D This is certainly not an exciting beginning. A Main Event that includes a pair known for being an entourage doesn’t exactly get our blood started.

Match One
Matt Hardy def. Elijah Burke
How can Jeff Hardy be so exciting and his brother Matt so boring? After a turgid seven minutes Hardy hits Burke with a Twist of Fate and a quick pin. What was the most interesting thing about the match? The FCC crawl informing us that the switch from analog to digital is coming soon. Matt certainly looks to be going through the motions.

Segment Grade: D

Post-Match Nonsense
After the match, pint-sized Jamie Noble comes to save the stunning WWE Diva Eve Torres from having to interview the self-obsessed M.V.P. any longer. There are two problems, however, with his intervention: 1) Eve sneaks off the set when they’re arguing and 2) We are going to have to watch this mismatch. Ughh.

Post from: EveryJoe

SmackDown 5/30 Part One: The Yawns Begin

Image details: Close-up of a businessman crying served by picapp.com

Match Four
Mr. Kennedy def. Carlito

Kennedy’s predictable defeat Carlito comes quickly with a well-executed Mic Check. Then the fun starts. Paul Burchill and his lovely “sister” Katie Lea sneak attack Kennedy and beat him senseless for ejecting their countryman William Regal from the WWE. The Denver crowd erupts into a spontaneous U.S.A. U.S.A. chant.

Segment Grade: D

Match Five
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Tonight’s main event is a rematch of Judgment Day’s best bout. These two professionals are two of the WWE’s best and their match is bound to be terrific. They quickly get to work with some acrobatic counters. Spit flies as Y2J hits HBK with a well placed elbow. But Jericho isn’t able to capitalize as he misses out on a high risk leap and lands splat outside the ring in front of the announcing booth. Maybe he’ll take the mic and give us the announcement. No such luck. More commercials.

When we return Michaels hits a good backslide and nearly pins Y2J but Jericho quickly counters by climbing the ladder and hitting a neat kick to the head. He’s in control now but is unable to land the bulldog on Michaels. and is languishing on the ropes. There’s just too much good action: flips off the ropes, submission hold attempts, more jumps off the ropes, and cradles. Michaels then goes for the sweet chin music but is countered with a Walls of Jericho. Great great match! HBK is able to get to the rope and stop the pain but Jericho is still in control.

The match moves outside of the ring where Y2J hits another Walls of Jericho. The 10-second count comes and their both DQ’d. Y2J goes for another Walls but the ref breaks it up. Y2J then seems to snap. He picks up a folding chair and is going after the ref. But wait. Something clicks and he looks at HBK with pity, understanding, and empathy. He soundlessly apologizes, looks to be near tears, and walks out of the ring.

Segment Grade: A-. Only because it could have gone longer and Y2J’s emotional breakdown wasn’t explained. We eagerly await that one.

Post from: EveryJoe

Memorial Day Monday Night Raw: Main Event First, Then The Announcement

Image details: 2007 American Music Awards – Show served by picapp.com

Match Three Prelims
Before we get to Match Three we get a repulsively bad Jimmy Kimmel – Cousin Sal – Roddy Piper skit. One wrestling site (I’m forgetting which one) called this Cousin Sal – Santino Marella bout the worst D-Level celebrity attraction in wrestling since Herb from Burger King appeared at Wrestlemania 2. We couldn’t agree more.

Segment Grade: F

Match Three
Umaga and JBL def. John Cena and Jeff Hardy vs.

Here’s the match we’ve been excited about since, well, forever. John Cena and Jeff Hardy are our favorite two good guy wrestlers currently in the WWE. Mrs. Jabandgrapple has an admitted crush on Mr. Cena and Mr. Jabandgrapple thinks Jeff Hardy is too exciting for words and is so happy he’s doing well after his suspension and house fire. We also really hate JBL. Umaga never really crosses our mind.

Cena goes for an early STFU on Umaga. Bad decision. Hasn’t he ever played Pro Wrestling on Nintendo? You can’t do the Brain Buster on the Giant Panther until he’s ready. Of course Cena’s played the game; it’s on his You Can’t See Me T-Shirt. He and Umaga trade some punsihment while we’re at commercial. When we return Cena tags Hardy.

Hardy proceeds to get pummeled by JBL and placed in an unorthodox abdonin-stretching submission hold. JBL does a whole lot more unimaginative vicious stuff (punch, kick, stomp) to Hardy. Jeff counters with an impressive Whisper in the Wind off the top rope but doesn’t have the energy to pin the Fox News commentator. Instead he pins Cena who hits a clothesline and a super duper Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Before Cena can pin JBL Umaga rushes in and knocks John into Hardy. Hardy is excited and goes for a Swanton Bomb. He misses and JBL promptly lariats him into submission. One-Two-Three pin because of the clothesline from hell. This isn’t the ending we wanted to see. Why can’t the Ultimate Risk Taker be rewarded? What does he need to do?

After the match we cut to Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. He tells the HBK that by the end of the night even he will be surprised at McMahon magnanimity. Tell us now! We need instant gratification! What good could Vince possibly do?

Segment Grade: B

Post from: EveryJoe

Memorial Day Monday Night Raw: Still No Announcement

Last night’s WWE Judgment Day PPV turned out a lot like this year’s NBA Playoffs thus far: no upsets, modest levels of excitement, good performances by workmanlike professionals, but ultimately a lackluster show. No titles changed, no blood, and no can’t-miss moments. Although the Y2J - Shawn Michaels match came close.

In fact, if you had looked at the WWE’s own pre-Judgment Day Power 25 rankings you would have known the winner in all four planned singles matches. All the top seeds won.

#1 Triple H defeated #4 Randy Orton
#2 The Undertaker defeated #7 Edge
#3 Shawn Michaels defeated #9 Chris Jericho and
#13 John Cena defeated unranked JBL

In the other singles match Jeff Hardy hadn’t yet been ranked in the Power 25 post suspension. If he had been ranked he definitely would have charted higher than the long-sleeved unitarded stiff MVP. Hardy’s win was no surprise.

Neither were the results from the other two matches where the reigning belt holders – Miz and Morrison and Mickie James – both retained their titles.

So was the $39.95 PPV price tag for Sunday’s event worth it? Considering the WWE storyline, belt holders, and plot are at pretty much the same place they were on Friday I would say no.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Judgment Day 2008 Final Judgment