Post from: EveryJoe

Mick Foley On TNA Impact, Wrestlemania Special Tonight On MyNetwork TV

Undertaker reaggravated his knee injury in a dark match against the Big Show at last night’s Smackdown tapings in Columbus, OH. Zach Ryder, Curt Hawkins, and Bam Neely attacked him, and after chasing them out the ring, he posed for the crowd and walk around. Before heading backstage, he took a seat on the ring steps and appeared exhausted. He was seen limping up the ramp according to a fan report.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an angle soon for him to get surgery or time off to nurse his injury. It’s amazing after all these years, how big of a draw The Undertaker still is. To read the rest, go to Prowrestling.com.

Image used with permission from Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Undertaker’s Knee Not Getting Any Better

The Big Show def. Domino
Edge and Mick Foley talk about desire and the future

1. Big Show makes short work of Domino. Umaga comes out. I yell “Welcome home to Pennsy Umaga…now go back to Allentown!” My genealogical accuracy might be off but my endurance is beginning to wane. We’ve been here since 7:00 p.m. and it’s now almost 11:00 p.m. I’m a lot more tired than I expected.

2. Let’s just say Edge’s introspection is compelling as is his drawn out dialouge with Mick Foley. But we wanted a main event! We wanted wrestling! And if not we wanted to see the Undertaker. That’s why we chanted “UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap.” We wanted to see the Undead Superstar more than we wanted to see Edge’s angst. Heck, we would have even settled for Paul Bearer. It didn’t happen.

I’m not saying Mick Foley wasn’t great. He was. But the entire Hershey, Pa. Giant Center crowd left disappointed. We did too.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/1/08 WWE SmackDown: We Were There Again Part Three

MVP def. Jimmy Wang Yang
Mr. Kennedy def. Shelton Benjamin

Yes, it wasn’t just Tuesday night’s ECW event that we attended. The good people from the WWE also filmed SmackDown three nights ago in Hershey, Pennsylania. And we were there. Here are more of Mr. and Mrs. Jabandgrapple’s live and in real time musings.

1. Jimmy Wang Yang’s entrance music comes on before the show has even started. What is going on? Is he going to wrestle Mick Foley or Jim Ross?

2. SmackDown starts are Jeff Hardy appears. The Ultimate Risk Taker is even more dynamic in person. We love you Jeff Hardy His theme music comes on and we everybody in the Giant Center goes craaaaaaazy. Is he wrestling Wang Yang?

3. The WWE tech people work frantically to assemble MVP’s entrance tunnel, which isn’t that impressive anyway. Is he wrestling Wang Yang AND Jeff Hardy?

4. MVP keeps insulting Jeff Hardy and at this point Mrs. JandG throws some vulgar expletives down towards ringside. After watching the broadcast we’re thankful the WWE’s mics didn’t pick up those choice words.

5. It’s finally evident that MVP is the one fighting Wang Yang. He makes short work of him and we’re waiting for the fireworks between him and Hardy. Let it also be known that the indoor fireworks that accompany your favorite wrestler are FAR louder than they appear in person. Our hearing is still recovering.

6. The biggest cheer of the night comes when Jeff tells MVP to NEVER EVER EVER talk about the fire, about his home, or about his dog Jack. Jeff then hits a choice Twist of Fate and announces YOU MAKE ME SICK! We jump up out of our seats and yell at the top of our lungs, “YEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH” We both actually just repeated that yell right now!

7. Mr. Kennedy says we’re waiting for him to say three words. We wonder what the third word is. Is it Mister Mister Kennedy? or Mister Kennedy Kennedy?

8. Mick Foley admits on air that he listened to Tori Amos to get hyped up for matches. Let’s just say that suspect choice of songs explains a lot about what happens at the end of tonight’s SmackDown…

9. While we watched the Mr. Kennedy vs. Shelton Benjamin match I said “This is the type of technical, highly skilled grappling that true wrestling fans love. So pay attention. It will be a lot more exciting on TV.” (And I was right!) Still, the Mrs. yawned wondering “Well then, why don’t these two don’t involve the crowd more?” I gotta agree.

10. Mrs. JandG labels this contest “The Clairol Match” because both competitors ridiculous sport a amount of hair dye. Shelton’s roots are far less visible making him the pejorative favorite.

11. Benjamin hits a great cross body leap of the top rope but it’s not enough. Mr. Kennedy lands a Mic Check with puts the United States champion out for the count. Sadly, it’s a non-title match and his victory in the best match of the night means nothing.

12. Post match, the astoundingly beautiful Eve Torres approaches the ring. At the quietest moment of the night I yell “I LOVE YOU EVE TORRES” at my lungs’ peak. It doesn’t make it onto air.

13. We’re really impressed by how dexterous and fast Eve moves back to the dressing room in her ridiculously high heels. (5 inches?) BTW, her quickness had nothing to do with my professed love. Just saying.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/1/08 WWE SmackDown: We Were There Again Part One

That’s right. Mr. and Mrs. Jabandgrapple attended the mega-spectacular show last night and it was just as amazing and fun and we could have imagined. The action began at 7:30 p.m. and didn’t stop until a little after 11:00 p.m. It was exhausting…and we weren’t even wrestling!

We’re not going to tell you who wrestled and who won on SmackDown. No spoilers here. Will tell a short story instead. When we entered the parking lot the cashier asked us “You here for the wrestling?” “Um, yeah,” we answered. “So are you Triple H or Undertaker fans?” Mr. JandG roared back “Taker, of course! Let’s hope he shows up tonight!” Alas, he didn’t. And neither did Triple H. So that was a little disappointing but we got over it.

Which matches won’t you see at home? There were only two. In the ECW Dark Match that opened the show perennial loser Funaki squared off against Nic Nemeth. Funaki got lots of love from the crowd and in return he was gracious and thankful. The match consisted of many awkward stops and bows, lots of toss slams, and, and… I’ll admit it was hard to concentrate on the match given Nemeth’s ridiculous hair cut. It looked like a black cat had adhered itself to the back of his blonde head. As the match progressed the the cat reproduction got mussed around and seemed to move.

Funaki actually won this match and sprinted out of the ring in pure ecstasy. After Nemeth’s loss he was heartlessly booed and taunted. We think it was because of the hair.

The other Dark Match ended the night’s festivities and it really wasn’t much of a match at all. After Edge’s climactic final SmackDown scene (which involved tables, ladders, and chairs!) he was forced back out to the ring by an angry and vengeful Vickie Guerrero. This was her only appearance of the night and I don’t think she’ll even be on Friday’s show.

Vickie told him that he had to fight a no-DQ match against The Big Show. That sounded great to us but clearly not to Edge. Big Show did some of his in-ring slappiness on Edge’s sternum and then the Rated R Superstar sprinted back to the entrance area and left. Big Show chased him down and brought him back but Edge ran away again. This time for good. Big Show stayed, signed some autographs, hugged some kids, and was his typical cuddly self.

Post from: EveryJoe

We Were There! Hershey, Pa. ECW and SmackDown Taping

Michelle McCool def. Maryse
Brian Kendrick def. Shannon Moore
Edge and Vickie Guerrero ostensibly apologize

Segment Six
Michelle McCool is making her first defense of her Divas Title against French Canadian beauty Maryse. Maryse’s outfits get progressively provocative each week. I am not complaining.

When JR announces her name it sounds like “Maurice” and I think of an very old and very bald male Harrisburg restaurateur who is now probably deceased. Major turnoff. Then Mick Foley calls her a nasty, naughty girl and all bad images are forgotten. Before we get any more illicit zoomed images of Maryse skimpy black vinyl outfit she is caught by a debilitating Brazilian heel hook and taps out.

McCool’s first title defense is successful.

Segment Seven
Vickie is back in her wheelchair. More importantly, she has a new hairdo. OK, it’s not that important, her new straightened hair is not going to make her good looking. Not even Michael Jackson-level surgery could do that. Vickie has heard rumors about the previously mentioned Edge/Alicia Fox conversation and asks Bam Neely and Chavo Guerrero what has been said. Thankfully the two man up and admit nothing. Word, bro(s).

Edge now says he want to apologize to Vickie. We will see.

Brian Kendrick in his new Leonardo DiCaprio-inspired persona (no, really) makes his way to the ring and Mrs. Jabandgrapple audibly gasps, “What (in the world) is that? Isn’t that the jacket from the Bad video?”

Yes. That’s a second Michael Jackson reference in less than 20 minutes. But she is right. Kendrick’s jacket is the most ridiculous thing known to man. One lapel is faux-tiger skin, the other fake jewel studs. The jacket’s back is ripped with three razor gashes as if it were in a battle with Wolverine.

Kendrick pins jobber Shannon Moore with ease. I’ll be the first to say that Kendrick’s relationship with his bodyguard Ezekiel is a little bit weird to me. Just saying.

After the match Vickie, Chavo and Bam discuss Edge’s apology. Vickie doesn’t seem to be that understanding. It is so on.

Segment Eight
Edge saunters down to the ring with his cocky Canadian confidence. He wants his wedding cake and he wants to eat the wedding planner too. Is he really going to apologize. As Vickie is being wheeled to the ring by Chavo a few scattered Philadelphians yell “You suck!”

Mrs. Jabandgrapple wonders, “If she’s such a cripple then why is she wearing stiletto heels?” And you thought the cake comment went too far.

Edge looks his wife in the eye and goes down on his knee to apologize. He tells her that what he’s done is horrible and understands if she can’t forgive him. He says the video didn’t show how many times he tried to say no. Mr. Jabandgrapple hears you dog. He’s been in that situation too much to even mention. Oh, regret. Oh, regret.

Edge echoes Badfinger when he says “I can’t live if living is without you” but Vickie isn’t sympathetic. She’s no Harry Nilsson. Instead she counters with, “Well guess what Mr. Edge. I reinstated the Undertaker. Sorry.”

The crowd erupts. Standing ovation. Spontaneous combustion. Live births. Loving chants. UN-der-TAK-er clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-re clap clap clap-clap-clap.

Edge makes some lame honeymoon proposal. Vickie says “Too bad, so sad. I have a SummerSlam opponent already set for Taker. And it’s you Edge. In a Hell in a Cell Match.” Vickie cackles, Edge cowers, we congratulate. That is a match we want to see.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/25 WWE SmackDown Part Three: The Undertaker Is Back!

Vladimir Kozlov def. Stevie Richards
The Great Khali wins a Battle Royale against Mr. Kennedy, M.V.P., Umaga, Jeff Hardy, and Big Show

Segment Four
Edge is trying to keep things going with Alicia Fox a/k/a the Wedding Planner. But Chavo Guerrero’s bodyguard Bam Neely is lurking in the corridor listening to their conversation. He’s not going to snitch on another man, is he? No self-respecting man would ever do that but Neely does. So sad.

Stevie Richards comes out to be the next Vladimir Kozlov’s latest cannon fodder. When will Kozlov fight someone good? When will he ever get a pay-per-view gig? How many times must we watch him destroy his opponent. To be fair, Richards actually looks good until Kozlov hits a head butt to the sternum and knocks out the poor Philadelphia native. WWE bookers, please give Kozlov a feud. His domination has gone on long enough.

Segment Five
The Main Event has come early. It’s a Battle Royale with the winner to face HHH at SummerSlam. The competitors: Mr. Kennedy, the Great Khali, Umaga, Jeff Hardy, M.V.P., and Big Show. Regardless of the winner we are going to see someone new against HHH at SummerSlam. That’s a very good thing.

I want to see Mr. Kennedy win but I don’t see him emerging from a Battle Royale. Mrs. Jabandgrapple is pulling for Jeff Hardy…duh. But we both find it hard to see how Big Show could lose a Battle Royale.

Hardy’s early focus is, understandably, on M.V.P. He knocks the Anti-Dog Whisperer out of the ring with a terrific clothesline. Good riddance M.V.P. Umaga tosses Hardy out but Jeff somehow is able to grab the top rope and stay inside. Umaga doesn’t notice as he moves onto Big Show. The World’s Biggest Athlete then flips the Samoan Bulldozer out of the ring. He follows it up with a successful dismissal of Mr. Kennedy. My pick is gone. So sad.

Now there are three left: Show, Khali, and Hardy. Hardy next move is a jump off the top rope onto Big Show. Show catches him and the high flying superstar looks to be in trouble. But against all odds he finds a way to flip Show out. He continues to capitalize on his momentum and hits a Swanton Bomb on Khali.

But it’s not to be. Khali flips Hardy over the top rope and SummerSlam just got a lot less interesting.

After the match HHH enters the stage and stares down his future opponent. They stare and stare and stare and stare and stare. Considering Khali can’t actually move we think that’s an apt preview for SummerSlam. Yaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/25 WWE SmackDown Part Two: Big Bad Battle Royale With Bad Bad Bad Ending

M.V.P. holds a V.I.P. Lounge with Jeff Hardy.
Shelton Benjamin def. Jimmy Wang Yang
Jesse and Festus def. Ryder and Hawkins

Segment One
M.V.P. is tired. His V.I.P. Lounge is even tired-er. His guest, on the other hand, is the best-est of the best: Jeff Hardy! The Ultimate Thrill Seeker seems to be taking some chances with his hair color which has shifted to a grandmother-worthy blue. M.V.P. announces the night’s Main Event: a huge Battle Royale with seemingly every SmackDown superstar.

Jeff Hardy wonders how M.V.P. can be so confident despite the fact that he’s become a jobber. M.V.P. then insults Jeff Hardy’s house fire which REALLY REALLY crosses the line. If he mentions Jeff’s late dog then I am going to hunt M.V.P. down. Oh, no he didn’t! He did mention Jeff’s dog Jack. I am stopping this live blog now and going to the Harrisburg train station to get a ticket to Philadelphia’s Wachovia Center.

What’s that Mrs. Jabandgrapple? “They filmed this show on Tuesday, M.V.P. is long gone.” I retort, “But we have tickets to this Tuesday’s ECW/Smackdown taping in Hershey. I’ll get him then!” She counters, “Sure you will honey, sure you will.”

Hardy beats me to the punch and hits M.V.P. himself. This segment was far too personal and ire-inducing for my taste. MY BLOOD IS BOILING! ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH.

Then a Gossip Girl preview comes on and my anger dies down. I love that show. My accompanying picture? It’s Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively and a dog, in loving memory of Jeff Hardy’s Jack.

Segment Two
When Mr. Jabandgrapple’s personal favorite Shelton Benjamin earned the U.S. Champion belt he wasn’t interested in him fighting people like Jimmy Yang Wang, the redneck Asian. Benjamin pins Wang Yang before I can life my head from my computer.

After the match Edge attempts to congratulate Hawkins and Ryder on their Tag Team Title but the Edgeheads ignore and ostracize their former idol. It’s all too sad for words. What did Edge do to deserve this? Mrs. Jabandgrapple offers, “Well, he cheated on his bride with the wedding planner and then violently Speared her on their wedding night. And not in a good way.”

Oh. I stand corrected.

Segment Three
New Tag Team Champs Ryder and Hawkins prove that unless you’re wrestling singles in the WWE than your title means nothing. This ain’t TNA Impact! thank heavens. The Edgeheads are facing Jesse and Festus or rather one insane and powerful wrestler and his diminutive handler. We really miss you Road Warriors and Wild Samoans.

Festus easily pins Zach Ryder but doesn’t gain the belt because it’s not a title matchup. The bell rings, Mick Foley makes an Anita Ward reference (great great song; the youngsters might know it as a Fresh Prince sample), and Ryder and Hawkins predictably beat up on the poor simpleton Festus.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/25 WWE SmackDown Part One: Ring My Bell Blake Lively

Jesse and Festus def. Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins
Vladimir Kozlov def. Stevie Richards
La Familia argues
Edge and Big Show match ended prematurely

Image details: Gay Marriages Begin In Bay Area served by picapp.com

Segment Nine:
Who is more dastardly then Ryder and Hawkins? No one. They do Vickie Guerrero’s evil bidding, they’re extremely cowardly, and in this match they get themselves counted out on purpose. Why would they do that? So they end-of-the-match bell rings and Festus returns to his catatonic state. How craven? How horrible? How mean?

Their stupid tactic backfires when Jesse re-rings the bell and Festus goes crazy again. Jesse and Festus’ Of Mice and Men redux is already tired in my book. And I can’t get their Biscuits and Gravy theme song out of my mind. ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Segment Ten:
Is Stevie Richards a step-up in competition for Vladimir Kozlov? I guess. Kozlov puts Richards in a body scissors and the Russian appears to be twice as big as his Philadelphia opponent. Stevie attempts a few falls (which fail) before Kozlov puts him down with a headbutt.

Segment Eleven:
Trouble in paradise. Thankfully the boring wrestling ends and we’re back to the soap opera plot. Did I just say that? Anyway, Ryder, Hawkins, Chavo Guerrero, Edge, and Bam Neely are together and arguing.

Edge says Chavo was throwing him under the bus when talking to Vickie (TRUE). Hawkins tells Chavo he doesn’t contribute (FALSE). Edge wants ringside support from his boys. They’re not really having it. Some friends! Vickie wheels herself in and threatens axeing if A) anyone joins Edge at ringside or B) if Edge doesn’t fight Big Show.

Remind me never to get into a relationship with Vickie Guerrero. She tells Edge to take his beating like a man if, in fact, he is a man. Whoa!

Segment Twelve:
Big Show comes into the ring and we’ve got twenty minutes for a non-DQ match. Yes! Big Show introduces himself to Edge with a big slap to Edge’s chest and then proceeds to beat him senselessly outside the ring. Edge spears Big Show and they’re both down outside the ring. Vickie is sitting in the introduction area peering in with soulless conniving before wheeling down to the ringside area. Does this mean that she will fire herself?

While we were gone at commercial a kendo stick has appeared. Edge uses it on Big Show but it doesn’t work. Big Show dismantles the stairs, does some slapping and tosses Edge into the ringside crowd. Edge counters with a flying leap which fells the giant.

SYMBOLISM ALERT. Edge grabs the kendo stick and the camera angle shows the six-foot stick protruding from his midsection. The formerly-emasculated male figure now has power.

The action move back into the ring where Edge hops on Big Show’s back putting him into a sleeper hold. But the sleep doesn’t set in. Big Show does some slapping and headbutting but Edge counters Big Show’s chokeslam with a partially-realized DDT. Edge gains advantage with a kick to the crotch and a steel chair to the head. It looks like more chair damage but Big Show magically revives and chokeslams the Rated R Superstar.

It’s close to over now. A prone Edge is nearing a painful steel chair-induced hurting.

But but but but wait! Vickie Guerrero stops the match and hugs her former fiance. She feels pity for the poor guy as she strokes her hand through his luscious long blond hair. The crowd is raining vitriol on the star-crossed couple.

Vickie and Edge are now staring lovingly into each others eyes. Vickie tells him she loves him and that she’s sorry. Edge loves her too and wants her to marry him. She joyfully accepts and they exchange a gooey, rabid kiss. All this is done silenty and without microphone amplification. The only noise is the cascade of crowd dissatisfaction. We assume that the wedding is on for next week.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part Three: The Wedding Is Back On

Finlay and Hornswaggle def. The Miz and Morrison
Triple H def. Chavo Guerrero
Natalya and Maryse def. Michelle McCool and Cherry

Image details: Flavio Briatore And Elisabetta Gregoraci Wedding Ceremony served by picapp.com

Segment Six:
Will Finlay and Hornswaggle ever stop fighting The Miz and Morrison? Aren’t all four now in ECW? Mick and JR discuss Hornswaggle drinking a Guinness and I’m thinking about ending this live blog early and heading down to my local Irish Bar establishment.

Finlay lands a terrific Celtic Cross on Morrison but The Miz breaks it up. While the ref is tsk-tsking Morrison and telling him to leave the ring Finlay hits The Miz with the shillelagh knocking him out cold. Hornswaggle tags in and flops off the top rope and onto the Real World rebel pinning him one-two-three. Does this mean we’re going to have to see these four fight yet again? We’re afraid so.

***

Hold up. A local commercial for the July 29 ECW/SmackDown event in Hershey, PA says the Main Event is Triple H vs. Edge for the WWE Championship. We…are…so…there.

***
Segment Seven:
Bam Neely stares down HHH and looks like a much more impressive opponent than Chavo. In due time. In due time. Notably, Charles Robinson is back in the ring reffing the match. Apparently his Great Khali-induced head trauma wasn’t so bad after all.

Chavo is doing his best but this match is a heavyweight versus a cruiserweight. HHH hits a Spine Buster, punches Bam Neely, and follows with a Pedigree. Chavo is done. Vickie is some kind of kin. The crowd seems to love The Game. What are we missing? Speaking of cruiserweights, it’s now 9:00 p.m. and we’re about to begin the difficult dance of flipping between boxing and pro wrestling. A personal favorite, Tomasz Adamek, is fighting tonight and we have double duty.

Image details: WWE Smackdown – Sydney served by picapp.com

Segment Eight:
Michelle McCool is so pretty, Cherry not so much. Neither are a match for third generation wrestler Natalya who makes Cherry tapout with a neat sharpshooter and after the match destroys Michelle with a quick snap suplex. During the match Natalya’s partner Maryse just sort of stood around. Let it be known Maryse standing around is fine with me. Jeez Louise she’s something else.

Natalya is a good wrestler and we’d love to see her fight Beth Phoenix. If she doesn’t win the SmackDown women’s title at The Great American Bash then justice hasn’t been served.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part Two: Still No Wedding News