Maybe someone should ask John Madden? Or at least Frank Caliendo doing John Madden?

Anyway, Frank Coffey and his Goodfellas at eTrueSports did their usual digging for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and here’s what they came up with the other day on the Favre front.

Top Eleven Messages on Brett Favre’s Cell

11.  “This is Brad, call me back on a pay phone.”

10.  “You kidding? Minneapolis is much warmer!”

9.    “Go west on I-94 to Cedar, take a left and a quarter mile down there’s a diner … “

8.   “No, Jesse Ventura is not the governor anymore and, no, you won’t have to shake his hand.”

7.   “Okay, okay, we’ll set the thermostat to 78.”

6.   “You’ll never have to see some dope wearing cheese on his head again. It’s illegal in Minnesota. Really.”

5.   “Tell Deena the schools are great.”

4.    ”Brett, this is Coach McCarthy, please call me back.”

3.   “The Twin cities is really a misnomer, you won’t ever have to set foot in St. Paul.”

2.   “Just deny everything, they can’t prove nuthin.’”

1.   “You can run around as much as you want, we hate set plays!”

Post from: EveryJoe

Brett Favre’s Cell Phone Messages

And you know how the Boston Herald and wannabe hack sports writer John Tomase got a mouthful of foot when they fessed up to some storytelling?

And you know how that was two weeks ago?

Yeah, well, here’s proof that New England fans neither forgive nor forget very quickly (if at all). There are still calls for Tomase’s head on a platter.

Check out the comments section in each of these two articles in the Boston Herald, one on the Boston Celtics’ Ray Allen, the other on Pats player David Thomas.

Notice how the comments section in each article has been hijacked by the anti-Tomase crowd. Thanks to reader and anti-Tomaseite Bacchus for monitoring said comment sections and providing oh, let’s call them ”frequent,” updates about them.

Meet New England’s new punching bag. Now that we’ve forgiven Bill Buckner, somebody had to fill those shoes.

Post from: EveryJoe

Not That Patriots Fans Hold a Grudge or Anything . . .

Walsh turned over videotapes last week but the much-anticipated footage of the pre-Super Bowl XXXVI walkthrough of the St. Louis Rams‘ practice was not among them. Expect Walsh to be grilled all the same.

If we were asking Matt Walsh questions, here’s what they would be:

1  Is it true that you accidentally recorded Dancing With the Stars (when Mario left) over the all-important pre-Super Bowl XXXVI walkthrough tape? Or was it Britney Spears’ first cameo on How I Met Your Mother that ruined the evidence?

2  How’s your golf pro business doing since “Matt Walsh” went from total obscurity to household name (among NFL fans)? Has the publicity been good?

3  How much did you bet on the New York Giants in the Super Bowl this year? Did you lock in the odds on the Giants just before the story broke on February 2, the day before the Super Bowl?

4 How deep inside Senator Arlen Specter’s pocket are you? Did he promise you season tickets to the Philadelphia Eagles?

5  Bridget Monyahan or Gisele Bundchen?

Bridget Moynahan seems to be indicating the length of something here . . .

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady laughing, possibly even about Bridget Moynahan and how she’s changing diapers while they’re out on the town.

Images: Used courtesy of www.splashnewsonline.com

Post from: EveryJoe

5 (Or So) Questions We’d Ask Matt Walsh

Somebody please send that in a memo to the St. Louis Rams before they’re laughed out of the NFL. The Rams, who lost the game 20-17, have filed a $100M class action lawsuit against the team and Coach Bill Belichick. On what grounds? Per ESPN:

The suit says: “The basis of this action is that the Defendants illegally videotaped the St. Louis Rams (”Rams”) “walk through” prior to the 2002 Super Bowl for the purpose of gaining an unfair advantage in the game.” It claims the Patriots were engaged in fraud, racketeering, breach of contract, and were in violation of Louisiana’s unfair trade practices and consumer protection act.

This is so ridiculous there’s a plot line for another Dumb and Dumber sequel in there, we can feel it. Do you think the Rams would be suing the Pats if they actually won the Super Bowl that year?

Translation: We want $100M for these Sour Grapes we’ve been chewing for six years.

The Rams are now part of the Superfluous Lawsuits Against the Patriots club, founded by a Jets fan who sued them for “deceiving customers” following “Spygate.”

Post from: EveryJoe

The Rams’ Class(less) Action Lawsuit

1. Davean George to his Dallas Mavericks teammates

You guys mean SO much to me, I don’t even know where to begin. I know you had your heart set on Jason Kidd, but can’t you see that I belong here, not him? I’ve never felt this way about any other team. I want each and every one of you to be my Valentine. Come on, group hug!

2. Andy Pettitte to Roger Clemens

We’ve been through a lot together, bro. You’re probably a little upset with me for tattling on you to Congress, so please accept these Godiva truffles. Remember, a wise man once said, “Life is life a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.” My love to Debbie.   

3. Eli Manning to Tom Brady

I never thought I’d pour out my heart to another quarterback, but . . . I love you, man. The way you and your team choked like that at the Super Bowl so I could get my first ring . . . I don’t know, Peyton and I underestimated your generosity. You rock.

4. Tom Coughlin to Bill Belichick

You make me feel special, Bill. Before you came along I was just another surly coach about to get a pink slip. But when I figured out that the media trashes you even more than they do me, it was love at first sight. That whole losing the Super Bowl thing was icing on the cake. Would you be my Valentine? P.S. Love, love, LOVE the red hoodie!

5. Sen. Arlen Specter to the Philadelphia Eagles

I had an emotional epiphany during this past NFL season, and you guys are at the heart of it. You know this Spygate witchunt I’m on, putting Roger Goodell in the hot seat and all? It’s for YOU, all of you, that I’m doing this. Here’s to a wonderful 2008 season, you special, special guys.

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Post from: EveryJoe

5 Best Valentines in the Sports World