Here’s what we liked best about the 2008 U.S. Open:

And here’s what almost ruined the whole tournament for us:

Images: Used with permission of www.newscom.com

The first picture shows our fave athlete of all time, Roger Federer, planting a wet one on us, in our most joyous dreams the U.S. Open trophy. The Fed Express collected his record 5th straight U.S. Open title and 13th major overall—quelling all the naysayers who pegged him as “done” after the loss to Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon.

The second picture shows our least favorite person ever to co-host “The View,” Star Jones. The some-would-say unlucky fella she’s puckering up with is Herb Wilson. (Are we the only ones who find the irony and/or humor in the fact that the gastric bypass lady is dating a chef?)

Consider this our official plea to the media: No more pictures of Star Jones playing kissyface, preferably forever but at least not when Roger Federer is still in the tournament.

It’s a testament to our willpower and Fed-affection that we were able to watch the rest of the U.S. Open despite the ever-looming threat of more Star-Herb candids. What did tennis fans do to deserve that?

Post from: EveryJoe

Federer Wins the U.S. Open; Plus, Star Jones’ Mystery Man Revealed

Veteran broadcaster and all-around sports media guy Ed Berliner runs the Speeding Bullet Network, a multimedia site (webcasts and audio clips) dedicated to what’s hot—or not—in the sports. Ed recently invited yours truly to take part in the fun, so once a week or so I’ll be dishing up the latest snarkworthy events via an interview presented in tiny little audio snippets.

In other words, the audio clips are bite-sized cattiness, just enough for a snack. And if you’re coming here via Speeding Bullet, welcome and have a look around. (Pipe down there, regular readers. Pretending to be polite to the new folks before they find out about the frozen solid heart and how it only thaws under extreme conditions is key. Don’t blow my cover!)

Check it all out on the main page of www.speedingbulletnetwork.com. The first six clips touched on Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, Elisha Cuthbert and Dion Phaneuf and the appeal of NHL guys, Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, & the Emasculation Question, and (eep!) Star Jones and Dwayne Wade. (The clips are spread throughout the site, but all 6 can be found under The Ticket section).

Don’t worry, there will be constant whiny demands friendly reminders to come “see and hear” me—as well as other sports writers and bloggers—on Speeding Bullet. But we’re kinda hoping you get sweet on it and visit often anyway.

Post from: EveryJoe

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

In a recent chit chat, People.com reports Reynolds as having married Star for love.

Here’s where the Captain Obvious part comes in because all other options defy reason and are therefore ruled out.

Did he marry her for money? No, because he was already a successful banker.

Did he marry her for her body? No, that was pre-gastric bypass. We think not.

Did he marry her for her personality? No, she gets on everyone’s nerves and gets booted off television faster than Jessica Simpson movies head straight to DVD.

Did he marry her for her ability to get a sponsored wedding? No, because no guy anticipates a wife who will turn their wedding into a new entry in the dictionary under “commercialization.”

Yep, had to be love.

Al Reynolds and Star Jones faking it for the cameras at Shaquille O’Neal’s birthday in April 2008.

Image: Used with permission of www.splashnewsonline.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Meet Star Jones’ Ex-Hubby to Be: AKA Captain Obvious

This is just plain squicky with a capital S. Actually, let’s make the QUICKY capital too because–well, it should be.

Photo courtesy of www.splashonline.com  

We can think of at least 5 reasons why this should be classified as squicky:

1. Does anyone remember how she went on . .  and on . . . and on . . . about her sponsor-filled, constantly plugged wedding on The View? If not, that’s OK. We’re trying to forget, too.

2. She was so aggravating and obsequious (how’s that for plucking a Junior English vocab word out of the past?) covering the red carpet that E! gave her the boot. Seriously—how hard is it to chat it up with kitted out celebrities and not get on everyone’s nerves? As if that’s a task only a worthy few can handle.

3. The Queen of TMI, who didn’t quite make it to her 4th anniversary with the formerly delusional Al Reynolds, published a nauseating and how-on-earth-it-made-it-past-the-editorial-board-is-beyond-us book called Shine: A Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love shortly after wedded bliss was theirs to behold. You can buy it here on Amazon. It’s the perfect gift for someone you don’t like!

4. We have no problem with the 20-year age difference, but Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher these two are not, mostly because Star Jones is one half of the couple. No offense, Dwayne; anyone and Star Jones would equal a pair of honeys people would toss their cookies over, if they even had an appetite after the name “Star Jones” was mentioned. 

5. Let’s reiterate this one more time, in case our subtlety has thrown you for a loop: It’s Star Jones, people. Star. Jones. 

Post from: EveryJoe

Star Jones and Dwayne Wade: 5 Reasons Why This is Squicky