As expected, everyone who has a stake in this—Clemens, McCready, and Clemens nemesis/steroid abuse whistleblower Brian McNamee—took turns stirring the pot.   

One series of events, three interpretations. Actually, make that four, given that Clemens changed his story. Here’s the latest:

A teary-eyed McCready fessed up to the New York Daily News.

Clemens (shock of all shocks) initially denied the tryst chatter but given McCready’s sing-like-a-canary routine, the puffed-up pitcher has finally admitted it.

Oh, and here’s the spin from the Brian McNamee camp. You can almost see the cartwheels they’re doing with this silver bullet for character assassination.  

You know, once upon a time we suspected Clemens of having a voodoo doll and using it on McNamee, but now we’re wondering if maybe McNamee’s hooked up with a Clemens-cursing witch doctor of his own. . .

Post from: EveryJoe

One-Stop Shopping on the Clemens-McCready-and-Even-McNamee Affair

Yesterday afternoon McNamee passed out behind the wheel and drove his Lexus head-on into a bus. No one was seriously injured, so there’s a good chance the Clemens clan was seriously amused.

The curious subplot in the Clemens-McNamee soap opera had the syringe-collector telling police the blackout was the result of an ongoing medical problem. (Despite not pursuing a career in medicine, we suspect that’s the technical term for “excessive stress due to this *#&^*@!!! steroid abuse scandal”).

Not to jump to conclusions, but really: Would it hurt to poke around (get it?) Roger Clemens’ stuff in search of a little doll with pins jammed in its head?

Post from: EveryJoe

Roger Clemens Must Have a Voodoo Doll

Bonds, as you probably know, is being bagged for allegedly lying to a federal grand jury about his use of “performance-enhancing drugs.” He’s pleaded not guilty to perjury and obstruction of justice charges, and now he’s turning the tables because of a couple typos: Last week, prosecuters idiotically mistakenly cited a failed drug test he took in November 2001.

Oops! They meant November 2000.

But the official documents said 2001 until the typos were fixed the following day. Bonds’ claim is that the typos could—wait for it—no really, wait for it, ’cause this is good—”compromise his chances for a fair trial.”

Yeah.

You have to wonder, though, what kind of bonehead doesn’t proofread this kind of thing? Who doesn’t triple fact-check a high-profile case like this? If we were in charge, we’d make the responsible party write “I must proofread my work” until the chalkboard was full.

It could be, however, that Bonds is thinking ahead: As devoted reader Caesar would say, this could launch him on a new career. So if your high schooler comes home remarking on the “new susbtitute English teacher who looks like Barry Bonds,” remember . . . you heard it here first.

Post from: EveryJoe

Barry Bonds, Typo Nazi

Blame it on the kiddos: A spokesman for the museum claims it was “difficult for us to give answers to the kids coming through the museum.” What did Yogi himself have to say? The spokesman had no Yogi-isms to pass along, just an admission that the legendary Yankee catcher was cool with it.

Post from: EveryJoe

Clemens Shirt Yanked by Yogi’s Museum

In one corner, you have the Roger Clemens-Brian McNamee edition of Days of Our Lives. Adding to the overall “WTF?”-ness of the whole steroid shebang is the latest McNamee bombshell that he also injected the 7-time Cy Young winner’s wife Debbie Clemens with HGH.

But in another corner, thankfully, you have the Beckhams. They’re not embroiled in a steroid abuse scandal, they’re not licking their Super Bowl wounds as we imagine Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are, and they aren’t having a pre-Pro Bowl PDA-fest in Hawaii like Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. They’re just being their sexy selves.

And the world shows its gratitude: David just got a World’s Sexiest Footballer* title while Victoria “Posh Spice” got a World’s Sexiest Mom nod from Victoria’s Secret (and if they say something’s sexy, we believe ‘em) as well as a coveted Project Runway guest judge spot.

Now of course, it would be much more fun to cover the Beckhams if they did something naughty (publicly), but sometimes it’s just nice to enjoy the pretty people as they are.

*Um, obviously this doesn’t refer to American Football, or it would have been a tie with Tom Brady.

Post from: EveryJoe

Thank Goodness for the Beckhams

McNamee claims that Mrs. Clemens, looking pretty darn buff here in a 2003 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, had HGH injected while preparing for the salacious shoot.

As faithful reader Prospero aptly pointed out, sometimes the Blog Deities really are generous in doling out foddah. But who knew they worked late on Fridays?

Post from: EveryJoe

Et Tu, Mrs. Clemens?

The catch? All the answers by “Roger Clemens” are actually quotes from the Bill Belichick telecon a few days after the New England Patriots became dead to us lost the Super Bowl (possibly due to the red hoodie).  

Gossip on Sports: How many HGH injections did you take over the past few years?

Roger Clemens as Bill Belichick: “It takes a lot to get to this point, but we’re starting all over in the new ‘08 season and it’s already time to move on.”

GoS: You once said you didn’t give a rodent’s tush (i.e., a rat’s a**) about the Hall of Fame. What else don’t you give a rat’s a** about?

RC as BB: “I think that applies to pretty much everything.”

GoS: As a Red Sox traitor former member of the New York Yankees, do you blame Joe Torre for the team’s posteason loss against the Cleveland Indians?

RC as BB: “Like I feel about every game, there is always room to improve and coach better, and I’m sure that all the players that participated in the game feel the same way . . .”

GoS: Given your age and the um, ”proof” Brian McNamee claims to have about your steroid use, how would you assess your career at this point?

RC as BB: “It’s pretty much over. Time to move on. I’m not going to sit here and dwell on anything good or bad. It’s over.”

You heard it here first, folks.

Post from: EveryJoe

Clemens “Speaks” Belichick

You know, we don’t want to take a congressional hearing lightly, but—wait a minute, who are we kidding? We take all potential blog foddah lightly. Yet even snarky, skeptical blogerettes can’t help but wonder if ancient syringes and gauze are more of a stretch than Kim Kardashian’s qualifications as a “celebrity.”

The real investigation here should be about Brian McNamee’s storage habits and whether or not he has some kind of addiction to medical waste products. What the heck else did he “save” over the years?

What was he going to do, open a Museum of MLB Used Bandages & Other First Aid Collectibles? Quick, somebody follow Curt Schilling around and wait for him to put some Ben-Gay on his shoulder. Then collect the tissue and sell it to McNamee

Post from: EveryJoe

“Proof” of Clemens’ Steroid Abuse

The other day we mentioned how the 1991 Rookie of the Year had the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate pointed at him in the steroid abuse scandal. Chucky Knobby’s initial reaction was to get out of Dodge faster than O.J. Simpson in a white Bronco during a police chase.

He finally reached out and touched the Feds, and they’re all one big happy family now. Kind of. Knoblauch will give either a deposition or a transcribed interview on Friday. And we’re guessing he’s not going to go into snitch-mode like Andy Pettitte, who intends to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Post from: EveryJoe

Chuck Knoblauch Slides Into Home

Hendricks released an 18,000-word statistical report today in response to former trainer Brian McNamee’s allegations that the would-be Hall of Famer jumped on the steroid bandwagon. Fortunately, we’ve taken the time to decode and summarize the whole shebang for you in three words: “Roger Ain’t Guilty.”

To what does Hendricks attribute Clemens’Energizer Bunny-like career? Good ol’-fashioned adjustment. (Is it too silly for us admit to thinking about jock straps upon seeing the words “baseball player” and “adjustment” in the same article?). Hendricks says the Cy Young winner tossed in a “very effective split-finger fastball to offset the decrease in the speed of his regular fastball caused by aging.”

Hey, at least Clemens is lucky enough to have Hendricks and the occasionally-less-than-above-board Scott Boras in his corner.

Will the Cy Young winner prevail or is this a case of creative statistics? Time will tell. And if it doesn’t, we can always hope our fave pitcher Curt Schilling will shake things up on his blog.

Post from: EveryJoe

Roger Clemens’ Agent Says, “Nuh-Uh”