Let’s face it, The Undertaker isn’t a young dude anymore. He’s also had this knee problem on and off for awhile now and it’s not going to get any better as long as he’s still ring-bound. Prowrestling.com reports that he may have re-aggravated it last night at taping for Smakcdown!.

Undertaker reaggravated his knee injury in a dark match against the Big Show at last night’s Smackdown tapings in Columbus, OH. Zach Ryder, Curt Hawkins, and Bam Neely attacked him, and after chasing them out the ring, he posed for the crowd and walk around. Before heading backstage, he took a seat on the ring steps and appeared exhausted. He was seen limping up the ramp according to a fan report.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an angle soon for him to get surgery or time off to nurse his injury. It’s amazing after all these years, how big of a draw The Undertaker still is. To read the rest, go to Prowrestling.com.

Image used with permission from Newscom.com

I’m going to pose the question that’s on everyone’s mind: Where is Edge? Is he checking out the Finnish Art Nouveau buildings in Helskinki? Visiting the faux-”Tropical Beach” in Helsingborg? Touring the Baltic wonders of Hel, Poland? Or just spending some island time in the Hellenic Republic?

He could be doing any of these things. Because he hasn’t returned to the WWE since The Undertaker evidently sent him hell during the hell in the cell match at SummerSlam. Straight through the ring, fire and everything. And if hell is under the ring, does that mean Hornswaggle is one of Satan’s minions? I digress.

An exclusive jabandgrapple investigation revealed that the last time Edge checked into his myspace page was April 24, 2008 and he hasn’t posted a blog entry there since seeing the Foo Fighters. Could my favorite Rated-R Superstar really be gone?

Actually it’s been reported on the wrestling gossip newsletters that Edge has a slew of nagging injuries and just wanted some time off. A TLC match and a Hell In A Cell Match will do that to you. In the meantime, we wish Edge well. SmackDown hasn’t been the same without your flowing mane. Vickie Guerrero hasn’t been as despicable, the show hasn’t been as lively, the Edgeheads not as sycophantic, and poor Chavo just seems lost. Even your biggest supporter, Mick Foley, had to leave and join TNA. (Bad choice, sock man. Bad choice.) Come back Edge, we all miss you so much!

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/25/08

Dear Jabandgrapple.com readers. Chances are next week’s wrestler rankings will be funnier, better written, provide smarter, crisper analysis, might include someone other than WWE wrestlers, and won’t show extreme prejudice towards Mark Henry, JBL, and Kane.

That’s right, this is Mr. Jabandgrapple’s last post. That doesn’t mean there won’t be another Mr. Jabandgrapple just like there was another Ultimate Warrior, another Kane, and another Undertaker. What’s that? There was only one Ultimate Warrior, one true Kane, and one true Undertaker.

That’s besides the point. Just goes to prove that the next Mr. Jabandgrapple will be a more learned wrestling fan. Am I off to a lucrative column at Pro Wrestling Illustrated? A WWE writing gig alongside Freddy Prinze, Jr. in Stamford, Connecticut? Sideline speech and interview writer for Eve Torres? Exclusive publicist for Shannon Briggs?

Let’s just say I’m off to parts unknown. Without further ado, here’s my last WWE wrestler rankings.

1. Undertaker (LW: 1)
Taker’s to-do list:
Sunday: Edge sent to h-e double hockey sticks. Check.
Friday: Steal Vickie Guerrero’s soul. Sorta check. He said he was going to do it. Didn’t exactly see the aura sucked out of her body. Perhaps because SmackDown was again pre-empted by exhibition football and all I got was the standard-def feed. Taker is back and he’s on fire! Although presumably not as on fire as Edge.

2. Batista (LW: 2)
The Animal still holds the 1-0 edge over his former Tag Team Champion partner but his work on RAW - hobbling to victory over Paul Birchill - certainly doesn’t carry the same weight as Cena’s effort last Monday…

3. John Cena (LW: 5)
Hustle, loyalty and respect brought a handicap match victory over the reigning tag team. It’s only right then that Cena should be named Tag Team champion all by himself. We’re still surprised that Mick Foley never teamed with one of his many personas to win a Tag title. What’s that?

(Official voice: This is a WWE ranking and Mick Foley has nothing to do with the WWE. Cease and desist in mentioning the king of the hell in the cell.)

Let’s move on.

4. Y2J (LW: 10)
Our personal savior (who no longer is in the saving business) Chris Jericho joined the growing list of WWE superstars who’ve defeated the supposed RAW title holder, CM Punk, during his ignominious reign. Shouldn’t that then make him the World Heavyweight Champion just as Cena should be the tag team champ? That would make too much sense.

What also is inexplicable? Why did the WWE replay the Y2J-punching-Shawn Michaels’-wife saga on all three shows? Doesn’t matter, I loved it all three times.

5. HHH (LW: 3)
The King of Kings was just sort of there this week only slightly assisting our next entrant in his match…

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 6)
The now-braided rainbow-haired warrior defeated the Great Khali in the biggest mismatch between athlete and non-athlete since nearly every Olympic boxing match. Somehow in those bouts the non-athlete always won. Shows you why I love pro wrestling.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 7)
It is STILL so unfair that Kofi lost his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back on tonight’s RAW. Of course we said the same thing last week.

8. Edge (LW: 4)
When will he emerge from Hades? If not this Friday then I’m dropping him off this list. But you won’t be here next week. Arrggghh.

9. Shelton Benjamin (LW: NR)
Beat Finlay in a very long match on SmackDown. I keep forgetting that Finlay has a title belt, namely the U.S. Championship. Yet another reason why next weeks ratings will be smarter.

10. The Miz (LW: NR)
Because I like him. That’s why. Because I love reality TV. That’s right I said it. Because the only show on television almost as good as wrestling is the Road Rules/Real World Challenge. And The Miz was a stellar performer on that show.

Dropped Out: CM Punk, Vladimir Kozlov

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/18/08

1. Undertaker (LW: 10)
He’s baaaaaaaaaack and he’s sending people to h-e double hockey sticks. We really didn’t realize how much we missed the Undead Superstar until his epic SummerSlam Hell in a Cell match. Amazing stuff in what might go down as an all-time great pro wrestling match.

2. Batista (LW: 1)
His match versus John Cena wasn’t the highlight of SummerSlam but hopefully we will see these two titans square off again.

3. Triple H (LW: 4)
He beat The Great Khali. Yawn. Let’s see him start feuding with Edge or Taker. The pedigreed one won’t stand a chance.

4. Edge (LW: 3)
Did Edge solidify his place in the WWE Hall of Fame with yet another ridiculously good headline match? We think so. Can’t wait to see what’s up next for the Rated R Superstar.

5. John Cena (LW: 2)
The crowd is beginning to turn against everybody’s all-American. How long before Cena turns heel? Hopefully soon.

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 9)
Sure he lost at SummerSlam but only because of Shelton Benjamin’s interference. Hardy has been terrific as of late and the untrue rumors of his broken neck have only added to his legend.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 5)
So unfair that Kofi could lose his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back tonight on RAW.

8. CM Punk (LW: NR)
He won. Double yawn. A pin versus JBL means NOTHING. CM Punk still has a lot to prove in our book.

9. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: 8)
Maybe he’ll get a match in the next pay-per-view. We’re not holding our breath.

10. Y2J (LW: 7)
Overshadowed again by Shawn Michaels. Y2J’s star is falling and it’s falling fast.
Dropped Out: The Great Khali

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/11/08

Monday night’s RAW and Tuesday’s ECW didn’t exactly bring us a lot of action while Friday night’s SmackDown was preempted in Mr. Jabandgrapple’s hometown by an Eagles vs. Steelers pre-season match-up. And while my DVR wasn’t intuitive enough to tape the delayed broadcast I was able to get a hold of the matches.

1. Batista (LW: 3)
The Animal channeled his ample anger and pinned Ted DiBiase, Jr. to become a half of an unlikely WWE Tag Team Champion pairing.

2. John Cena (LW: 2)
The other half of the new belt holders. We can’t wait for the newly allied SummerSlam matchup.

3. Edge (LW: 1)
At some point he’s going to have to wrestler, right? Still, flipping Vickie Guerrero out of her wheelchair is something we’ve wanted to see forever. And the Rated-R Superstar definitely seems to have his mojo back.

4. Triple H (LW: 4)
Good mic work and some clever insults towards the Great Khali and his manager “Funyon”. HHH had the arm wrestling match won and Khali resorted to some dastardly tactics.

5. Kofi Kingston (LW: 6)
The high flying superstar just keeps getting better. We really enjoyed his dismantling of Paul Birchill. Let’s hope that feud is over. It’s gotten way too one-sided.

6. The Great Khali (LW: 8)
As much as it pains me to move Khali to #6 he did put a hurting on HHH and that doesn’t happen often. We always feel a little bad for him after hearing the rumor that he doesn’t have much time left in the WWE because of his degenerating knees.

7. Y2J (LW: 4)
Chris Jericho gets a lot less interesting without Shawn Michaels as a foil. How could I place him above JBL who actually made the pin in the JBL-Y2J handicap match against CM Punk? Because Y2J did all the damage on Punk and because I hate JBL. Simple as that.

8. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: NR)
So it’s not just us who wants Kozlov to face better competition. Vladimir is sick of beating up jobbers too. Last week he got Jesse and Festus who are a serviceable duo. Kozlov got the job done and makes his first appearance in the JandG rankings.

9. Jeff Hardy (LW: NR)
The rainbow-haired warrior is also making his first JandG ranking appearance. And not a moment too soon. He’s been beating up on the competition only to be foiled by MVP’s interference. It’s time to hurt MVP at SummerSlam and we can’t wait for that eventuality.

10. The Undertaker (LW: NR)
Black roses, splayed out La Familia members, fear everywhere. He’s baaa-aackkkk!

Dropped Out: Mr Kennedy (get well soon!), Matt Hardy, and CM Punk

Great American Bash Predictions

***

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer

for the ECW Championship
I have more of a chance joining the WWE writing staff than Dreamer has of winning the ECW championship. Henry should take him down with his typical ennui-inducing ring power act. expect a lot of sweat and lots of confident cackling from Henry and Tony Atlas.
Mr. JandG pick: Mark Henry
Mrs. Jand G pick: Mark Henry, unfortunately
Odds: Henry -9,900; Dreamer +9,900

Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

for the SmackDown Divas Championship
The most shocking news I read this week: Michelle McCool is dating The Undertaker. Are you kidding me? Some undead guys have all the luck.

Nevertheless, regular SmackDown viewers know that Natalya can wrestle! She would make for a great first SmackDown Divas champ and we’re really rooting for her to win this match tonight.
Mr. JandG pick: Natalya
Mrs. Jand G pick: Natalya because meanness trumps athletic and nimble.
Odds: McCool -150; Natalya +150

Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Ryder and Hawkins

in a WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way
Who do I want to win? Miz and Morrison. Who do I think will win? I have a striking suspicion that The Miz and Morrison’s eight-month reign is coming to an end with new flavor of the month Jesse and Festus seizing the belt. But, as the Rock says, “It doesn’t matter.” I’m picking the Miz and Morrison although I think this match could get too chaotic for words.
Mr. JandG pick: Miz and Morrison
Mrs. Jand G pick: Miz and Morrison b/c they’re the only “real” tag team involved.
Odds: Miz and Morrison +100; Finlay and Hornswaggle +300; Jesse and Festus +400; Ryder and Hawkins +1,900

John Cena vs. JBL

in a NYC Parking Lot Brawl
Are these guys really fighting again? That means we’ve been blessed with these two in three of the past four pay-per-views. I remember their One Night Stand and Judgment Day bouts as their respective PPV’s worst. There’s no reason to expect this one to be any different even with its gimmicky set-up. I expect Cryme Tyme and DiBiase and Rhodes to work their way into the parking lot and wreak havoc but they’ll cancel each other out and Cena will prevail…again.
Mr. JandG pick: John Cena
Mrs. Jand G pick: John Cena b/c JBL is used to playing dirty but at the end of the day he’s not that smart.
Odds: John Cena -300; JBL +300

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

It’s safe to say that this is the match everyone is waiting for. The slow build-up to this feud between the WWE’s top two vets has been terrific. We’re expecting a repeat of their One Night Stand epic, a bout that currently makes the short list for match of the year. We shouldn’t be disappointed. I think Y2J wins with some Lance Cade-trickery and this feud continues, culminating in a SummerSlam rubber match
Mr. JandG pick: Chris Jericho
Mrs. Jand G pick: Shawn Michaels b/c everyone’s waiting for his grand resurrection.
Odds: Y2J -110; HBK +110

Triple H vs. Edge

for the WWE Championship
There are so many ways this storyline can go. I would love to see a prolonged Edge - Triple H with its resulting sleeping-with-the-boss in jokes but considering the Vickie-Edge breakup it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. There has been a lot of speculation about The Undertaker returning here but I’m not getting my hopes up. Still, my pick is for Edge to win and his HHH feud to continue although my head tells me that Triple H will win because he always does. And because Edge has no one to help him.
Mr. JandG pick: Edge
Mrs. Jand G pick: Triple H. But I have no idea; It’s above my pay scale. Have to side with experience.
Odds: Triple H -200; Edge +200

CM Punk vs. Batista

for the World Heavyweight Championship
Punk has been awful uninspiring since earning the title. He hasn’t stepped up his ring presence or his microphone skills. Batista, on the other hand, carries himself with the air of a champion. However, I think CM Punk deserves a chance to prove himself and he doesn’t lose his title until SummerSlam.
Mr. JandG pick: CM Punk
Mrs. Jand G pick: Batista b/c there’s been too many references lately to him being a “former champion.” That ends tonight.
Odds: Batista -150; CM Punk +150

It wasn’t the return of Lita, it wasn’t an affair with the attractive wedding planner, and it wasn’t a Vince Vaughn-Owen Wilson-esque wedding crashing intervention by The Undertaker.

No, Edge and Vickie Guerrero were finally split apart by the volatile combination of Vickie’s horrible insensitivity towards her partner and Edge’s unbearable insecurity brought on by his shock loss of the World Heavyweight Championship.

We weren’t shocked as much by the breakup then by Vickie’s frequent switches from wheelchair-bound to able pedestrian.

Our favorite moment of the night was when Triple H couldn’t keep a straight face while talking to Vickie Guerrero. His line, “(Edge) is some kind of genius. Marrying the boss to get ahead in business…honestly, who thinks up that kind of stuff?” While wondering if his wife Stephanie McMahon wrote that line we decided that we enjoy HHH’s self-deprecating side.

Anyway, below is the incredible climax of the Edge-Vickie Guerrero saga below. Be forewarned, it peaks with hysterical screaming and a diamond ring hurling.

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

Cutting Edge
Tonight’s SmackDown headliner isn’t even a match. It’s a Cutting Edge segment where Edge intends to interview The Undertaker. The ladder, chair, and table are set up in the ring to mimic what will happen on Sunday at the One Night Stand PPV.

Edge takes the mic to explain how he’s been tortured for the past year by the spectre he knows as the Undertaker. He looks at what he calls “that beautiful title” and visibly shudders with orgasmic ecstasy and licks his lips with the notion that if Taker loses at One Night Stand he will be banished from the entire WWE.

Read more

WWE SmackDown Results 5/24/08

Deuce, Domino and Maryse def. Jesse, Festus and Cherry
Finlay def. Chuck Palumbo
Batista def. M.V.P.
Vladimir Kozlov def. Nunzio
Matt Hardy and Kofi Kingston def. Shelton Benjamin and Elijah Burke
The Undertaker def. Chavo Guerrero

Friday night’s SmackDown concluded what has been an entertaining week of wrestling matches.

The hard-fought epic M.V.P.-Batista battle which saw terrific give-and-take, lots of powerful moves, and a successful building of an interesting feud.

My favorite bout of the night was surprisingly the Finlay-Chuck Palumbo match. The two sparred for a good ten minutes providing good action and compelling drama. All of this was emphasized by the fact that Hornswaggle spent most of the match under the canvas. But when the little guy emerged the fun began. The first time he disrupted a sure Palumbo pin by splattering the journeyman with a Super Soaker.

Read more

Last night’s WWE Judgment Day PPV turned out a lot like this year’s NBA Playoffs thus far: no upsets, modest levels of excitement, good performances by workmanlike professionals, but ultimately a lackluster show. No titles changed, no blood, and no can’t-miss moments. Although the Y2J - Shawn Michaels match came close.

In fact, if you had looked at the WWE’s own pre-Judgment Day Power 25 rankings you would have known the winner in all four planned singles matches. All the top seeds won.

Read more