The Big Show def. Domino
Edge and Mick Foley talk about desire and the future

1. Big Show makes short work of Domino. Umaga comes out. I yell “Welcome home to Pennsy Umaga…now go back to Allentown!” My genealogical accuracy might be off but my endurance is beginning to wane. We’ve been here since 7:00 p.m. and it’s now almost 11:00 p.m. I’m a lot more tired than I expected.

2. Let’s just say Edge’s introspection is compelling as is his drawn out dialouge with Mick Foley. But we wanted a main event! We wanted wrestling! And if not we wanted to see the Undertaker. That’s why we chanted “UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap.” We wanted to see the Undead Superstar more than we wanted to see Edge’s angst. Heck, we would have even settled for Paul Bearer. It didn’t happen.

I’m not saying Mick Foley wasn’t great. He was. But the entire Hershey, Pa. Giant Center crowd left disappointed. We did too.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/1/08 WWE SmackDown: We Were There Again Part Three

Edge and Vickie Guerrero engage in some break-up arguments
Shelton Benjamin def. Matt Hardy
Mr. Kennedy def. Domino
Chavo Guerrero and Edge have a man to man conversation
Chavo and Vickie discuss Edge

Image details: Bride and Groom Having Disagreement served by picapp.com

Segment One:
Edge is tortured. The wedding is off. Edge gives orders, he doesn’t take orders. The wedding is off. Edge is his own man. Now he’s happy. Vickie Guerrero is not good enough for him. Mrs. Jabandgrapple says “word”. The wedding is off. The Baton Rouge crowd still thinks he sucks.

Here comes Vickie wheeled in by Ryder and Hawkins. The crowd thinks she sucks more than Edge. Which is saying a lot. She’s putting the verbal smackdown, as it were, on Edge. She’s forcing Edge to fight the Big Show tonight in a non-disqualification match. So much for standing by your man. The wedding is still off.

Edge counters with “At the end of the night The Big Show is going to be just like you Vickie…a loser!” She cuts his mike. We’re excited for the Main Event and enjoy the squabbling pair who obviously still love each other.

Segment Two:
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
Shelton is one of jabandgrapple.com’s favorite wrestlers. We’re hoping he gets a push. Before that Mick and JR kiss head writer and former Fabulous Freebird Michael Hayes’ butt with some compliments. Doesn’t that guy already have everything?

Shelton and Matt are engaging in a lot of center of the ring holds. The match started slow but it’s gaining momentum and the crowd is getting into it. Benjamin is partaking in a lot of risky rope leaping but Hardy is not taking advantage. The Gold Standard hits a powerful and unexpected Paydirt (?) and Hardy is out for the count. This was an surprising and abrupt win for Shelton Benjamin.

Segment Three:
Mr. Kennedy is fighting Domino but angers M.V.P. who is doing some co-announcing with JR and Mick. Kennedy is dominating this battle and the brand’s new additions are all looking good. SmackDown is quickly replacing RAW as my favorite show. Kennedy downs Domino with a Mic Check and taunts M.V.P. just a bit. Kennedy is then surprised by Umaga who Samoan Spikes him to M.V.P.’s delight.

Segment Four:
Chavo Guerrero is going to settle the score with Edge and Vickie and make things right. Maybe the wedding isn’t completely off after all…

Segment Five:
Chavo intervenes with Vickie by calling Edge names. Doesn’t he know that this is broadcast on TV? Edge must have a DVR. He says “We’re both Guerreros,” but Vickie isn’t having it. She tells Chavo he’s fighting HHH. Oooooof.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part One: The Wedding Is Still Off

These last two picks and the final match are going to have to be pretty darn great to get me into a good mood. Lucky for me, they are.

Match/Draft Pick #9 and #10
The last match is a 15-man Royal Rumble with 5 representatives from each brand. RAW looks pretty stacked but since pre-match RAW had 4 wrestler picks, SmackDown 2, and ECW 1 it’s clear that a SmackDown fighter is going to prevail.

The competitors have matching T-shirts which Mrs. Jabandgrapple thinks are darling. It’s a pretty good Royal Rumble highlighted by a vicious clash of heads between Batista and Edge. Batista’s head is gashed open and he oozes blood. The Animal is dazed for about five minutes before Big Show mercifully lifts him over the top rope. Batista clearly has a concussion. Let’s hope he can fight on Sunday.

The last four competitors are John Cena (RAW), HHH (RAW), Big Show (SmackDown) and Edge (SmackDown). Big Show is a perennial Royal Rumble favorite since he’s approximately 2,000 pounds. This doesn’t deter the RAW tandem who gang up on him and flip him over the top rope. Edge spends much of this time prone on the canvas. He too looks a little dazed and might also have a concussion from the Batista clash of heads.

Cena and HHH can’t contain their anger and attack each other. Edge capitalizes on their impetuousness and knocks them both out of the ring.

After the match and after Vince McMahon gives away $500,000 the stage collapses around him, he’s trapped, and finally wheeled out by EMT staff. We’re thinking amnesia or an altered personality as an excuse to stop giving away the money.

SmackDown Draft pick #1: Mr. Kennedy

Draft Grade: B+ The RAW stable was getting crowded and Kennedy is poised for bigger and better things on SmackDown.

SmackDown Draft pick #2: Triple H

Draft Grade: A- The snarling Cerberus of Orton-HHH-Cena has finally been separated. Thank heavens! The Night of Champions title matches just go a lot more interesting. I say Batista brings the World Heavyweight Championship to RAW while Triple H retains the WWE Title and takes that to SmackDown.

Overall Analysis: B-
The 2008 WWE Draft made a pretty big statement by moving Triple H away from RAW. That could sufficiently shake up the boring re-match PPV scene all by itself. Most of the picks turned out to be swaps of similar wrestlers. The brand landscapes haven’t changed that much.

Who wins the swaps, we wondered:

Rey Mysterio (RAW) vs. Jeff Hardy (SmackDown): PUSH
CM Punk (RAW) vs. Mr. Kennedy (SmackDown): SmackDown
Batista (RAW) vs. Triple H (SmackDown): RAW
Kane (RAW) vs. Umaga (SmackDown): RAW by a nose

So RAW wins by a nose but overall I’d have to give the edge (pardon the pun) to SmackDown.

The real loser was Matt Hardy and the ECW. Matt doesn’t have the ability to headline a brand like Kane or his brother. We can only hope that ECW’s dearth of draft picks means a talent import from other wrestling promotions.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #9, #10 and Overall Analysis

I’m angry and disappointed by the earlier draft pick that separated the recently reunited Matt Hardy from his brother. I was excited about tonight’s draft and now I just want to stop writing altogether. But I’m going to soldier on.

Oh by the way, the Million Dollar Madness password tonight is Night of Champions Winning that money might be the only thing that could cheer me up..

Match/Draft Pick #6
Edge (SmackDown) vs. John Cena (RAW)
Edge is counted out of the ring more because of indifference than injury. Edge has his mind on Sunday’s match and for good reason. After the match Batista flattens him and is…

RAW Draft Pick: Batista

Draft Grade: A-. We asked for this one and it’s a good change.

Match/Draft Pick #7
MVP (SmackDown) vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW)
Was this match ever in doubt? MVP wins with zero effort.

SmackDown Draft Pick: Umaga

Draft Grade: A-. We asked for this one too and it’s another good change.

Match/Draft Pick #8
Kofi Kingston (ECW) vs. JBL (RAW)
Can Kofi step it up against the much larger brawler? We sure hope so. Alas, he can’t and JBL finishes him off with a clothesline.

RAW Draft Pick: Kane

Draft Grade: C. Kane never really fit on ECW but the goofy big man friendly environs of SmackDown feels like it would have been a better fit. I find Kane so uninteresting and so boring. This pick is sort of blah for me.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #6, #7, and #8

Tonight is the WWE 2008 Draft (see photo of Draft Horses) and it couldn’t have come at a better time. RAW and SmackDown have descended into a long period of stagnation. Every week we get the same matches, the same winners, and the same losers. Things are changing tonight with a special three hour RAW. There have been no telling spoilers regarding the event and it seems not even the wrestlers themselves no if they are changing brands or not.

We’re not going to make any predictions but we are going to make a list of ten changes we would like to see happen at the draft. Please comment below with your own thoughts or hopes. Not sure who is in which brand? The WWE.com has a fun flash game where you can move your favorite superstars from brand to brand. Just click to http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/wwedraft2008/fantasydraft/.

1. No more JBL vs. John Cena matches. Everyone is sick of boring matches these two give us what seem to be every week. The best way to stop them would be to move JBL to ECW purgatory.
2. Stop Umaga’s descent into a high-level jobber. When exactly was the last time Umaga won? Move him to SmackDown and throw him into the Big Show-Mark Henry-Kane big man brawl.
3. Give Natalya a good rival and competitor in the SmackDown Women’s Title hunt. Who better than Beth Phoenix? She’s lost far too many times to Mickie James to still be a viable RAW entity. She moves to SmackDown and she’s back to claim her rightly throne again.
4. Give MVP his wish and let him leave SmackDown. If you send him to RAW he’ll run into the same outside rut he’s in at SmackDown. Move him to ECW and let MVP be the big fish in a small pond.
5. Move Shelton Benjamin away from ECW. He’s been the Pro Wrestling Observer’s Most Underrated wrestler for three years running now. He’s not going to be facing Kane for the ECW title anytime soon. Move him back to RAW. He’s big and strong enough to fight their top level guys -John Cena, the Randy Orton, and Triple H – and if given another chance he could up his game.
6. Let some perennial losers have a chance to lose elsewhere. I guess this is the point of the draft, actually. Shuffle Snitsky, Chuck Palumbo, and Paul London.
7. Reunite the Hardy Boyz. Bring Jeff over to SmackDown. Let the magic happen again. The rainbow-haired warrior is much better suited to Friday nights anyway.
8. More high flyers to SmackDown just in time for the return of Rey Mysterio. If Jeff Hardy is coming over why not bring Kofi Kingston and/or Evan Bourne along with him?
9. Give RAW another Big Dog. Why not Batista? he hasn’t been there since 2005 and would give Triple H or Cena a great adversary. We haven’t seen those matches in a while.
10. More rough and tumble brawlers to RAW. We like the pair of the tested Finlay and the untested Bam Neely. How that would effect Hornswaggle and La Familia would be hard to tell but it would be fun.
BONUS Send Mike Adamle away. Far, far away.

That would leave the following influx:
To RAW: Batista, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Bam Neely, and Chuck Palumbo
To SmackDown: Jeff Hardy, Umaga, Kofi Kingston, Beth Phoenix, and Paul London
To ECW: JBL, MVP, and Snitsky

Your thoughts or wishes? Comment below!

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE 2008 Draft Tonight! Our Wish List and Preview

John Cena def. Umaga
No Million Dollar Giveaway and password at the show’s start? That’s good news. Instead we get Cena and HHH feuding in a Night of Champions promo. They’re really angry at each other but we’re happy the Million Dollar Mania isn’t the night’s focus. Can it continue? Vince McMahon breaks up their argument to announce the giveaway password – Watch Ray & Win – which is hardly a “password” at all. Oh, well.

Instead of Vince bumbling through the phone we immediately get a terrific “Street Fight” (no DQ’s) match between Umaga and John Cena. Cena finally seems fully recovered from his pectoral injury as evidenced by tonight’s high risk maneuvers, two attempts to lift Umaga, and the fact that he wasn’t fighting JBL for the 50th time since May. Once Umaga throws the steel stairs into the ring you know the match was over; those things are far too dangerous. Umaga’s recent losing streak has to mean one thing: he’s moving away from RAW next Monday at the Draft. This match and its setup take about 30 minutes and was a great start to RAW.

Can our good luck continue? Yes and no. Vince staggers again through dialing the digits, gives so MON-ay away to an excited man from Virginia Beach, and announces a WWE Divas bikini contest.

SCCCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH.

That was the show’s momentum.

Image details: Spring 2008 – Around Smashbox – Day 4 served by picapp.com

Did I mind seeing the beautiful ladies? No, but there is no way Eve Torres should have lost to Maria. No reason whatsover.

This week the Million Dollar winners are interacting with Vince and seemed (gasp!) prepped ahead of time. A man from North Carolina responds to Vince’s ‘who is the greatest person to come out of the Tarheel State’ question with ‘Ric Flair’ much to McMahon’s disappointment. Evidently Vince was born in Pinehurst, N.Car.

Could the Nature Boy reference be foreshadowing tonight’s future events? I have my suspicions.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE RAW 6/16: Street Fights and Bikini Blowouts

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed last night’s RAW. However, this month’s community blog post here at b5 media is “The Worst” so I’ll be scouring each match and segment on RAW to determine what was “The Worst”. I’ll also balance it with “The Best”.

Segment winners in italics. At the end of the article we’ll crown our definitive Worst and Best of the June 2 WWE Monday Night RAW.

SEGMENT #1
Triple H, John Cena, Jeff Hardy and Vince McMahon discuss who will face HHH at the Night of Champions.

The Worst Nominees: HHH’s theme music (always bad); HHH making fun of Randy Orton’s broken collarbone; Vince McMahon’s kooky and confusing memory loss gimmick.
The Best Nominees: John Cena’s great stage presence (bringing up Nostradamus, Dr. Emmett Brown, Miss Cleo, and John Edward); Jeff Hardy’s inclusion in the title shot contenders; The Jeff Hardy replica armbands that so many audience members are wearing.

SEGMENT #2
Mr. Kennedy def. Umaga
The Worst Nominees: Paul Birchill cowardly ducking Mr. Kennedy; Katie Lea Birchill’s velvet costume; Birchill’s predictable post-match sneak attack.
The Best Nominees: Kennedy calling William Regal a “little British pansy”; The “I Wish Katie Lea Was My Sister” sign; Lawler’s “Katie Lea must be a fast learner” comment.

SEGMENT #3
Vince McMahon announces his $1,000,000 plans
The Worst Nominees: Vince’s bad acting and disingenuous amazement at the look of $1M; Vince’s increasingly growly voice; The incorrect belief that people need free money to watch the WWE.
The Best Nominees: Vince’s saying that the contest winner had to be an American citizen and that that might be difficult here in Bakersfield, Calif.; Vince correctly calling the WWE a cross-section of America; Vince’s call to bring back past wrestling fans; The class warfare angle “those who insult wrestling don’t get it and look down on you”.

SEGMENT #4
Santino Marella and Carilto def. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
The Worst Nominees: Non-title matches; Roddy Piper misuse as time keeper; Roddy Piper’s shirtlessness;
The Best Nominees: King to JR: “The last time you opened up your wallet Ric Flair was voted best newcomer.”; Santino insulting Jimmy Kimmel using gimmicks of other late-night hosts; Change: Cody Rhodes possibly breaking up with Holly and joining other next generation wrestler Ted DiBiase, Jr.

SEGMENT #5
Chris Jericho def. JBL
The Worst Nominees: JBL’s boring wrestling style; Jericho’s weird need to show mercy to his competitors angle; More fake JBL blood.
The Best Nominees: Jericho’s promise to defend the InterContinental Title as much as possible; Y2J’s acrobatics; The crowd’s bloodlust and desire to see more pain inflicted on JBL.

SEGMENT #6
Beth Phoenix and Katie Lea Birchill def. Melina and Mickie James
The Worst Nominees: This match’s abrupt end (I was really getting into it); Katie Lea’s gawkiness; The Mr. Kennedy-Birchill feud overshadowing the good women’s match and Melina-Phoenix feud.
The Best Nominees: Melina’s epic yearning desire to attack Beth Phoenix and her subsquent feverish hair-pulling; Mickie James’ perky acrobatic and excitable style;The beatdown Phoenix puts on Melina.

SEGMENT #7 and #8
Lance Cade def. Trevor Murdoch
John Cena and Mickie James talk in the training room while HHH watches TV in the locker room
The Worst Nominees: Cryme Tyme extraneously eying up the $1M; The WWE’s crashed internet server due to overwhelming $1M applicants; Trevor Murdoch’s singing; The crass Mickie James’ panties joke; HHH’s crotch shot
The Best Nominees: The breakup of a successful tag team and the resulting feud; Their apparent disdain for each other (just wish I could get more excited about this one); The commercial for the forthcoming The Rock 3-DVD set; John Cena and Mickie James do look cute together.

SEGMENT #9
John Cena def. Jeff Hardy for the right to face HHH at the Night of Champions PPV.
The Worst Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and seriously killed the momentum of what could have been a great match; We love Cena but we wanted new blood going for the title; The mid-match commercial shortened an already shortened match.
The Best Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and the crowd cheered him wildly; Hardy and Cena showed great professionalism when they visibly laugh at the guy and are forced to delay their match until he’s removed from the arena; JR and Lawler do a great job joking about the ring interloper: The King evokes an image of JR streaking and they reckon the $1M promise has driven the crowd crazy.

The WORST of RAW: Has to be the crass Mickie James panties joke from Segment #8. In Segment #3 Vince talked about how he wanted to bring back people who grew up watching wrestling and for some reason stopped. For me that reason was the unnecessary inclusion of sexual gags and a loss of the 1980’s innocence. If I had been tuning in anew for the $1M that joke might have turned me off for good.

The BEST of RAW: We’ll say the breakup of Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes that was hinted at in Segment #4. We want a change from the stagnant matchups more than anyone and a stable/alliance of second (and third) generation wrestlers like Rhodes and DiBiase, Jr. would be great.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Monday Night RAW June 2: The Worst

Yesterday I made some bold predictions. Let’s see how I did.

PREDICTIONS:

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Most predictors around the world wide web had Umaga winning this one but I wasn’t so sure. I thought the anything goes style favored the quick and unpredictable Hardy rather than the brutish plodding force of Umaga. As it turned out I was right. The match seemed more like a Bam Margera video than a wrestling match and spent very little time in the ring itself. The out-of-shape Umaga must have felt winded running all over the San Diego Sports Arena aisles and parking lot.

I’ve been to the Sports Arena before and know that there’s are restaurants directly across the street including Phil’s BBQ and a Red Lobster. It would have been very easy for Umaga to get distracted. I win here.

Running Score: 1 for 1

***

MATCH #2
Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

how did I do: Even Mrs. Jabandgrapple had this one right. She said “How can any of those little guys beat Big Show? ” I said “Floyd Mayweather, Jr. did at Wrestlemania XXIV.” She laughed and stared back at me as if I was the most gullible idiot in the world.

Let it be known, as soon as I saw Shawn Merriman in the front row I said to her “There’s no way he’s not getting in on this Singapore Cane action tonight.” Why didn’t I live blog that prescient comment? Let’s move on to Match #3.

Running Score: 2 for 2

***

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: I am on an official roll now! Three for three baby. Before the match I had a feeling JBL was going to do some down low dirty stuff and pull this one out but I stayed with my heart and went with the jean-shorted one.

Running Score: 3 for 3

***

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Like the Singapore Cage match before it, the result of this bout was no mystery. Melina can’t get Phoenix to quit wearing those goofy headband/tiaras or the unflattering outfits so how could she be counted on to make her quit a wrestling match? And really she should, Beth is a lot prettier than she looks on the television. Disagree? Check out her WWE Divas page.

Running Score: 4 for 4

***

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: Here’s where it all went wrong. I foolishly went with the spoilers which said Batista was taking some time off. Just proves that the WWE is just as skillful as the KGB and the CIA with skillfully placed disinformation.

Running Score: 4 for 5. There goes the perfect.

***

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Last night didn’t seem like the best time to give Orton back the title considering his request for a few weeks off to be with his expectant wife. HHH is a boring champ but what can you do. Orton’s confirmed broken collarbone should keep him out long enough for him to joyfully welcome his newborn into the world without the distractions of WWE on-the-road travel. Sometimes good things come from bad situations.

Running Score: 5 for 6

***

MATCH #7
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite
how did I do: Absolutely 100% wrong. I didn’t see this coming not one bit. I had read that The Undertaker wanted some time off but was amazed that it happened this way at an Extreme Rules Pay-Per-View. I still can’t see him leaving and it only escalates the La Familia-Undertaker feud which is sadly the best rivalry the WWE has going on at this point.

Running Score: 5 out of 7. Not bad at all.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

My WWE One Night Stand Predictions…The Morning After

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

RESULTS

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Result: Triple H wins with a sledgehammer (yes) hit.
Match Grade: B+. Good match which ended early presumably because of a real injury to Orton. The announcing team is saying a broken collarbone and we have no reason to disagree.

Commentary:
Is this match ever going to start? Finally, after an eternity of intros the bell has rung and HHH gets to work quickly slamming Orton into seemingly everything that surrounds the ring: the gate, the announcer’s table, and of course the steel staircase. So far this match has been very one-sided but Orton brings things closer with a terrific drop kick off the ropes.

His advantage doesn’t last as HHH easily tosses him outside the ring and looks ready to reintroduce Orton to the ECW announcer’s table. It doesn’t happen as Orton painfully DDTs HHH’s face into the ringside floor from on top of the table.

Orton is now lifting the padding from the ringside floor. This is so 1982. Cement exposed but no one is taking advantage of it just yet. They’re back in the ring and Orton begins his predictable stomp-o-rama. Guess what’s in the ring now?

It’s the steel stair steps which Orton lifts over his head and tosses into HHH’s face. Hunter gets up but not before Orton brings an extension cord into the ring! He’s choking the lights out of HHH but just not enough to ensure a submission. Another 8 count. Orton looks to finish him off with an RKO but gets tossed out of the ring and, if he hit the steel stairs, might have hurt himself.

He’s holding his collarbone as if it were broken and it just might be. HHH now has a sledgehammer which he connects with. Orton is done and the medics are out. This injury might be real. As he leaves the ringside Orton snarls at a taunting fan and looks like he’s going to snap. We love him even more.

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Result: Batista wins convincingly.
Match Grade: A-. Really great match between two top-notch professionals. At the end of the match Michaels received a lot of unnecessary punishment and it will be interesting to see what happens between him and Chris Jericho; whether he thanks him for his care and assistance or resents his ridiculous interference.

Commentary:
The spoilers have suggested a winner here. But I won’t do any spoiling myself.

Batista is cleverly utilizing the stretcher to his advantage slamming the HBK into its exposed top. Michaels hit the Animal with a good kick to the head and them dismantles the ring entrance ramp (which is getting a lot of action tonight). HBK then rams Batista with the stretcher. Good thinking Shawn!

Batista lines up the Batista Bomb outside the ring but Michaels is able to get out of it and manages to get the Animal onto the stretcher. Batista seems out and Michaels is nearing the finish line just as the Animal awakes and does some pounding of his own.

I audibly groan as Batista slams HBK’s band into the side of the ring. Batista looks in control and Michaels is reeling. After one shot he seems to do a full 360-degree turn. After a powerful body slam Batista is lining up HBK for the kill but the wily Michaels is able to dodge the juggernaut who tams himself into the ring post.

Michaels is gradually regaining his energy and looks to put his adversary away with a high-flying elbow drop off the top rope. He’s successful but looks to have done some damage to his problematic back.

The Animal has Michaels in what looks to be, heavens no, a Batista Bomb over the top rope. Michaels gets away and Sweet Chin Music’s Batista onto a stretcher. The Animal is out but maintains a grip on the apron. He doesn’t want to lose and rolls himself off the stretcher.

We wonder how many stretchers are at ringside (maybe 5) as Michaels repeatedly rams one into Batista’s stomach. The Animal counters by flipping up the stretcher into Michael’s face. We can’t believe HBK’s lip isn’t bloodied at this point. Batista continues his dominance and is finally able to land a Batista bomb in the center of the ring. Problem is now he has to drag the HBK onto a stretcher. Does Shawn have time to resuscitate? It seems as Chris Jericho intervenes and stops Batista from rolling Michaels out.

As Y2J leaves Batista pulls Michaels into the ring to inflict more punishment. Michaels looks destitute. Heavens to Betsy, another Batista Bomb landed! This has to be it. But Y2J reappears. He’s put himself in between the stretcher and the finish line and is trying to spur Michaels on.

But he seems to be hurting Michaels more than he’s helping him. Batista brings over the steel ring entrance ladder and ruthlessly slams HBK onto it. The Animal lifts Michaels back onto the stretcher and easily wins. Michaels went through a lot of pain in this one.

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Result: Beth Phoenix almost cracks Melina in half and she submits
Match Grade: C-. Just not my cup of tea.

Commentary:
Admittedly I used this women’s match to use the restroom. Now I’m back although I did hear A LOT of screaming from the other room. The Glamazon had Melina in a debilitating back breaker but sadly couldn’t close the deal.

Why must they both scream so much? Please please make them stop. I get it, they’re supposed to be in pain but it’s just so unattractive. Phoenix lands an impressive front face body slam and now has Melina in a hold that really shows off her flexibility. Melina can’t maintain the Phoenix-enforced yoga pose and submits.

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

Result: Cena wins after JBL spits up some “blood”
Match Grade: C. Boring, long, and anti-climatic. Not as bad as their Judgment Day fight but not much better. Let’s hope these two never ever fight again. The fun was a lot too sporadic for my tastes.

Commentary:
We’ve already had blood so we’re about to go 2 for 3 tonight in plasmability. Cena’s already dismantles a turnbuckle. Now they start swinging in the middle of the ring. Knuck if you buck indeed.

They’ve been scrapping outside the ring for a while and this one so far is about as boring as their Judgment Day bout. These two don’t bring out the best in one another. Methinks JBL has a blade in his extra thick knuckle tape tonight.

There’s a whole lot of punching and not a lot of wrestling. JBL Brings out a metal chair and lines up Cena head against the ring post. Luckily John eludes the crushing blow. JBL now has a WWE microphone with which to open up a cut. I think there’s some irony there given JBL’s propensity to talk and talk and talk.

JBL now has the steel ring entrance stairs. Are they going to cause another cut? Not likely. JBL’s not as strong as the Big Show and can’t bear to carry it any further. Cena’s got the mic now but can’t manage to make JBL bleed. His next effort is to rub Bradshaw’s face back and forth against the steel which is quite silly given the steel’s sharp edges. Oh well.

Next up for blood exposure potential is the exposed turnbuckle. Cena hits it heard but his skin is impervious. JBL now has a thick powerful chain and the end timer on this match is thankfully near. Cena gets hit in the stomach with the chain and JR aptly wonders if John has some internal bleeding. How would the ref ever know?

Now Cena’s tied up in the ropes and in some serious danger. JBL’s got an Indiana Jones bullwhip. Uh oh. One crack of that and its over. Cena gets out of the ropes, grabs the chain and proceeds to choke JBL assassin style. Bradshaw spits up some blood and it’s over. That was obviously a blood capsule and sort of a let down given last match’s Type O gushing.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

The madness begins!

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Result: Hardy wins by pin in a crazy match.
Match Grade: B. Entertaining but a little too weird for my tastes. Why couldn’t they have been in the arena? Was it filmed before?

Commentary:
They’re fighting in the aisles! At one point Jeff Hardy rail slides down the arena’s guard rail and pounds Umaga when he reaches the bottom. Why aren’t people leaving their seats? No one is working harder then the referee trying to follow them They are now in the parking lot. Jeff Hardy is being slammed into everything metal including tractor trailers!

Umaga is draped in yellow tape. Hardy looks like the Green Goblin. Hardy is now climbing on top of a Shawn Michaels billboard/truck but Umaga is on his heels.

Hardy kicks him off and then does a Swanton Bomb from an absurd height, something like 40 feet off the billboard/truck. The view is obscured so hopefully Jeff jumped onto a mat, stunt man style.

When he goes for the pin the camera swings back. Umaga is knocked cold and Hardy easily pins him before the medics are called. If there was no safety mat then the EMTs might need called in. Seriously.

Image details: Warning Sticks served by picapp.com

MATCH #2
Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk

Result: Big Show pins Tommy Dreamer
Match Grade: B+. Entertaining if not confusing and almost too action filled. Big Show might have been totally dominant but we all knew that was coming. Nevertheless this match had an elite pro footballer who definitely looked game and plenty of blood. BTW Shawne Merriman, you could have a lucrative post-football career in the WWE.

Commentary:
With six competitors, the intro to this match is taking forever. It’s a free for all already with Big Show taking control in the center.

Oh my the four Singapore canes are now in play and they’re ganging up on the Big Show. Chavo Guerrero makes a mistake and hits San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman with the cane. Merriman is angry and demanding the cane to do some damage.

He clocks Chavo something good. Action Action Action! The Miz enters the area and Big Show threatens to hit him with the ring’s entrance stage. Morrison saves his partner at the last minute but in the effort Big Show drops the steel stage on his head and opens up a huge gash. Blood blood blood.

Big Show goes loco on Bam Neely pulling cane after cane out of the cane depository which seems to be a metal trash can. Of course. He’s now brought the entire garbage can into the ring and seems overcome by violence.

Our suggestion to the unfortunate five: get out of the blooded Big Show’s way! And they have leaving Tommy Dreamer alone. Big Show pins him, wipes some blood over his face, and smiles triumphantly.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE One Night Stand Live Blog: Hardy, Umaga, and the Singapore Cane