WWE SmackDown Results and Commentary

The Big Show def. Domino
Edge and Mick Foley talk about desire and the future

1. Big Show makes short work of Domino. Umaga comes out. I yell “Welcome home to Pennsy Umaga…now go back to Allentown!” My genealogical accuracy might be off but my endurance is beginning to wane. We’ve been here since 7:00 p.m. and it’s now almost 11:00 p.m. I’m a lot more tired than I expected.

2. Let’s just say Edge’s introspection is compelling as is his drawn out dialouge with Mick Foley. But we wanted a main event! We wanted wrestling! And if not we wanted to see the Undertaker. That’s why we chanted “UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap, UN-der-TAK-er, clap clap clap-clap-clap.” We wanted to see the Undead Superstar more than we wanted to see Edge’s angst. Heck, we would have even settled for Paul Bearer. It didn’t happen.

I’m not saying Mick Foley wasn’t great. He was. But the entire Hershey, Pa. Giant Center crowd left disappointed. We did too.

That’s right. Mr. and Mrs. Jabandgrapple attended the mega-spectacular show last night and it was just as amazing and fun and we could have imagined. The action began at 7:30 p.m. and didn’t stop until a little after 11:00 p.m. It was exhausting…and we weren’t even wrestling!

We’re not going to tell you who wrestled and who won on SmackDown. No spoilers here. Will tell a short story instead. When we entered the parking lot the cashier asked us “You here for the wrestling?” “Um, yeah,” we answered. “So are you Triple H or Undertaker fans?” Mr. JandG roared back “Taker, of course! Let’s hope he shows up tonight!” Alas, he didn’t. And neither did Triple H. So that was a little disappointing but we got over it.

Which matches won’t you see at home? There were only two. In the ECW Dark Match that opened the show perennial loser Funaki squared off against Nic Nemeth. Funaki got lots of love from the crowd and in return he was gracious and thankful. The match consisted of many awkward stops and bows, lots of toss slams, and, and… I’ll admit it was hard to concentrate on the match given Nemeth’s ridiculous hair cut. It looked like a black cat had adhered itself to the back of his blonde head. As the match progressed the the cat reproduction got mussed around and seemed to move.

Funaki actually won this match and sprinted out of the ring in pure ecstasy. After Nemeth’s loss he was heartlessly booed and taunted. We think it was because of the hair.

The other Dark Match ended the night’s festivities and it really wasn’t much of a match at all. After Edge’s climactic final SmackDown scene (which involved tables, ladders, and chairs!) he was forced back out to the ring by an angry and vengeful Vickie Guerrero. This was her only appearance of the night and I don’t think she’ll even be on Friday’s show.

Vickie told him that he had to fight a no-DQ match against The Big Show. That sounded great to us but clearly not to Edge. Big Show did some of his in-ring slappiness on Edge’s sternum and then the Rated R Superstar sprinted back to the entrance area and left. Big Show chased him down and brought him back but Edge ran away again. This time for good. Big Show stayed, signed some autographs, hugged some kids, and was his typical cuddly self.

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 7/27/08

Every week WWE.com rates their wrestlers. Which got me to thinking…I have a wrestling blog. Why can’t I rate them? So I did. And I will try to every Monday morning in preparation the next week of grappling fun.

Don’t go searching for the “last week” ratings that I refer to. I didn’t post them, they only existed in my mind.

Rankings

1. Triple H (LW: 1)
I might not like HHH but you can’t deny his championship clout. He hasn’t lost in ages, his mic skills are still impeccable, and he is about to welcome a little baby into the world.

2. Y2J (LW: 2)
Right now Y2J is the lead dog in my favorite WWE storyline/feud. Heck, he’s even made Lance Cade interesting. Jericho’s weekly taunts of the arena crowds keep getting better and his veteran wrestling skills are always fun to watch.

3. Batista (LW: 3)
Sure he didn’t take the title from CM Punk but he hasn’t lost to him in a televised bout either. Batista has brought a great energy to RAW and his possible upcoming feud with John Cena has us excited.

4. CM Punk (LW: 6)
The Straight Edge Superstar is growing on us. He may not be winning but he isn’t losing either. His confidence is building and every week he gets more comfortable with the WWE Belt and with the crowds. This rating is bound to go up once he pins a fellow top tier superstar.

5. Edge (LW: 4)
It was a bad week for Edge. He spent the entire SmackDown show trying to live down his poorly timed dalliance with Alicia Fox a/k/a The Wedding Planner and then he wife (or is it ex-wife) reinstated his arch-rival The Undertaker.

6. John Cena (LW: 9)
Cena fell last week in the rankings after his ignominious pin by JBL in what was the worst match at the Great American Bash. But good old John stepped in up on Monday when he lifted both DiBiase and Rhodes over his head AT THE SAME TIME and then hugged his proud father. And later in the night he accidentally punched Batista and may have started a feud between two titans. Great week.

7. Matt Hardy (LW: NR)
Matt actually wrestled last week unlike his similarly initialed ECW cohort Mark Henry. So he earns this rank. And what a match it was, a pay-per-view quality Fatal Four Way where he triumphed over three good wrestlers: Miz, Morrison, and Finlay.

8. Undertaker (LW: NR)
He’s coming back! Need I say more.

9. Kane (LW: 5)
Two weeks ago we were intrigued by the burlap bag and the bonkers attitude. Now that that storyline has gone nowhere we’re a little bored.

10. The Great Khali (LW: NR)
I don’t want to include this big Punjabi stiff in this list but he did beat Mr. Kennedy, M.V.P., Umaga, Jeff Hardy, and Big Show in a Battle Royale to earn this spot and a SummerSlam match against Triple H.

Dropping Out: Shawn Michaels (LW: 7); Big Show (LW : 8); Kofi Kingston (LW; 10)

Reason #8162 why we love the Internet: we get to read what exactly our sporting heroes think; their words unfiltered by pesky opinionated journalists. That’s right, we’re talking about personal blogs and myspace accounts. Today we’ve been blessed with personal gems from two of www.jabandgrabble.com’s favorite WWE wrestlers: Kofi Kingston and Matt Hardy. The posts talk about their current adventures on the WWE’s tour of Oceania.

Kofi Kingston’s blog entry on wwe.com tells us about the warm greeting he and the WWE superstars received upon landing in New Zealand and his interaction with Kiwi (see picture) pro wrestling legends Bushwacker Butch and Tony Garea. His tales of performance despite extreme jet lag make you realize how ragged WWE wrestlers’ schedules really are.

Matt Hardy also blogs on his myspace page, www.myspace.com/theonlymatthardy, about the difficulties of finding sleep after pan-Pacific travel. He also reveals another gem: “Tonight (at the Christchurch, NZ show), myself, Batista, and the Undertaker beat Edge, MVP, and Mark Henry in the main event-yeah boy!”

That’s right. The Undertaker WWE-ban must not include New Zealand! This is good news for WWE fans everywhere and a sign that The Undertaker’s removal might not be as permanent as we feared.

Image details: Man with arm in sling and ice pack on head served by picapp.com

I’m not going to get into the whole fixed NBA, fake injuries, scripted events thing again but Paul Pierce’s acting last night left a lot to be desired. Let’s just leave it at that. Over in the WWE, however, a rash of post-One Night Stand PPV injuries could be placing the Sports Entertainment product at a bit of a crossroads.

At One Night Stand WWE’s number one SmackDown star Undertaker lost to Edge and was banished from the WWE. The word on the streets is that Undertaker was suffering from some nagging injuries and needed some time off an understandable fate in the rigorous marathon working environment of pro wrestling.

Randy Orton, arguably RAW’s number one star, suffered a much more dramatic injury as he broke his collarbone after being tossed out of the ring. He is gone for at least three months. And as the WWE pictures show and as you’ll see tonight on SmackDown the Big Show’s eye is in a bad way. The larger-than-life star possibly suffered a broken eye orbital bone after dropping the steel ring stairs on his head during his One Night Stand Singapore Cane match.

So in the course of a weekend the WWE lost three huge stars, two unexpectedly, to bodily trauma. Before One Night Stand there was a lot of harping around the internet about how the WWE pay-per-views have suffered from too many rematches and retreads, not enough newcomers, and general stagnancy.

These injuries could give the WWE a chance to test out up-and-comers, give ignored wrestlers a chance, and groom others for stardom. Someone needs to fill the void, right?

Or we could just get John Cena vs. Triple H again. That’s what’s happening, you say? Oh well.

What do you think? Which up-and-coming wrestler do you want to see get a title shot? Comment below. Your opinion is just as good as mine.

Yesterday I made some bold predictions. Let’s see how I did.

PREDICTIONS:

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Most predictors around the world wide web had Umaga winning this one but I wasn’t so sure. I thought the anything goes style favored the quick and unpredictable Hardy rather than the brutish plodding force of Umaga. As it turned out I was right. The match seemed more like a Bam Margera video than a wrestling match and spent very little time in the ring itself. The out-of-shape Umaga must have felt winded running all over the San Diego Sports Arena aisles and parking lot.

I’ve been to the Sports Arena before and know that there’s are restaurants directly across the street including Phil’s BBQ and a Red Lobster. It would have been very easy for Umaga to get distracted. I win here.

Running Score: 1 for 1

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WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

MATCH #7
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. The Undertaker

Result: Edge wins with ample help from La Familia and Taker is gone.
Match Grade: A-. Great match. Can’t believe that Taker lost. How could the WWE’s #1 superstar be leaving?

Commentary: If The Undertaker loses he’s gone from the WWE. So there’s no way he’s losing…right? Edge is coming out and looks scared, which isn’t the right attitude we think.

Question: What’s the chance of Taker using a Gogoplata choke hold on Edge?
Answer: One million percent.

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Click F5 or hit refresh AND SCROLL DOWN for live results as they occur.

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

RESULTS

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Result: Triple H wins with a sledgehammer (yes) hit.
Match Grade: B+. Good match which ended early presumably because of a real injury to Orton. The announcing team is saying a broken collarbone and we have no reason to disagree.

Commentary:
Is this match ever going to start? Finally, after an eternity of intros the bell has rung and HHH gets to work quickly slamming Orton into seemingly everything that surrounds the ring: the gate, the announcer’s table, and of course the steel staircase. So far this match has been very one-sided but Orton brings things closer with a terrific drop kick off the ropes.

His advantage doesn’t last as HHH easily tosses him outside the ring and looks ready to reintroduce Orton to the ECW announcer’s table. It doesn’t happen as Orton painfully DDTs HHH’s face into the ringside floor from on top of the table.

Orton is now lifting the padding from the ringside floor. This is so 1982. Cement exposed but no one is taking advantage of it just yet. They’re back in the ring and Orton begins his predictable stomp-o-rama. Guess what’s in the ring now?

It’s the steel stair steps which Orton lifts over his head and tosses into HHH’s face. Hunter gets up but not before Orton brings an extension cord into the ring! He’s choking the lights out of HHH but just not enough to ensure a submission. Another 8 count. Orton looks to finish him off with an RKO but gets tossed out of the ring and, if he hit the steel stairs, might have hurt himself.

He’s holding his collarbone as if it were broken and it just might be. HHH now has a sledgehammer which he connects with. Orton is done and the medics are out. This injury might be real. As he leaves the ringside Orton snarls at a taunting fan and looks like he’s going to snap. We love him even more.

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Result: Batista wins convincingly.
Match Grade: A-. Really great match between two top-notch professionals. At the end of the match Michaels received a lot of unnecessary punishment and it will be interesting to see what happens between him and Chris Jericho; whether he thanks him for his care and assistance or resents his ridiculous interference.

Commentary:
The spoilers have suggested a winner here. But I won’t do any spoiling myself.

Batista is cleverly utilizing the stretcher to his advantage slamming the HBK into its exposed top. Michaels hit the Animal with a good kick to the head and them dismantles the ring entrance ramp (which is getting a lot of action tonight). HBK then rams Batista with the stretcher. Good thinking Shawn!

Batista lines up the Batista Bomb outside the ring but Michaels is able to get out of it and manages to get the Animal onto the stretcher. Batista seems out and Michaels is nearing the finish line just as the Animal awakes and does some pounding of his own.

I audibly groan as Batista slams HBK’s band into the side of the ring. Batista looks in control and Michaels is reeling. After one shot he seems to do a full 360-degree turn. After a powerful body slam Batista is lining up HBK for the kill but the wily Michaels is able to dodge the juggernaut who tams himself into the ring post.

Michaels is gradually regaining his energy and looks to put his adversary away with a high-flying elbow drop off the top rope. He’s successful but looks to have done some damage to his problematic back.

The Animal has Michaels in what looks to be, heavens no, a Batista Bomb over the top rope. Michaels gets away and Sweet Chin Music’s Batista onto a stretcher. The Animal is out but maintains a grip on the apron. He doesn’t want to lose and rolls himself off the stretcher.

We wonder how many stretchers are at ringside (maybe 5) as Michaels repeatedly rams one into Batista’s stomach. The Animal counters by flipping up the stretcher into Michael’s face. We can’t believe HBK’s lip isn’t bloodied at this point. Batista continues his dominance and is finally able to land a Batista bomb in the center of the ring. Problem is now he has to drag the HBK onto a stretcher. Does Shawn have time to resuscitate? It seems as Chris Jericho intervenes and stops Batista from rolling Michaels out.

As Y2J leaves Batista pulls Michaels into the ring to inflict more punishment. Michaels looks destitute. Heavens to Betsy, another Batista Bomb landed! This has to be it. But Y2J reappears. He’s put himself in between the stretcher and the finish line and is trying to spur Michaels on.

But he seems to be hurting Michaels more than he’s helping him. Batista brings over the steel ring entrance ladder and ruthlessly slams HBK onto it. The Animal lifts Michaels back onto the stretcher and easily wins. Michaels went through a lot of pain in this one.

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Result: Beth Phoenix almost cracks Melina in half and she submits
Match Grade: C-. Just not my cup of tea.

Commentary:
Admittedly I used this women’s match to use the restroom. Now I’m back although I did hear A LOT of screaming from the other room. The Glamazon had Melina in a debilitating back breaker but sadly couldn’t close the deal.

Why must they both scream so much? Please please make them stop. I get it, they’re supposed to be in pain but it’s just so unattractive. Phoenix lands an impressive front face body slam and now has Melina in a hold that really shows off her flexibility. Melina can’t maintain the Phoenix-enforced yoga pose and submits.

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

Result: Cena wins after JBL spits up some “blood”
Match Grade: C. Boring, long, and anti-climatic. Not as bad as their Judgment Day fight but not much better. Let’s hope these two never ever fight again. The fun was a lot too sporadic for my tastes.

Commentary:
We’ve already had blood so we’re about to go 2 for 3 tonight in plasmability. Cena’s already dismantles a turnbuckle. Now they start swinging in the middle of the ring. Knuck if you buck indeed.

They’ve been scrapping outside the ring for a while and this one so far is about as boring as their Judgment Day bout. These two don’t bring out the best in one another. Methinks JBL has a blade in his extra thick knuckle tape tonight.

There’s a whole lot of punching and not a lot of wrestling. JBL Brings out a metal chair and lines up Cena head against the ring post. Luckily John eludes the crushing blow. JBL now has a WWE microphone with which to open up a cut. I think there’s some irony there given JBL’s propensity to talk and talk and talk.

JBL now has the steel ring entrance stairs. Are they going to cause another cut? Not likely. JBL’s not as strong as the Big Show and can’t bear to carry it any further. Cena’s got the mic now but can’t manage to make JBL bleed. His next effort is to rub Bradshaw’s face back and forth against the steel which is quite silly given the steel’s sharp edges. Oh well.

Next up for blood exposure potential is the exposed turnbuckle. Cena hits it heard but his skin is impervious. JBL now has a thick powerful chain and the end timer on this match is thankfully near. Cena gets hit in the stomach with the chain and JR aptly wonders if John has some internal bleeding. How would the ref ever know?

Now Cena’s tied up in the ropes and in some serious danger. JBL’s got an Indiana Jones bullwhip. Uh oh. One crack of that and its over. Cena gets out of the ropes, grabs the chain and proceeds to choke JBL assassin style. Bradshaw spits up some blood and it’s over. That was obviously a blood capsule and sort of a let down given last match’s Type O gushing.

Here they are. Let’s see how I do:

PREDICTIONS:
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite

Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

Image details: Feast Of San Gennaro Opening Night Event served by picapp.com

In case you missed it, this Baltimore Sun Ring Posts blog interview with all-time pro wrestling great Bruno Sammartino is essential reading, especially for the young fans who might not remember the historic wrestling greats.

Sammartino is Mickey Mantle, he’s Willie Mays, he’s Al Kaline. He’s a throwback to the golden age of a sport before it became a money making extravaganza. Personally, I never enjoyed his 1980’s matches because I was always told about how great he was and he just seemed like a grumpy old man whose time had left him behind and who should have left ages ago. Sort of like how Ric Flair looked a few months ago.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t take away the importance of his historic role. So read up kids, the wrestling world didn’t begin with Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker.