Writing Partner

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Reply to: lame@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-03-03, 1:31PM PST
In search of a writing partner to collaborate a children’s book with. This book will be about 3 dogs that become fast friends. They then turn into the town’s heroes because they seem to be helping so many people, as well as animals. This will be a picture book, and will be about 40 pages long. The focus will be 6-8 year olds. I already have the title, as well as an outline for the book. I’d just like to partner up with somebody to further the writing process. Two heads are always better than one. Everything will be split 50/50. After selecting a partner, a contract will need to be signed. This contract will ensure the selected writer of their 50%.
Illustration experience not necessary.
If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, please reply. Please send a doubled-spaced sample (1-2 pages) regarding the above subject matter (dog heroes). This will NOT be a part of the book. I’m just looking for creativity. I’ll keep looking for a partner until I read something that really catches my eye, so the earlier you get your submission in, the better. You can live anywhere (must be in United States). We will work on this via telephone and internet.
Thanks!
Leona
P.S. Anyone that sends in a submission that doesn’t focus on the above subject matter (dog friends rescuing people and animals), your submission will be discarded. I’m looking for a writer that can write creatively about dogs…and it would be hard to select a partner if they sent in an submission relating to parenting, dating, etc.

• Location: Anywhere
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: EVERYTHING will be split 50/50

I had a lot to say about this one. Mostly about the nerve of her for wanting someone else to do all the work and receive 50% of …welll…nothing. And also about all the writing samples she’s looking for to get ideas to steal…But then I came across this brilliant pieces of spoofery and really, what else needs to be said?

Writing Partner for dog book

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Reply to: fool@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-03-03, 4:44PM PST
Hi, I’m an illiterate person who has an idea for a book about dogs. I believe it’s a great idea, but then I’m not in the literary business and really wouldn’t have any kind of professional expertise. But in my own little world I believe it’s the best idea since sliced bread!
So here’s the deal. We sit somewhere and I tell you my dog ideas. You bring your laptop and make my brilliant idea into a book. We’ll probably have to meet for anywhere from 90 to 120 hours. You must be an excellent writer with major credits. The pay is simple. We split everything 50/50. And if we never sell the thing, you get nothing. In essence, there is no pay. Except for maybe you get the pleasure of my company for 90 to 120 hours. But, think of the advantages for both of us. I get to actually live my pipedream and will have a real draft of a book that will never be published and I can tell all of my friends that I’m a writer! I’ll get a lot of mileage out of that. You get to tell all of your friends that you’re collaberating with someone that says they have a great idea for a dog book. All of your friends will be jealous!
And finally, here’s the really great part. If interested, send me 2 pages of your creative ideas. In other words, you’ll have to work for free just to get my attention! And then if I hire you, you get to continue to work for free! What a deal! I’ll review all of them and select the best partner for “me.”. After all, this is all about “me.”

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

Brilliant.

Post from: EveryJoe

Writing Partner Wanted to Do All the Work

But I’ll make an exception for the person who wins this gig:

ISO A Woman To Collaborate On Female Supremacy Writings

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Reply to: help@aol.com
Date: 2008-02-29, 8:40AM EST
I am an advanced degree professional, male, divorced and age 58 and I am a very passionate believer in Female Supremacy and true and real male servitude/slavery to Women (I am serious); I seek a Woman who shares that philosophy to collaborate with and write short stories and perhaps a full length novel (may or may not be erotic); pay open and negotiable;

• Location: Maryland
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Pay open and negotiable;

Dude is all for female superiority and yet is divorced. The mind boggles. Probably he was spending all his time writing dominatix porn.

Image via Stock Xchnge

Post from: EveryJoe

Not Too Many Things Scare Me….

Read those ads carefully, folks.

Post from: EveryJoe

Craigslist Painting

GIFTED WRITER NEEDED TO STEAL STORY…

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Reply to:nothanks@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-24, 11:11AM PST
It’s up for grabs – “The Britney Spears Survival Guide,” which is one-part self help & one-part humor (all metaphor) and instructs the reader how to succeed in a successful position in the guise of a self-help book for a struggling Pop Diva – It’s yours…make me proud!

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

This begs several questions:

1. Do we feel Britney needs a guide to survive, and if so, are we going to provide someone to help her with the big words?
2. Do we really think there are people who want to survive like Britney Spears?
3. Do we really care if Britney survives?

Thanks, but I think I found my calling critiquing lame Craigslist ads for the two people who stop by here every day. I’m sure you’ll receive hundreds of email from people who want to learn more. The world is obsessed with a disgraced, bi-polar former pop princess. Unfortunately your idea should do well.

Post from: EveryJoe

How About a Guide to Making Britney Spears Go Away?

Post from: EveryJoe

Craigslist: It Doesn’t Reject Anybody

Hmmm….

Adjunct Professor Seeking Female Research Assistant

You: attractive, motivated undergraduate or graduate student who is available 1-3 hours per week. You should be located in Center City and available before 4pm weekdays.

Me: young assistant professor affiliated with local institution; in need of research assistant for ongoing project.

Details upon your reply.
Serious replies only, please.

Do you think the research assistant’s sex and appearance have anything to do with the research? Me neither. Who do you think is the bigger loser, the dirtbag who placed the ad or the airhead who will respond?

Creep.

Post from: EveryJoe

What Do You Suppose They’re Researching?

We’ve seen it all here at the Craigslist Curmudgeon. Ads offering to pay in lash extensions, credentials, donuts and now even Botox.

Beauty Writer Needed Tonight Freebies included (sausalito)

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Reply to: withheld

Date: 2008-01-30, 11:46AM PST
Complexion Clinics Medical Spa is in need of a female writer age 45+ to do a story tonight about a Charity Event we are having. This person would get free botox, restylane and photofacial along with a makeover. Please respond by email before 3pm

• it’s ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

Now you too can look expressionless and fake…for free! You’ll have to write about your experiences, if you still have any feeling left in your fingers, but that’s a small price to pay for the ability to not be able to crack a smile or move your eyebrows for the next few months.

Post from: EveryJoe

Will Write for Botox

Here’s a fellow who doesn’t believe in wasting:

Free green tea

Date: 2007-12-07, 10:59AM PST

I am offering – for free – about five ounces of loose leaf green tea from the Tea Zone, of the variety called "High Mountain Green." I’m not going to lie. The reason I’m giving this away is because it’s disgusting. To me and to everyone in my office. But you never know, you might be different. You might like it. I’m sitting in my office and wondering how I can possibly rid myself of this without going against everything I’ve ever been taught and just throwing it away. The answer is craigslist. Please: come to my office and take this green tea. It is a burden on my desk and a blight on my cubicle, and I can’t stop drinking it because I bought it and it is here. But I don’t want to ever choke down another sip of this tea again.

The deal is that you come and take this tea, no questions asked. No taste tests…I’m not serving out mugs of tea during my workday. Just take it. If you hate it you have several options:

–post an ad on craigslist. This can be the bag of tea that circulates throughout the Pearl District via craigslist.
–How about regifting it to a co-worker you hate for Christmas?
–This tea might make good compost
–Free confetti
–Potpourri
–Throw it at yuppies who don’t thank you for holding open doors or complimenting their $2000 dogs
–Make Jameson Square Park’s fountain a tea fountain
I don’t care what you do with it. Be creative! Just relieve me of it.

• Location: Pearl District
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Really, he makes it sound so appealing I don’t know anyone who can possibly refuse. Disgusting free tea? No one in the office will touch it? Free? Bet he gets over a dozen takers. The High Mountain Green Tea Company should hire him as spokesman.

Post from: EveryJoe

7 Uses for Green Tea

Here’s your chance to take home one of the Boys from Liverpool.

Large Glass Jar (possibly containing a ghost)

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Date: 2007-12-09, 11:18PM EST
I picked up this Jar at my uncles estate sale. It’s believed to contain a ghost! possibly of George Harrison. If you’re in to ghosts and other super natural phenomenon, or are a Beatles fan, this is the item for you.

Really, I’d prefer to have John Lennon sitting on my mantle, but I’m willing to settle for George Harrison if the price is right. I’ll pay extra if it sings "Here Comes the Sun" each morning.

Post from: EveryJoe

Calling All Beatles Fans!

How much you want to bet this guys had a bunch of druggies show up at his front door with their rolled up dollar bills?

Free BLOW!!

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Date: 2007-12-11, 12:26PM MST
Here’s the thing, I’m trying to clean up my life, but I’ve got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.

We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I’ve got a serious problem.

The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it’s all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There’s just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I’m terrified that the cops will come at any minute.

I mean, this stuff is thick, we’re talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street.

So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There’s a lot of this and I don’t want any left behind.

First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well.

Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won’t last long. (And I’m worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).

See? You really can find anything on Craigslist.

Post from: EveryJoe

The Party’s Right Here, Folks