Giant Weekend Underway

Just look at this slate of games! It’s insanity. (Of course, as an American with a crappy cable service the only one I can actually WATCH is the Juve game. For the others I like to read text feeds and hire people to stand around me cheering and drinking beer. You should try it – it’s just like being at Parkhead.)

•Celtic/Rangers: always an insanely intense affair (despite the fact that it seems to happen about 30 times every season), this one’s got Alex McLeish’s job riding on it. Though the chairman has promised him three games to sort things out, it’s almost impossible to believe that a bad loss wouldn’t have him out the door. Talk about pressure.

•Real/Barca: God I wish I could watch this one. Rivalry aside, these teams are just so damn good that watching them play one another is like…I don’t know, gorging yourself on chocolate, or something (assuming, you know, that you like chocolate). I’m a bit cynical about Real and their reputation – they get so much praise even when they’re very average – but they’re playing well now, and Barca are just magic to watch. It’s almost disgusting how skilled that team is.

•Juve/Roma: Obviously, because Italian fans are completely insane, all games between big teams there are outrageously intense. It’s just awesome – even watching a tv broadcast in a language I don’t understand (except for “campo”), it’s hard to miss the flares and banners and singing (which is surely very rude). All of which, incidentally, means that part of me wants to go to the San Siro for the Milan derby more than almost anything in the world. Of course, the other part is just really frightened by the mere thought. Anyway, Totti’s been talking smack about Capello for more than a week, which means the game will be even more unhinged than usual. It also means that Totti will have a massive game and that Roma will win 4-1. At least, I hope that’s what it means.

•Aberdeen/Hearts: Graham Rix finally gets to actually manage a game and put himself in a position to actually get criticized for not doing his job rather than screwing up off the pitch. Sweet.

•Newcastle/Chelsea: Alright, it’s not a big game for anyone aside from us stupid Newcastle fans. We’re going to play the best team in the country after they’ve had a bit of a dip in form. And without Shearer. Or Steven Taylor. Or Kieron Dyer. Or Stephen Carr. You get the idea. I’m just praying that we can maintain some shred of dignity.