No this little bit is actually pretty funny and well written. I tried to do some searches to look for the original author, but didn’t have any confirmed success. If you know who originally wrote this, please let me know, I want to give credit where credit is due.

Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science: (Gv)

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.  The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. 

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. 

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. 

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Okay, now that we’ve lightened up your Weekly Wednesday Hump Day, go and be productive in your cubicle!

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I’ve featured a couple of Tim Hawkins videos on here before. He could be one of my favorite new comedians in quite awhile. In this video he shares about his experience performing as a young child.

Tim’s facial expressions are priceless and really sell his jokes. Visit his website at www.timhawkins.net and see if he’ll be coming to a town near you soon. I know he’ll be in Fishkill, NY. That’s just funny by itself, whether he’ll be there or not.

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In the spirit of sites like The People of Wal-mart, I’m surprised there’s not more sites devoted to sharing both great and horrible examples of Christmas decorating for the holidays.

Perhaps even an iPhone app to automatically plot the GPS coordinates of the houses in your area marked with a "wattage" for impressiveness. SHOOT! Now why don’t I know how to develop and build iPhone apps?

If you’ve got good photos to share, send us the link in the comments. We’d love to see them!

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Now the ElfYourself website is back and it’s powered by that folks at JibJab.com who know a thing or two about making funny, custom videos for sharing around the web.

The ElfYourself website and JibJab allow you to upload your own photos to their servers and mash them up against canned video sequences where they replace the face on the characters with your face and the faces of your friends.

They’ve also improved the editing capabilities after you upload your photos so you can really tweak and tune your image and adjust it as necessary. One of the more challenging tasks was getting the mouth movement right, and JibJab has improved how you can control that animation as it appears on your video card.

The ElfYourself website has also proven you’re really not paying attention these days if you’re not integrated into Facebook somehow. Now you can login via Facebook, grab photos from your Facebook albums and of course post your videos straight to your Facebook wall too.

When you make your own ElfYourself video, be sure and post a link to it in our comments section so we can all enjoy your handiwork.

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The first sound you always need in your arsenal is the sound you use when you somebody does something stupid or silly or makes the wrong choice. You’ll know it as soon as you hear it, and all you need to do is visit www.sadtrombone.com and just press the big, orange "play!" button.

The other website you need in your back pocket is going to be used when someone makes a funny comment or hits the nail on the head. It’s the classic rimshot sound on a drum set. It’s the sound you hear after a well timed and executed joke or witty remark.

Just send your browser over to www.instantrimshot.com and you’ll get what you need. Press the big, red button and you’ve got your sound effect.

Two great sounds. Two great websites dedicated to them. You can’t get much more specific than that!

Uncover www.sadtrombone.com and www.instantrimshot.com and you’re there!

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Here’s a scene from this past week’s episode where one of the characters plays a clown for his nephew’s birthday party. In this scene he deals a little clown intimidation to a jerk at a gas station.

If you want to see more great scenes like that, just watch Modern Family on ABC on Wednesday nights.

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This was one of those videos I waited for about 5 hours to download back in the mid-90’s when I first heard about it. It was hilarious then, but just shows how far along we’ve come with video on the web.

Hat tip to prebynski for sharing and reminding me

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If you’re not familiar with what happens, you upload a picture of yourself and some friends and embed their images on some dancing, animated characters on the card. They usually dance and sing and it’s all around a good time to be had by all.

When you watch these cards, you can’t help but bring a little smile to yourself because let’s face it. Anything dancing, dressed up in Christmas cheer and a face that looks like you or your friends has got to be funny! If you disagree, well Bah-Humbug to YOU Mr. Scrooge!

One of its latest cards is Christmas With The Stars. Appropriately imitating and spoofing Hollywood icons and legends, this animated card allows you to transform you and your friends into dancing celebrities such as Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and Bob Marley.

Another is the techno-inspired Dancing Christmas Toys. This card is set up in a Santa’s workshop where familiar entertainment figures are showcased and spoofed. The user will get the chance to be Captain Jack Sparrow, Betty Boop, Wonder Woman, Spiderman or Anakin Skywalker after uploading his/her photo.

Last one is the Wild West Christmas. Having the Great Plains as a backdrop, the user can have a lot fun having his/her headshot placed on dancing cowboy or cowgirl to the tune of a very funky music.

How can you go wrong with a line-up like that? So go on! Get moving and start bringing some holiday cheer to your friends! It’s all waiting to be uncovered and delivered at CardFunk.com

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The truu confessions website, currently in beta, lets you share stuff anonymously. If you told somebody you knew, and it was a secret, it probably wouldn’t be a secret for long. Chances are the person you’d share with would know the people you’re talking about, then they’d feel the need to share it someone and eventually it would get back to the original person.

No good usually comes from spreading rumors and gossip (so why do we do it?) but if don’t share details with someone that has any clue of who you’re talking about, it’s all good right?

The truu confessions website lets people share that little secret they need to get rid of and you could fit it into one of the following categories on their site: Single, Bride, Wife, Mom, Body, Office, and Military Wives. Is there an obvious reason why “Husbands” is missing?

So, go feel better, get it off your chest and share it with the world, anonymously on the truu confessions website. After all, nobody really cares anyway do they?

Uncover secrets at truu confessions website

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Hat tip to Eric Clark on twitter for sharing this video.

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