Get ready, folks, because Apple is fueling up the hype train for its latest creation: the Apple Watch. This “innovative” product, which retails for anywhere between $349 for the most basic model to $17,000 for the elite version, allows you to proudly wield the miracle of smartphone technology on your wrist.
Here are five reasons why you should steer clear of the Apple Watch, unless you fancy another helping of that Apple Kool-Aid.
The battery life sucks. Apple has made the battery issue sound like it’s no big deal, but that’s ludicrous. Under heavy usage, the battery lasts only THREE hours! Even under “normal” usage, Apple is claiming 18 hours. But, if you think about it, that’s simply not long enough. Picture this scenario: You wake up a 7 AM to go to work. After work, you hit the club with your buddies. By 1 AM, the party is just getting good. Your Apple Watch, on the other hand (pun intended), is dead.
It’s too expensive for what it does. The absolute cheapest model of the Apple Watch will set you back $349. For that, you get… a mini iPhone that you can wear on your wrist. Oh, and you get to send little heartbeats and sketches to your friends, and you can track your fitness – except you can already do that with your smartphone, so there’s not really any reason to spend $349 unless you really can’t be bothered to dig your phone out of your pocket.
It’s too big. The Apple Watch might be a fraction of the size of your average smartphone, but it’s still a little too big. You can’t really fit it underneath the cuff of a dress shirt, so unless you’re Mark Zuckerberg and can pull off a hoodie at business meetings, or you’re just whipping it out for casual Friday, you might have problems incorporating the Apple Watch into your everyday work attire. As for wearing it out with friends, you probably don’t have a reason to need a clunky smartwatch strapped to your wrist, and you definitely don’t want to be the guy that has to stop and take off his accessories to do just about any physical activity.
You could be wearing a real watch. Picture a guy in a suit and tie wearing a nice Rolex. Now picture a guy with half of his cuff stuck in an Apple Watch, sending heartbeats and doodles to his friends. Which one do you want to be? A traditional watch adds character and personality to your look, and instantly makes any dude look like someone who knows what’s up. An Apple Watch makes you look like a desperate fanboy that waited in line overnight to hurl yourself onto the bandwagon.
There is no reason to own a smartwatch. Whether or not Apple is a good smartwatch, it doesn’t really matter because smartwatches are the solution to a problem that never existed. It’s hard to think of somebody that looked at their smartphone and decided, “Man, it would be so much better if I could shrink this thing down and wear it as a watch!” Pretty much everyone already has a device that does everything a smartwatch can do, so it’s pretty difficult to justify the expenditure for any other reason than Apple’s brainwashing claiming another victim.