Dear Democrats

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Fri, Nov 6 - 9:00 am EDT | 2 years ago by
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    Kiraspondence - Dear Democrats

    Dear Democrats:

    These are strange times. One of the most accomplished male athletes in history was just named Woman of the Year by Glamour magazine. A president who ran on extracting our troops once and for all from the Middle East just sent troops to the Middle East. The old Soviet Union, once defeated by the specter of American might and capitalism, has risen again and quickly on the way to becoming that same formidable foe. Kanye West is a “fashion” designer.

    And in 2016, the Democrat party is officially the party of old white people.

    What happened?

    You guys got the first black President. That should have really gotten you bragging rights for at least a few decades. Then the Tea Party came along with their guns and their Bibles and their insistence on keeping government out of their doctor’s offices; that was a slam dunk for your “Republicans are old, white, racists” strategy. It was so easy!

    I mean, these people could say ANYTHING and you could immediately label them racists.

    Mentioning basketball and Obama? RACIST

    Calling Obama lazy? RACIST

    A hurricane descends during the Republican National Convention? RAAAAACIST

    And Republicans fell for it every time. Is there anything more delightful to a Democrat than hearing a Republican official on national TV swear that some of his best friends are black? Watching a Republican drone on and on about the true history of the Democrat party and their birthing of the KKK is equally amusing. Democrats don’t even like history so they’re sure not interested in hearing the gory details of their own. They put their fingers in their ears and start humming and next thing you know they’ve managed to “Ben Affleck” all the dirty parts.

    Except now there’s a problem. It first started to appear in the wake of the Tea Party movement, as protests turned to organizing and political campaigns. Republicans were making history with minority candidates.

    Mia Love became the first black Republican woman elected to Congress and the first black American elected to Congress from the state of Utah.

    Tim Scott became the first black American from the South to be elected to the Senate since Reconstruction.

    Nikki Haley and Bobby Jindal (both Republicans) made history as the first Indian-American governors of their states.

    Kentucky just elected their first ever black lieutenant-governor, a Tea Party, grassroots candidate named Janeane Hampton.

    The current (way overcrowded) GOP presidential field doesn’t look anything at all like they way Bill Maher is always telling us it looks.

    Question: A Cuban-American, a woman, a black neurosurgeon and a Hispanic Canadian from Texas walk onto a debate stage together. Which one was the Republican?

    Answer: ALL OF THEM YOU RACIST.

    This does not fit the narrative. This is not how it’s supposed to be. The GOP is party of old white men. The Democrats are the party of diversity and tolerance. Now the GOP has the most diverse group of representatives at the local level and federal level. The Democrats have Bernie Sanders.

    This, my liberal friends, is what we call a conundrum? What to do? Do we reset the narrative? Perhaps Republicans are more misogynist. That #WarOnWomen thing seems to get a lot of mileage…but then there’s Carly Fiorina and when you compare her to a bunch of angry Code Pink femstapo dressed as giant vaginas and you start to wonder who is actually more hostile toward women.

    You could go with the whole “Republicans are homophobes” thing. That seems to work well a lot. All you have to do is get a Republican to say they have a personal opinion about how God sees marriage and voila! A real life homophobe! Of course, gay marriage is legal now so it doesn’t really hold the same outrage.

    Perhaps you can start labeling Republicans as animal-haters. After all, Mitt Romney famously admitted he drove with his dog on top of the car one time about 300 years ago. And Donald Trump looks like he killed an animal and put it on his head. That could be an easy sell, but I’m not sure it will win elections.

    I do have one last idea for you. It’s crazier than a Spanx party at the Kardashian house, but it just might work. You could try….

    …..running on the issues. The for-real issues, not the soundbites. You should run on your disdain for organized religion. They’re always making fun of Christians on Bill Maher and Saturday Night Live. Americans like that kind of stuff, right? Go ahead, remind everyone you literally booed God during your 2012 convention. That will win hearts and minds.

    Run on socialism. Just do it. Why hide? Bernie seems to be building a solid base of stoners and aging hippies. Those people vote in droves, don’t they? My hippie dad hasn’t voted in 40 years but I’m sure he’s just waiting for the right white person to explain socialism to him.

    Run on making America weaker. Just do it. You’ll be admired. Even Obama has expressed his discomfort at the fact that America is a superpower. All of your policies and actions are directed towards evening the playing field, so to speak. Just go all out. Americans love weakness, right?

    Take my advice or don’t but you probably already know you need to do something. Based on this past week’s election results, it looks like average Americans aren’t too jazzed about your race wars campaigning anymore.

    Have you tried cat videos? Everyone likes cat videos. Maybe you can be the cat video party!

    Sincerely,

    Kira

     


    Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images

    Kira Davis is a writer, video blogger and homeschool mother of two. She has interviewed President Obama and appeared on Fox News, The BlazeTV and the Dr. Phil Show. Kira is a dog person but she owns a cat anyway. You can find her on Twitter @RealKiraDavis.

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