Tony Stewart is Orchestrating NASCAR’s Twilight Zone

August 5, 2008 by Tim Zaegel  
Filed under Racing

Allstate 400 Practice

Lately, it seems like all NASCAR fans want to talk about is what’s going on at Stewart-Haas Racing, and rightfully so ….. I mean, it’s a pretty big deal when a guy that’s won 2 championships in the last 7 years decides to end a 10-year tenure with his employer to venture off in the unkown world of team ownership.

So, I get it, but the more I think about it, the more it just seems like NASCAR’s version of the Twilight Zone. I mean, let’s put a few things into perspective:

1) Tony’s car next season is going to be sponsored by Office Depot and Old Spice. Think about that for a moment …. Home Depot I could buy into, but Office Depot? Let’s be honest, I can’t really picture Tony walking through the store picking up printer paper and rubber stamps with a streak of grease smeared across his right cheek, and he certainly doesn’t strike me as a spokesman for Old Spice. Not only does he not fit that wealthy, distinguished gentleman mold that I often think of when I think Old Spice, but he’s really probably the last guy in the garage that I expect to be wearing deodorant at all.

2) The hot rumor is that Ryan Newman will join Stewart in his new venture and get behind the wheel of the no. 4 car next season. The driver that Stewart-Haas selects to drive that car will play a major role in determining the car’s sponsors as well, and the rumored sponsors that go with Newman are Burger King and Jack Daniels. You’re kidding me, right? So, you mean to tell me that while the phyiscally fit, respectful, rule abiding Ryan Newman is going to be wolfing down Whoppers and sippin’ on some Jack and Coke …. and, Stewart’s gonna be the one driving the ladies wild as he struts down the back to school aisle wearing his new musky fragrance? Okaaay.

3) Seriously, Stewart can barely make it through the driver meetings without getting the call to the NASCAR hauler, so how the hell is he going to make it through the owners’ meetings? I don’t even have anything funny to say about that ….. it’s a legit question!

So, there ya have it, folks. This is my part in b5 Media’s August Promo dealio. Believe it or not, but this month’s post is supposed to be about your favorite driver or team, which I have complied with ….. now, can you imagine what I’d have done if it was a post about my least favorite driver?

BallHype: hype it up!

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4 Responses to “Tony Stewart is Orchestrating NASCAR’s Twilight Zone”
  1. roc says:

    you hit this one on the head I can see stewart plump ass eating whoppers with a jack and coke and also see the coolege grad looking for printer paper and trying to smell good even though I don’t think old spice is the fragrence of the rich. But the only deal is stewart contract with old spice but they nned to work something out. Your favorite driver or not this article hit it on the head. Maybe in your top 10 post yets.

  2. Tim Zaegel says:

    lol … Thanks, Roc. I actually had a lot of fun writing this one.

  3. RevJim says:

    Now I thought I was the one who was being hard on my favorite driver, who also happens to be Tony Stewart.
    Had to laugh at this post, great job, Tim

  4. Tim Zaegel says:

    Thanks for the compliment, Jim. It’s always nice to know when you reach the objective you set out to accomplish!

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